Sorry about the last post. I couldn't get the nightmare visions of the traumatic experience out of my head. Still bad, but time should help.
I will say that it started with me getting drunk and falling down a metal escalator. Go ahead, laugh, everyone who saw it happen did. I, however, am in a lot of pain. Deep scratches all over my body, chunks taken out of my knee and underarm, pains in my neck and upper arms, bruises everywhere...it goes on. I've been taking some old percocets from when I got a wisdom tooth pulled. I've been sleeping a lot. Rather than straight out quit my job, I've asked them for a 30 day leave of absence. They are supposedly still deciding, but I'm pretty sure they are gonna say no. But that's ok. I'm not a stranger to starting over. I will probably go to CT next week and spend some time w/my family. I would go sooner but would like to have thanksgiving dinner with my bf.
Anyway, after I fell down the escalator, I guess I just lay there in a drunk heap for a min. Really, I'm lucky I didn't die or break my neck. Also, I was alone, since the people I'd been with left when the bar closed and I was passed out in the bathroom. So...someone (no one I know) came and 'rescued' me. Yeah. I was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the night, but the bits and pieces I remember are bad. Really bad. If I had no faith in human nature before, it's now been killed completely. I'm angry, and my injuries are making me angrier. I yelled at a complete stranger today, for no real reason, and I want to kill everyone. I feel poisonous. I think going to CT and walking at my favorite place will help. Of course, it would be more like a slow hobble, b/c of the severity of my knee injury. It looks like bullet holes.
I used to believe everything happens for a reason, but at this pt, I guess the world is just random and fucked up. I've done some shitty things to people, but not THIS BAD. But I have faith that everything is going to be ok. I'm a survivor, and I am strong spirited. I just need to get my head together and spend some time figuring out why. I have faith.
