• Fallyn said on Nov 21, 2007....

  I agree that he should have discussed it with you first....
  but no...i don't think she is too young to be left by herself......i wouldn't for more than an hour....but it depends on how responsible of a kid she is.......i feel my eight year old is responsible enough to be left by herself.
  
  i have some rules for this.
  1. the door stays LOCKED until i open it with my key.
  2. she is not to answer the phone unless the caller ID says it's from grandmas cell phone or mom's cell phone
  3. i am never gone more than an hour. as she gets older i'll increase the time.
  4.if she's staying home without an adult, she's staying by herself. most kids are more responsible alone.
  5. if there are rules she's broken while by herself.....even minor ones.....the privilege is revoked for six months to give her time to grow more responsible....so far she hasn't broken any rules while home by herself.
  
  she hates going out....grocery shopping, etc.
  so she's stayed home quite a few times by herself. she's proven herself to be quite responsible.
  

• queenparanoia said on Nov 21, 2007....

  well i think 8 is indeed too young to be left alone... maybe when she's 11 or older... well that depends on the maturity of your daughter... but i agree he should discuss it with you...

• Fallyn said on Nov 21, 2007....

  i should also have qualified my statement with more background.
  
  we live so far removed from the city......people don't even lock their doors here.
  not their car doors, not their house doors,........we haven't had a serious crime here in almost a decade.
  
  i think being here would definitely be different than if i was in a city somewhere, or even a suburb.then i think my choices with how soon my daughter could stay by herself would be a lot different.
  
  

• evil_twin said on Nov 21, 2007....

  I'm not a parent, so I have no idea really. But I do know that when me and my brother were kids, we often were left alone at that age. We were latchkey kids. We'd ride the bus home after school and let ourselves in. And my mom would get home from work about 2 hours later. It didn't seem like that big of a deal back then.
  
  But times are a little different now. I don't know if that seems old enough anymore to be left alone. But I guess it just kind of depends on the maturity of the child. As long as it was only for a very short time, it's probably okay. But it should be something you're comfortable with too. So if you're not, then the rules of your family should be that it's too soon to allow that to happen.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• beyondtheveil said on Nov 21, 2007....

  minnie- There are a lot of "depends" with this question. First, it depends on the child. Can you trust them to do as you say? Second, it depends on your area. Is it known to be a safe area? Third, are there options, such as a neighbor next door that you can trust to watch them?
  
  I wouldn't leave an eight year old girl alone in today's world.  My better judgment says twelve for short periods. At least they would be better able to react to emergencies such as fire.
  
  
  

• quietone said on Nov 21, 2007....

  I think around 12 is a good age...of course it depends big time on the maturity of the indivdual child too.  I would leave one that age alone for short periods of time, but not alone at night all nite.   

• uniquely-ironic said on Nov 21, 2007....

  In CA 12 is the age when children can be left alone at home.  That doesn't mean that it's not done sooner, but that's when law enforcement says that they can be left at home alone.
   
  Your husband should have called.  He should have said he needed to run a quick errand and your daughter would be at home.  If it was going to take more than an hour then he should have taken her with him, but you two could have discussed it.  If she kept the door locked and had a phone she is reasonably safe for most all areas.
   
  My daughter started her career as a latchkey kid at 12 though I admit I wasn't completely comfortable with it.  I also have yahoo IM turned on at work when she's with me so that if she needs to talk to me and my phone's busy at work she can IM me.
   
  Perhaps you and your husband can sit and discuss what to do going forward.

• SeanRenaud said on Nov 21, 2007....

  It depends entirely on the child and the neighborhood.  I personally think you over-reacted.  The child is 8 that's third grade if I recall properly.  Old enough that they should be able to care for themselves for a few hours at a time.
   
  I would set the same rules that have already been suggested.  Don't answer the phone or the door.
   
  Obviously he should have caled you and given you a heads up on his intentions but I don't see the harm.

• Alyss said on Nov 21, 2007....

  8 is too young to be left alone whatever the circumstances and illegal in the UK.

• SeanRenaud said on Nov 21, 2007....

  It's illegal here in the stats well as was mentioned earlier.
   
