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I'm in so much pain, its supposed to be an emotional pain but when I think about loosing him my inner core, like on my ribs all the way to my spinal cord feels like its falling to pieces, the worst part is to know what it was all my fault...
another hall way with empty picture frames, this is the begining of a new chapter (just a draft, i'm not completely happy with this one)...

16

This boy....
Its a gift...
I'm pulling the strings, I'm calling the shots, I'm letting go and pushing you out....
All the things I blamed for my unhappiness and actually behind it all was the colorful enormous mess of me that was the crisis....
I have no idea how to handle this situation, all the times I think I'm getting better or I'm moving on. I'm not I'm just learning out to push it out when its most painful...

ugh

I become a mess.....
Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me.....
Still in love, I get better and better but deep down I'm worse and worse...
the situations where I could look in his eyes and KNOW he felt exactly how i felt at that exact moment, and remeber how amazing that is...
Its standing still my emotions are completely motionless they seem to dim and lighten through my long days, but their not going anywhere its like my heart is holding on to the failure of my affection. It seems as though I've misplaced all hope that I'll...