I feel like I'm in some TV sitcom or drama where the two lead
characters keep up this intense sexual tension, but neither acts on it.
Unsure of the appropriateness of it; uncertain if they should act on
their feelings; but no matter what the reason for holding back, if they
act on it before the season finale, the momentum of the show ends. All
of this assuming he reciprocates the sentiments, and frankly, I'm not
even sure of mine.
But
then, life really isn't a sitcom is it? So, yeah, I look at him in an
entirely different light now. Amazing what a simple touch can do.
He
did come over again tonight for a TV show we both love,
and a few other hot picks. More sexual tension. More foot
rubbing. I looked at him, and told him I neither expected it, nor
wanted him to feel in any way pressured to do it. But I confessed that
I did like it. I think I showed my worry too much, because he looked at
me very pointedly and said, "I know. It's okay." He continued rubbing.
Stopping intermittently as the TV program captured his attention.
Later,
I was able to return the favor. His neck was hurting. I'm decent at it.
It seemed to help. As it was ending, he reach behind and placed his
hand over mine as it still was massaging his shoulder, thanking me.
He
was looking toward the TV most of the night. It afforded me an
opportunity to look at him without him really being aware of it. I'm
looking both at him and the TV. I took my time. I really looked at him.
Studied him. Wondered all the things one wonders when really looking at
another human soul so closely for the very first time.
I noticed
all of the little things... the soft curls, his 5 o'clock shadow, his
hands, his feet. I took note of his soft hair and skin when I was
rubbing his shoulders. I liked what I touched.
At the same time,
I was incredibly nervous. If it had moved to something more intimate.
I'm honestly not sure how I would have reacted. I'm flustered right
now.
I guess for him, it's a good sign that when he finally left, he left me wanting more.
With
my FWB, things were much more straight forward. We met through a dating
site, so there were no illusions about the direction things should go,
assuming chemistry was there for us both.
But with this one, the
rules of engagement are definitely not the same. I wanted to kiss him
so badly, but knew if I did, I might cross some irreparable line. I
only hugged him goodnight. He hugged back, turned, and left. I stood
there again, wanting more, but settled for far less - a hug.
PassionTraveler posted on Nov 20, 2007
| views: 253
Comments
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Fallyn said on Nov 20, 2007....
give it time pash it'll figure itself out....but you know that already don't you? *grin* *HUGS* -
silverwhisper said on Nov 20, 2007....
PT, what's the worst thing that can happen if you make a move and he isn't receptive? i'm sure he'd probably be flattered, to be honest.
ed -
evil_twin said on Nov 20, 2007....
I'm sure that if he's interested, he'll eventually make a move. He's probably just as nervous as you are to do something wrong. But it definitely seems like he's interested to me. So just try and relax and the rest will happen :-)
-evil_twin LA
-
PassionTraveler said on Nov 20, 2007....
Thanks to all of you.
Well Fallyn, I'm avoiding him at work today as much as possible, but that's hard to do here. It's not that big of a place. LOL... Well, I'm not going to seek him out. Otherwise, I think I'll make a fool of myself. LOL
I think there is some interest on his part as well, and yes, ET, I think he's just as nervous. Like I said, it's the classic TV sitcom/drama of sexual tension run a muck! LOL
But I think I will let him make the move, Ed. For some reason that feels the right thing to do, unless he keeps me in excruciating anxiety for too long... LOL.... then maybe I'll have to bring it up. :-)
I'll keep you posted.
PT
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5dollar said on Nov 21, 2007....
PT, it sounds like you should approach him and tell him how you feel. But then again, I'm not one to give this type of advice. There are a few women in my office who have caught my eye and who I have some social situation with (if you count passing them in the office or trading small talk). But I don't have the nerve to ask them to lunch, let alone a date.In fact, I can only recall about three women who I actually asked out, other than someone I already met through a dating site (online or video), and failed each time. I guess that's why I've crawled back into my hole after each occassion. I guess I will stick to the dating sites.But here's a good luck to you. -
PassionTraveler said on Nov 21, 2007....
Thanks 5 dollar... I think if it were anyone else, I'd instantly assume his behavior was more than just friendly coworker, but he of all people is one of those that every action - every behavior, is just who he is as a nice guy.
I think he'll either wind up as one of those really great friendships like I have with someone else I know who I'm treating to a favorite musical for his belated birthday present... or it will convert to something more romantic.
Honestly, either is fine. I think it's the not knowing and the coworker line-crossing that's giving me fits. LOL
I'll keep you posted. thanks.
PT
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travelr712 said on Nov 26, 2007....
sorry i'm late to this post pt. umm, ever heard the phrase 'don't fish off the company pier'? if he works in the near vacinity to you, you might want to consider the fact that if you do cross that line, and then things go sour later, it can make for some extremely difficult working conditions, and your job pays the rent, know what i mean? just trying to look out for you, my friend. -
PassionTraveler said on Nov 26, 2007....
Thanks Trav. That's one of several concerns I have. Right now, I'm not even sure there is anything there to become a relationship. I suspect regardless, it will escalate into a really great friendship, and that's okay by me as well.
PT
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PassionTraveler said on Nov 28, 2007....
Okay, it came up. He had no clue the effect his touch had on me. His foot massage was purely innocent. However, when asked if there was interest beyond platonic, he was inclined to explore more. We set some ground rules, then I told him how much I had wanted to kiss him that night.
We were in his car, headed to my place, so we decided to proceed with our original plans that evening of watching downloaded sitcoms he had introduced to me on a previous visit.
Most of the evening was spent innocently watching the shows and laughing together at them. At some point, he reached for my hand. Then it progressed to snuggling, and eventually, the start of some incredibly passionate kissing.
We called it a night and have plans to see each other nearly every night this week, but not all are orchestrated by us. At least three nights this week have been about joining other friends and colleagues for dinner, the movies and socializing.
There are still some hurdles to overcome, so time will tell, but it's very nice so far, and we were already friends for a while before it escalated to this, so it's very relaxed. If it doesn't work, I told him his friendship was important and I didn't want to lose it or for it to become weird. We both are the types that can uphold that stipulation, so I feel secure in exploring this new relationship.
PT
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silverwhisper said on Nov 28, 2007....
woo-hoo--i just knew it! :D
ed -
PassionTraveler said on Nov 28, 2007....
Thanks Ed. :) I'm floating.
PT
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travelr712 said on Nov 28, 2007....
pt - ooohhh, ain't love grand? :-) -
5dollar said on Nov 29, 2007....
I'm glad its working out for you, PT.
Me, I'm still - as Buddy Holly once sang - "Crying, waiting and hoping."
I'm just not counting on it to happen anytime soon.
Comment on "Rules of Engagement"
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