  What age do you think it is ok for a kid to be left alone?

• minniemouse said on Nov 21, 2007....

  Thanks to everyone for your comments…I will respond to everyone in my next comment, but I wanted to say that we didn’t even get into a fight about this.  I realized it wasn’t worth it because he doesn’t think what he did was “wrong”.  And I guess ultimately, it was the fact that he didn’t discuss it with me first.  I think leaving your kid alone for the first time is a big deal, and something that needs to be discussed between the parents first. 
  And to his credit, he did lay out the ground rules, like don’t answer the door or answer the phone unless the caller ID was his or my cell phone.  It is not something I would have been comfortable with. 

   

  I am also hypersensitive to the subject because when I was 8, my parents left me alone, playing in the back yard with a friend, while my dad ran my mom to work.  She worked nights and we only had one car.  It was only for 15 minutes.  Well, in that 15 minutes I managed to fall and bust my knee open…needing 30 stitches!!  I guess I’m just not ready…..MM

• SeanRenaud said on Nov 21, 2007....

  While I believe you over reacted, and you have admited that your opinion is probably partially influenced by your own negative experience which was qutie frankly just really really bad luck and not a solid basis for future decisions in my opinion.
   
  That said ideally couples don't fight but this is definitely worth a heated discussion.  He should have consulted you on what to be done with your child.  He does owe you to know what you are and aren't comfortable with and to discuss things of this nature with you before doing them not after.  Without intending to stir the nest is this the first time, or merely the first time you happened to call before he returned home?

• minniemouse said on Nov 21, 2007....

  Fallyn….we live in a pretty safe neighborhood, but very close to a pretty major highway.  My daughter is just so trusting….it just worries me.  If we lived somewhere farther out, not close to major roads, highways…I would probably think differently.  It just makes me nervous, you know?

   

  Queenie….11 or 12 is what I had in my mind as well.  She is responsible….but very friendly, very trusting and a little ditsy.  I hate to say that about my own daughter…but she is a very sweet and helpful girl….I just worry that she would be taken advantage of…

   

  E._T…..I got left home alone a lot when I was little too…my parents had no choice, I was a latch key kid too.  My husband was jut going to Target though….what was so important that it couldn’t wait?  Stupid crap!  Anyway…I just think that I wanted to know ahead of time…I should have been called instead of taken by surprise. 

   

  Beyond and quiet…I agree with you guys completely.  I always had 12 in my mind as a good age to be alone….I guess this was something my husband and I never discussed…I just assumed that we were on the same page with this issue.  It was a wake up call. 

   

  Uniquely…the same rule/law applies in my state as well.  My husband had no idea.  That was the only time I got recognition of how serious I took this…That is a good idea with the yahoo IM, I think I will have to remember that one J

   

  SeanR…I know…I over reacted…I was just taken by surprise.  I didn’t expect to call home and find out.  I would have like the heads up you were talking about.  She had rules and she followed them, I was just caught off guard.  I had 12 in mind as a good age to be alone…also that way, its in tune with state laws as well.  My husband had no idea that you can’t leave under 12 alone….he knows now….

• minniemouse said on Nov 21, 2007....

  Sean....this was the first time.  My daughter would have told me if he had done this before.  My daughter is very sweet and trusting, and I just worry...she is the kind of child that runs into the street and remembers half way across to stop and look.  She is very reactive....does first...then thinks....

• mOOn_platOOn said on Nov 21, 2007....

  8 is too young. Too many unexpected things can happen. That was irresponsible. My kid still doesn't get left alone for more than 3 minutes and he's 11. Not good...

• gingersoul said on Nov 21, 2007....

  Minnie...you are not oversensitive. I left my daughter alone at home for the first time only  two weeks ago. She is 12. I started this new job and i come back home around 6 while she comes back home from school with the bus at 4:30.

  She has strict rules:

  never, ever open the door or answer the home phone. I call her only at her cell.

  She has to call me as soon as she gets in the house.

  If i am late i call her and i let her know.

  She can watch only the tv and not even turning on the computer.

