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The Church of Coffee and Chocolate

uniquely-ironic posted on Nov 13, 2007 | views: 1614 | Tags: coffee, chocolate, church, gods, potluck, Queen, http//church-of-coffeecom, Praise
The other day I was joking around with a friend and they were poking fun at my near addiction to coffee and chocolate.  I admit, it's a driving force in my life.  I probably know more about those two things than I do about anything else in life.  I'm surprised that it isn't listed on my medical record as my drugs of choice.
 
Instead of fighting that addiction I've decided to embrace it and start a new religious order.  One that holds chocolate and coffee as the staples of meaningful existance.  To embrace this passion for a dark roasted cup of coffee and an equally dark piece of chocolate.  This is a religion that I can truly get behind.  Practice every day.  Study without losing interest.
 
I appoint myself the Pope of Chocolate and Coffee!  Now all I need is a congregation of devoted followers and I'll really have something.
 
Will you join me?


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Comments

  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    ah, i am an apostate--i do not like coffee!

    [revels in heresy]

    :D

    ed
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    SW - I consider such heresy to be a defect of the mind. (sticks tongue out)
  • skald said on Nov 13, 2007....
    I could not go without coffee in the morning and in France I found out that their coffee with milk is with hot milk and I found it very tasty. I´m in. 
  • beyondtheveil said on Nov 13, 2007....
    unique- Nope. Can't join. I love those two things which are an instrumental part of my life but I can't take the strong and the bitter. I'm one of the "enlightened" ones- a really good cup of coffee with cream and sugar and milk chocolate.

    That means a separate sect, just like religion, disagreeing on details.
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    well, schism is one of the oldest of theological traditions, beyond. :D

    ed
  • danetteb said on Nov 13, 2007....
    I gave up coffee just over a month ago, after being a hectic addict!  I am so proud of myself!  I didn't really try to give it up though.  I was stick with a stomach bug, and didn't drink coffee while I was sick, and when I got better, I just didn't have that craving.  Till today, I don't want coffee.

    Chocolate on the other hand, I have just had a piece of a rich, dark slab :D  YUM
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    skald - I love the french style coffee - latte - too.  Well have to iMeet to have coffee weekly!
     
    BTV - All members of a congregation have different degrees of devotion.  I think you should join and teach the flock the joys of the "light".
     
    SW - Isn't it though?!  I always found it entertaining that the smallest difference was cause for seperation.  I'll have none of that in my church.  I support a doctrine of tolerance and inclusion.
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    but now i can't be a heretic!

    [/whine]

    :D

    ed
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    danette - another member of a growing flock!  Hallelujah!
     
    SW - I know, some people take all the joy out of being a heretic. :P
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    what's the sense of being a heretic if i can't be subversive, darn it?

    [mopes]

    ed
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    SW - well you could try to introduce white chocolate to the flock.  I'd have to damn you to vanilla for that!
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    unclean! white chocolate is of the devil! gaze not upon its fair face that conceals such wretched evil! repent, ye sinner! repent! the pit of hell itself yawns open to consume thee!



    ahem...er...sorry about that... :D

    ed
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    SW - Preach it!!  Bring it to the Chocolate my brother!
     
              [ hands lifted]
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    can i get a amen?



    i said, can i get an amen?!

    ed
  • evil_twin said on Nov 13, 2007....
    Mmm.....coffee and chocolate. Consider me part of the congregation. How about chocolate and coffee together? I'm addicted to Starbucks mochas. Extra espresso.

    -evil_twin LA
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....

    SW - Amen brother!!!

    ET - Yummmmm, mocha.  Extra shot is mandatory in the morning.  Welcome to the fold.  BTW, have you ever tried chocolate covered espresso beans?  To die for.

  • evil_twin said on Nov 13, 2007....
    I have had those before. They are awesome. But you can't eat too many of them or it's like smoking crack. You're all hopped up and crazy, with black shit in your teeth. You gotta keep a toothbrush handy.

    -evil_twin LA
  • more2methanthat said on Nov 13, 2007....

    Uni - Sign me up and pass the coffee!  My Hubby hold coffee tastings (yes, much like wine tastings) every weds night.  To say that it is a staple of life (and its own food group) is an understatement.

    AMEN!

  • Mamie said on Nov 13, 2007....
    Sister Mary Mamie reporting for duty! Sugar free for this side of the church..tiptoe-ing around diabetes...to hell with blood sugars! Er, um, blessed be the Pope!!
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....

    ET - Hmmm, that describes me to a T some days. (hopped up and crazy) LOL  It's the quickest way to get enough caffeine in you to jump start your heart.

    M2M - Oh, I think I've fallen in love. (coffee tastings)  You two must assist me as arch bishops of coffee in our lovely church.

