I basically knew what the result would be. K had already taken a home pregnancy test a few days before and it came out positive almost right away. There was every reason to believe she had conceived a child and that we could expect to be parents. I knew that meant giving up Europe and most of my plans for the next few years. She would be off work for some time and I would provide the sole income. It would be enough but it would also mean my spending and saving habits would be altered drastically. I was okay with all that. It meant we would be starting a family together. After eight years of dating it was high time in the minds of some that we not only tied the knot but combined DNA.
When she came back to the apartment she showed me the photograph taken with an echo camera of a black egg-shaped featureless object. That was it. A sack. And in the sack a zygote? A tiny embryo? She was six weeks pregnant. A baby was on the way. I suddenly looked around the apartment and felt I had to clean up. Company’s coming! Tidy up. Of course that was ridiculous. I not only had another eight months to clean up but my lease was going to expire in March and we were talking of moving to a bigger place. Still, I felt excited. What else could I feel? Should I mope and whine about lost opportunities? Should I resent the loss of my selfish freedom? I could not even try to feel that way. Already I had been thinking of the possibility of having a family and what that would mean. I knew what changes would come. I would welcome them when the time came. And that time was here. Welcome little one. Grow strong and healthy.
So, I found I was suddenly paying extra attention to commercials with families and children, particularly noticing the father’s role. I watched kids more and looked at pregnant mothers or mothers with infants. K had become a human factory in production. A tiny life form was growing inside her that would become a baby, a child, a teenager, an adult and a parent someday too.
I had to be a good dad, a cool dad, a knowledgeable dad. What things would I want my kid to know and understand? What words of wisdom would I impart? I began imagining every conceivable situation where a child would need guidance. I would want to be sure my kid learned to be kind and considerate, respectful of others, respectful of nature and the environment, a lover of music and science, a happy child that knows his/her parents are there no matter what to help him/her through tough times and celebrate good times. I even began thinking what songs to sing as lullabies and how to introduce a young child to languages and culture. Well, perhaps I was going overboard. Time will show what possibilities will come.
Yesterday K went for a blood test and another photo. Our child is now 16.7 millimetres from head to hip. That is so darn tiny. And yet the heart has started beating.
The heart has started beating.
When I read that in a text message from K I felt a twinge of excitement. Our child’s heart has begun to beat. K has two hearts beating inside her now. Conception happens everyday and a gestating foetus is as natural as anything. And yet, it seems a bloody miracle. There’s so much to look forward too.