  Eigth years old is way too young, no matter where you live, safe neighborhood or city.....the house is a dangerous place itself.....she can hurt herself easily. It was very iirresponsible for your husband to leave her at home. Why not bringing her with him, by the way?

  What if something would have happened to him? And he couldn't come back home?

• hotaka said on Nov 21, 2007....

  We always said that until the age of 12 a child shouldn't be left alone. But I think it does depend on the maturity of the child and Fallyn has a good point with her list. I could have been left alone for a short time at the age of eight I am sure because I could easily pass time in my room looking at cards adn I followed my mom's instructions usually. But my sister would no doubt have caused trouble somehow.

• Fallyn said on Nov 21, 2007....

  i was left home alone at 8 often......and i never had any of the rules either.
  maybe this is why it doesn't seem as big a deal to me.
  i wasn't aware that there were laws about it....12 just seems completely too old to me.
  by 12 i was already cooking for my family, taking care of the house as best i could.
  working on a sawmill (if you're family it's not illegal) by 12 i was staying home by myself for most of the day and taking care of my younger sister.
  by 12 i'd put out a lightening caused fire almost completely on my own because my mother was freaking out too badly to deal with it.
  i just simply cannot imagine a life where i would have had....as in moonplatoon's case....someone "babysitting" me......leaving me alone for no more than 3 minutes even at the age of 11.
  granted. i ended up making bad choices later in life. i'm not saying that this life was ideal by any means.
  but the bad choices didn't start until i was already an adult.
  
  
  

• blastfromthepast said on Nov 22, 2007....

  I agree that it depends on how responsible a child of 8 is, and that an hour is long enough.  I also agree that your husband should have let you know.
   
  I used to take the bus to downtown Vancouver when I was 7.  Times have most definitely changed, haven't they? 

• wakingharmony said on Nov 22, 2007....

  Minnie No you aren't too sensitive. I am not sure where you live hon but it is against the law to leave a child alone at home under 12. now if they are responsible and and 11 and only for a very short period of time !5 min they may not say anything.  So many unexpected things can happen. Just as a friend ...not ranting at you ok {{{hugs}} you can say what if something happened and he couldn't get back and she was home alone...The hot water heater blows up I know that is unlikely but it happens. or what if she tripped and fell on something...its is just to risky.  right now its probably best to let her keep an eye on the phone while you do something outside for a min. They want to grow up so fast.... Good luck hon. and I am sure you will do what you feel is right as parents... you wouldn't have asked if you weren't caring parents and we all learn from each other. Good luck to you All & Happy Thanksgiving.

• Fallyn said on Nov 22, 2007....

  maybe it is just how i grew up but this just seems completely bizarre to me. the rules i have for my daughter are somewhere smack in the middle of what i grew up with and what everyone here seems to think is the norm. i thought i was being very strict with her.....and i guess that isn't the case.
  
  

• SeanRenaud said on Nov 22, 2007....

  Moon your kid is going to live at home when he's 30 and ask you for lunch money.  Seriously cut the umbilical cord.

• destinydiva said on Nov 22, 2007....

  I think without a doubt 8 years old is too young to be left alone, its one thing nipping next door for 2 mins or getting a quick shower whilst they are infront of the tv...but to go to the store ..I dont think you over reacted at all minnie,
  what happens if your husband has an accident on the way to the store? or gets held up in a robbery at the store? or anything!!!  extreme maybe ...  but then your daughter would have been home alone all day....
  what if the house went on fire? she got an electric shock? she fell? I guess the most danger is something happening to your husband and her being hom ealone and maybe I am extreme, but I would never ever leave an 8 year old alone.
  
  I live 2 minutes away from a conveinience store...I can run there and back in 5 minutes maximum...  my eldest is almost 12, and i have only just..this week...allowed her to stay home if me and the younger two are nipping the shop. I would never drive out to the shopping center and leave her home alone, not yet....  she isnt a very responsible almost 12 year old to be honest.
  
  But I dont think any 8 year old is responsible to be left home alone....
  
  Just my opinion :-)  xx
  
  
  

• queenparanoia said on Nov 22, 2007....

  minnie; i understand what you mean my sister is also 8 yrs old and a very friendly person she could easily trust a person. which really worry us that's why we even fetch her from school...