    Mamie - Sugar free?! (blanches in the face)  Well, I suppose we will have to just overlook that and welcome you with open arms.  (and full cups)

  • beyondtheveil said on Nov 13, 2007....
    unique- hmmm...ok. I think I'd really like to be known as "The Joys of Light". 
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....

    BTV - You got it!  Someone has to teach people the joy of milk chocolate, and I'm afraid I'm terribly biased to dark chocolate.

     

  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    so many people are here to hear the gospel of coffee & chocolate, your holiness! :>

    [genuflects]

    ed
  • Mamie said on Nov 13, 2007....
    you guys crack me up! Pour me another!
     Um, I guess I can do dark chocolate just in smaller morsels than sugar free....after so long, I swear to you, it tastes real! Genuflects near Ed while trying not to laugh in church...and you know how that usually goes! *snork*
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....

    Glares from the pulpit pointing a long and boney finger at Mamie.

    "Silence you snorky sinner!"  [ que thunder and lightening bolts]

    Looks intently into the dregs of my mocha.

    "We will now celebrate the beginnings of a new cup of coffee and receive the sacriment of the chocolate wafer"

    Steps from behind the pulpit and readies chocolates and the mocha goblet.

  • mobil said on Nov 13, 2007....

    I have not been getting your ditties Uni, but see them instead as they roll around. I was not subscribed to you and I know I was. hmmmmm

    I can't join your church either, I quit coffee when I quit smoking. Had to give em both up, they went too well together.

    I love chocolate, but have to stay mostly away. When younger I could eat lots and not gain weight. My girlish figure is everything to me. I'd like a ride in the Popemobile sometime though.........har har

  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    mobil - I suppose we could make you treasurer since you won't be tempted to dip into the the coffee beans while counting them. :)
  • PassionTraveler said on Nov 13, 2007....
    Speaking of forming your own religion... I used to be a newswoman and for a while, there was a joke in our newsroom that we should all attend church:

    The (XXX) Church of Righteous Media

    (name of newspaper appeared where the XXXs are, but removed for privacy.)

    But I like yours better.

    [Genuflects, is seated in pew, takes out menu ... uhhh.... I mean program... makes offering of beignets and chickory to pay homage to the caffeine gods named Coffee and Chocolate. :-D ]

    It should be noted that I adore Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf's Ultimate Ice blended available in Mocha and Vanilla. It takes chocolate covered espresso beans, and grinds them up, blends them in a frozen cream base and it's delicious.

    PT
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    i love this place. :D

    ed
  • CreativeWoman said on Nov 13, 2007....
    Two simple pleasures I can't do without these days.  Sign me up. When is the first potluck?

    CW
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....

    PT - Welcome to the fold.  The "sermon" will start shortly.  That does sound delicious.

    SW - :)

    CW - Welcome sister. [shakes hand]  Perhaps I can call on you to organize that much welcomed potluck.

     

  • Eilan said on Nov 13, 2007....
    All hail coffee!

    All hail chocolate!
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    Eilan - Come in faithful follower.  Join in the singing of praises to chocolate and coffee.
     
    [ques the boom box and dances down the aisle, careful not to spill the mocha]
  • botoni said on Nov 13, 2007....
    This is wonderful! I get to be the self righteous purist. Coffee for me must be pure - just like me. Chocolate the darker the better if you please. I ve never like the title Friar so could I please be Roaster Botoni?
  • Fallyn said on Nov 13, 2007....
    do you get extra credit if you like them together? i like to melt dark chocolate into my coffee.
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 13, 2007....
    I have finally found my chocolate-loving spiritual home. :-D

    ~Infernal
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    botoni - I'm so glad you've arrived!  Of course you can be a  Roaster. ;)
     
    Fallyn - Not only do you get extra credit, you can give the next "sermon" on the hill of beans!
     
    TIO - Can I get an Amen to that?!  Welcome to your chocolate/coffee home.
  • bloc said on Nov 13, 2007....
    @passion
    Oo i love the ultimates from coffee bean as well :)

    it should be the church of coffee, chocolate, and tea. Add tea and I'm in .
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    bloc - I preach a ministry of tolerance and inclussion, so add tea we will!!!  Can I get a witness?!
    [ looks at the audience expectantly]
     
    BTW, I have a semi-sweet chocolate flavored black tea at home that is also very good.  The best of both worlds as it were.
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    [stands]

    i will vouch for brother bloc's suggestion of adding tea as a sacrament of the church!

    ed
  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 13, 2007....
    SW - Then we will make it the yummy trinity of chocolate, coffee and tea that we gather to worship ..... er ...... enjoy!
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    [meditates upon this wisdom]
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 13, 2007....
    I make a motion that we acknowledge the Soda Sect within this hallowed place. Then I feel I shall truly be made whole.

    We do all worship at the same sacred altar of caffeine, after all. ;-)

    ~Infernal
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    thou shalt have no trinity but the three, heretic!

    perhaps caffeine is their prophet?

    ed
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 13, 2007....
    What's wrong with a...quadrinity? :-D

    Wilt thou, then, serve as spiritual guide for the souls more lost than thee? I see that thou hast not made peace with one aspect of the Whole. [wags finger]

    ~Infernal
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 13, 2007....
    i say thee nah, heretic! wouldst thou give me the lie so boldly before these good and decent souls?

    [castigates infernal]

    :D
  • destinydiva said on Nov 13, 2007....
    this post is hilarious!!! lol!! and lmao!! all the way through the comments :-)



     I'll witness!! Its oficial..tea worshipers welcome... oohh yay!! I'm in!!!!!


    xx
  • hinana said on Nov 13, 2007....

    omg wow

    my dream group come truee

    im so in xD

  • wild-ting said on Nov 13, 2007....
    Oh Pope of Chocolate and Coffee,

    I shall join thee...

    Baptize me in a tub of chocolate so that I may receive communion of delicious dark roast coffee.

    Brethren, beware of false prophets (soda).

    -WT

    Confession:
    I enjoy the smell of fresh coffee beans, and make my coffee in a French press (who cares, lol). I am a choco-holic who has failed the 12 step program many times over.
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 13, 2007....
    ed: And what, pray tell, is a fitting punishment for one such as me? :-p

    I tell thee truly; thou art the blasphemer! The true nature of the divine doth not lie within tea (don't tell my grandma I said that :-D), nor doth coffee possess that which makest me one with mine inner child.

    There is still time, O ye misguided children of Starbucks! At least I may take comfort in that part of the true path hath revealed itself here.

    ~Infernal, High Priestess of the Soda Sect
  • gingersoul said on Nov 13, 2007....

    Oh, you didn't taste anything if you didnt drink the Bacio al Cioccolato Espresso Caffe'...

    I got shot to the road of Damasco (just to remain in Evangelical territory) when i drank it last summer in Italy.,....its a double shot of Espresso, dark, straight, no milk, no cream, no sugar.......but inside there is a small ball of 100% pure cocoa melting with a Bacio Perugina chocolate....

    Its an explosion of luxurious pleasure in the mouth....if i had a man with me i would have released that shot of devilish passion only in one way......i swear it has been invented by the Devil in person.......

    I have surrendered to this sin long time ago.....hell is the land where is no chocolate and no coffee......scary place... 

     

  • Fallyn said on Nov 13, 2007....
    *sipping my hot chocolate coffee*
  • rmuxagirl said on Nov 13, 2007....
    coffee is one of the staples at any church function for us.
  • bloc said on Nov 13, 2007....
    here's my weirdo eccentricity. I absolutely love chocolate with espresso. I can't stand regular coffee. Oh, and soy milk with the lattes :)
  • wombat said on Nov 13, 2007....
    I recently discovered white chocolate espresso.  I drink too much coffee at work, but none at home any more--strange.  I eat chocolate when I get a craving for milk!  The chocolate is to make the milk taste even better!
  • Fallyn said on Nov 13, 2007....
    chocolate. *happy wistful sigh*
  • MissMimi said on Nov 13, 2007....

    A humble penitent am I.  Chocolate is the goddess of life, I most humbly worship her.  However, coffee... 

    I stand..er,uh.. sit with Sister Infernal on the issue of soda inclusion.  Amen, Sister, testify!  Witness to the goodness and purity of carbonation and caffeine!  [falls out of chair, and begins speaking in tongues]

  • Fallyn said on Nov 13, 2007....
    now i'm getting coffee cravings......i don't drink coffee by itself....only with chocolate in it.

  • wombat said on Nov 13, 2007....
    This just reminded me of someone I knew who put coca-cola in her coffee.  I have never tried it--I want to burp just thinking about it!
  • wombat said on Nov 13, 2007....
    U-I:  JUst subscribed to you, once again....what is up with this having to subscribe over and over?  I think I am really subscribed to people--but the option still pops up.  Sorry to intrude with something off subject.
  • Fallyn said on Nov 14, 2007....
    wombie and THAT reminds ME of the time i accidentally got high........oh....um.....
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 14, 2007....
    verily, i shall mete out the appropriate punishment, in accordance with the prophecy of the holy three.

    [trout-smacks infernal]



    what, was i gonna do anything else? :D

    ed
  • queenparanoia said on Nov 14, 2007....
    okay i didnt read the comments to long!!! but i'll join!!! =)
  • pickersplock said on Nov 14, 2007....

    They used to use grape juice and Wonderbread for communion in my church.

    So hey, why not coffee and chocolate instead?

  • uniquely-ironic said on Nov 14, 2007....

    And so the flock has been gathered and the chocolate, coffee and tea rites have been performed.  I now pronounce all of you saved by the spirit of caffiene!!!

    Amen

    I'll see you all next week, in the pews, giving strength to our cause.

  • vacantmind said on Nov 14, 2007....

    Sneaks into the back pew and sits quietly listening to the sermon. I like Chocolate and Coffee. I have found a home. Breathes in the sweet smells.

  • StupidGenius said on Nov 14, 2007....
    The simple answer is IM IN!!!!
     
    SG
  • PassionTraveler said on Nov 15, 2007....
    Let us not forget that our Trinity... Chocolate, Coffee & Tea... are all one with the great God of Caffeine... or NOT! All can also be caffeine free. :) That's the wonderful duality of our great flavorful one.


    PT
  • Clair_de_Lune said on Dec 22, 2007....
    I would never go to any church that makes demi gods of stuff.. Though I know you're all..mostly..:^) kidding.. But.. I am pretty sure I have you all beat.. as per the chocolate deal.. I have it on very good authority.. With a nod and a personal reply from a very prominent and reputable chocolatier, that it is so true *I* am the offical chocolate queen.. In fact, upon thanking him for a recent visit to his shop, said candy guy shared *I* need to be their "resident queen".. He even placed this in writing in an email reply to me.. As for coffee, it's just love hate.. I love how it tastes and makes me have new energy Until I sometimes get mildly anxious from the stuff.. Otherwise chocolate and coffeee are outrageous.. Love Starbucks espresso brownie.. But only when I'm home :^) Delicate system..in these ways..
  • uniquely-ironic said on Dec 22, 2007....
    vacant - welcome home
     
    SG - another believer
     
    PT - like a mere human, too much caffiene is something my poor heart cannot overcome.
     
    Clair - You may be queen as long as you don't challenge the Pope's authority ;)
  • Italia21086 said on May 08, 2008....
    Im with you I am so addicted to coffee it's not funny. I have to start my morning off with at least 3 cups
  • Italia21086 said on May 08, 2008....
    Im with you I am so addicted to coffee it's not funny. I have to start my morning off with at least 3 cups
  • Italia21086 said on May 08, 2008....
    Im with you I am so addicted to coffee it's not funny. I have to start my morning off with at least 3 cups
  • uniquely-ironic said on May 08, 2008....
    Italia - That's a pretty "healthy" addiction!!  You probably have some pretty strong preferences too.  Nice to meet you!!
  • Italia21086 said on May 08, 2008....
    oh yeah "healthy" for sure then again who really knows what is or isnt healthy for you anymore. They are Always comming up with some "new" medical report. the lastest... coffee prevents yes prevents cavities. Preferences I Like a dark roast with a scoop and a 1/2 of coffee per cup and a LiL bit of sugar. Yum!!! "as I take a sip of my addiction"
  • uniquely-ironic said on May 08, 2008....
    Italia - I like the dark roast (either French or Esspresso roast) too.  I use sugar in the raw for mine and prefer real cream if it's available.
  • naturalboi said on Jun 10, 2008....

    May I be an Acolyte of Coffee?  I don't do chocolate though, is that a bad thing?

    love nature and stay cool

  • RollingC said on Aug 12, 2008....
    Wow , I never realized that there was this underground movement going on.   You have Chocolate baptisms? and Coffee confessions ?
    I'm in !
    :^)
    Rc
  • Coffee-Annan said on Jan 02, 2009....
    Dear brothers and sisters!

    Please visit http://church-of-coffee.com - and join the movement!
    Coffee speed you now, in futurity and forever!

    Regards & blessings, Coffee Annan
  • uniquely-ironic said on Jan 02, 2009....
    naturalboi - you sure can! and we do not ascribe to all of the "tenants" of the church.
     
    RC - MMmm chocolate baptisms.  I mean, er, yes!
     
    CA - LOL I never realized .....
  • MissMimi said on Jan 02, 2009....
    LOL  Uni, did you read their mission statement?  The false prophet of decaf...  LOL
  • uniquely-ironic said on Jan 02, 2009....
    MMM - no, I didn't!  they did do a great job of it though.
  • Coffee-Annan said on Jan 03, 2009....
    @MMM: You shouldn't laugh about that - the false Prophet is dangerous, defac poisons the minds of millions... ;-) The lost sheep of Caffeine!

    By the way: We might need a few native speakers to have a look at our English translations... Maybe some of you have five minutes of spare time for serving the public good?

    Best wishes, Coffee Annan
  • purple said on Mar 06, 2009....
    I'll have to side with silverwhisper. The last cup of coffee I had was about 10 years ago on a freezing 2 AM outting, and I took one gulp and threw the rest in the trash can. I do however have a thing for chocolate. So I'm only half corrupted.
  • uniquely-ironic said on Mar 06, 2009....
    purple - or half enlightened! LOL

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