• travelr712 said on Nov 22, 2007....

  minnie - i've raised 3 kids already, and i'm in the process of raising another, so i have some experience in these matters. the age that a child can be left alone is mostly based on the child. i know of 12 year olds that should never be left alone, and some 8 year olds that have the maturity, awareness and responsibility that makes it ok for a short time. as you've seen from other comments, for some people here, it was a normality. and they're still here, they didn't die.
   
  i guess one thing i wanted to address is your reaction to your husband, because i think that's an important part of this question to you. i can understand your shock and anger at finding out from your daughter that this was happening. but i don't think your husband was being unthinking, uncaring, or obtuse in this matter. men see these things differently than women. he thought your daughter was old enough and responsible enough for daddy to make her feel a little grown up, to show that he trusted her with something important, and he probably felt very proud of himself to be able to give that to her. it's not like he left her alone to go to a strip club, like i've read about and heard about many times in the news.
   
  when he said he 'probably' should have asked you, that didn't mean he thought it was not important, he was simply embarrassed that he hadn't thought about it like you did, and he sort of got 'caught'. it was his way of being humbled and saying he was sorry when he realized he was on the spot with his angry wife for doing something he thought would make his daughter happy. i agree, we men sometimes don't exactly respond to our women the way we should, we have our own language in these things, and we understand it when we're talking to each other. we forget when we're on the spot that women don't. so did you overreact? i think you could have handled the situation without anger, yes. were you justified in being angry? sure. you were surprised. should he have talked to you about it first? ABSOLUTELY! and he didn't realize he should have until you called him. but consider this, the reason you are in this situation is because you and he made different assumptions. it never came up between you, because he didn't bring the subject up, but neither did you. and as it turned out, your daughter is fine, he wasn't gone long, and nothing bad happened in that situation other than your surprise and anger, so in a way, he was right, your daughter is old enough to be left alone for short periods of time. i'm guessing you've had that conversation with him now? if not, you should.

• minniemouse said on Nov 22, 2007....

  MOOn…..I agree that 8 is too young.  I  just wanted the opportunity to know about this ahead of time.  I think by 11 or 12 they should be ready to be left alone for a little bit.  It’s something that you “work toward”…a step toward responsibility and growing up.  I know when I was 12 I was babysitting other kids in the neighborhood.  But I think that is because I was taught how to be alone and what to do.  Each case is different. 

   

  Ginger….Hi ginger!!  I am definitely on board with the rules…..we have discussed that this won’t happen again for a while…it’s a “goal” that we will work toward…her being left alone.  He didn’t take her with him he said because she said she didn’t want to be left alone…..I think that is unacceptable…she is 8….she does what we tell her!  Oh well…I think he realizes how I feel now. 

   

  Hotaka….I was the same when I was little….I was super responsible and I always did what I was told.  My kids have a lot of their father in them….they are very impulsive and act before they think and that gets them in trouble frequently….My youngest I think would set the house on fire!  Yikes…at least my youngest was in school and this was only my 8 year old….

   

  Fallyn….I think everyone’s situation is different.  It sounds like you had a lot of responsibility at a very young age.  I did too….but I only had to take care of myself.  I think this whole thing was a wake up call to  me that I am not requiring enough of my children.  I don’t want them to grow up to fast, but I also don’t want to “coddle” them…I see too many kids today that can’t function because they have had everything done for them…I need to start teaching some more lessons in responsibility…

   

  Blast….times have definitely changed!  Things that my parents let me do I would never let my kids do today….Its so hard….there is a very fine line in teaching responsibility and being a careless parent…

   

  Walking….it is against the law where I live to leave an 8 year old alone.  My husband was unaware of this fact.   He felt really bad when I told him that.  I think he learned a lesson….

   

  Sean….be nice!!!

   

  Destiny…I thought all those same things…the “what ifs”….you can drive yourself crazy with the “what ifs”…but I guess that is part of being a mom….

   

  Queenie….I know…I worry about the trusting to much…I like that she is so friendly and will talk to people.  I was painfully shy when I was little.  It’s a fine line….

   

  Trav….ok., ok,…..I hate to say it….but I know you are right.  Just don’t tell my husband that!!!!  Lol…..this was a big wake up call, we aren’t communicating as parents…we are assuming…..you know what they say when you ASS U ME……lol….thanks Trav…

• wakingharmony said on Nov 22, 2007....

  Good For you both minnie  I didn't think it would cause a problem when you let him know...we listen watch and learn and do the best we can as parents...sounds like he understands that too. Hope you All have a Wonderful Thanksgiving!
  

• Fallyn said on Nov 22, 2007....

  minnie, i wasn't aware either that it was against the law. ......i guess i know now.

• SeanRenaud said on Nov 22, 2007....

  ..I dont think you over reacted at all minnie,
  what happens if your husband has an accident on the way to the store? or gets held up in a robbery at the store? or anything!!!
   
  What if any of these things happen when your kid is 12,13, 14,15, 16 or 17?  They aren't likely to fare much better without you until they can drive and get work so those are just silly arguements.
   
  I was being nice by the way, a child of 12 who's never been away from his parents for more than 3 minutes will never develope any sense of self reliance and confidence.  A twelve year old should be largely self sufficient.  They should be capable of cooking if the need arrises amongst other things.

• gingersoul said on Nov 22, 2007....

  I think we are mixing two different things here: even though my kid has been responsible and mature pretty soon i still didnt leave her alone at home.

  Since 10 she was able to cook and clean after cooking (actually she uses the knive better than me...i always seem to cut myself when i cook.....)...she knew how to do laundry and the most important numbers to call in case of emergency. .she knew where everything she might needed in the house is....

  does this made acceptable for me to leave her alone in the house? No.

  Now, at 12 y-o and knowing how she can handle being alone, i can be in peace with myself in leaving her alone at home when i work late.

  And i am sure she is not going to accept to be diaper changed until 17. Actually, she is lot more independent than me when i was her age..... 

  So Minnie.......yes, you can teach them to be more indipendent and help you around but still this doesn't make it ok leaving them at home so young......

• destinydiva said on Nov 22, 2007....

  I have to agree with ginger....my almost 12 yr old isnt very responsible...  but a lot of her friends are... some of her friends I wouldnt worry about being home alone at all...kids do mature at different ages...but I dont think any kid is mature enuf at 8...
  just my second bout of opinion :-) xx
  

• destinydiva said on Nov 22, 2007....

  just wanted to add...that my 4 year old is incredibly mature already...she takes on role of mum with my younger son.... I feel that when she reaches 11/12 she will be one of the 'maturer ones'  which for me...just confirms about diffferent kids...different maturity levels...  

• minniemouse said on Nov 23, 2007....

  destiny....you are so right about different kids...different maturity levels...my 4 year old is a little devil...I don't like leaving her alone in a room much less the house!!  LOL....

  Ginger...I totally agree that 8 is too young to leave alone in the house....I guess I realized in reflecting upon the last couple of days and everyone's comments that my 8 year old isn't a baby anymore...I need to start giving her more responsibilities so she can grow into a responsible kid and eventually adult.  Out of my sheer laziness I am doing way too much FOR her.....this, of course is a totally separate issue from my post...LOL...its just where I ended up....  :-) 

• travelr712 said on Nov 23, 2007....

  minnie - #1, i won't tell. #2, i'm not above taking 'donations' for my silence... :-P

• crybabylu said on Nov 23, 2007....

  In our city, they have to be at least 9 yrs. old.

• desertsienna2 said on Nov 25, 2007....

  Sixteen.  I have reported parents who leave children under twelve alone.  When I call a potential customer or old lead, and find out that when doing our fundraising arrangements through a child that he is alone without a babysitter, older sibling, relative or neighbor around, I call the neglect and abuse hotline.  I don't care about over the age of fourteen but I still think it's a little young myself but it is not neglectful.

• SeanRenaud said on Nov 25, 2007....

  Sixteen?  At sixteen you need to be able to trust them to handle A LOT more than being left alone.
   
  I'm glad you aren't my neighbor.

Comment on "What age can a child be left home alone??"

Currently tagged	kids growing up children bad marriage husband (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment