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bleeeehh

LadyGamer posted on Nov 12, 2007 | views: 175 | Tags: emotion, encouragement, recognition

That's how I feel right now.

Just bleh. Like a blob fish, maybe.

 

I have a problem and I don't know how to resolve it. I go to work and I read all these rules and SOP's and regulations and ... silly me... I follow them.

AND

I expect other people to follow them. But they don't. And when I try to do something about my subordinates just randomly doing whatever they want, completely disrupting my ability to do my job my superiors tell me NOT TO FREAK OUT SO MUCH.

 

THEN when the same people doing the same stuff inconvenience THEM... THEN I am suposed to "correct that behavior".  WTF.

So I try. I TRY not to care. I try not to notice the abuse and the favoritism and the slacking. I WANT to not be a growling bundle of irritation at the end of my day. With no outlet because I'm not allowed to snap at people, no.

 

Then the meeting to night happens. I am the work horse. The one everyone comes to for getting things done and yet, all eyes turn to one of the coworkers who complained about my day off with my kids when praise for a job well done is in the offing.The higher ups even bid her  a pleasant goodnight with the same breath that they asked me to finish this and that and the other. And then everyone left the room.

And I just suddenly felt so effing discouraged. I had this wierd flashback to when my parents used to close the car-door in my face after allowing my sisters to get out. Except this time, I have a shopping cart full of tools to put away and the door handle isn't as hard to get to.

It's silly, I know. But it's how I feel.

 

But really, it is how I feel about my whole life.

I am a lost, scrawny, unwanted kid aching for that scrap of acknowledgement. The pat on the head. The "Job well done". Only I can't actually see any jobs that ARE well done. Just a whole lot of jobs still doing.

And I ask myself what exactly I think I am after. Everyone is all "You are as worthy as YOU believe" and I'm all... "Uh... no."

Because I know lots of people who think they are hot shit and in reality, they are pretty sad. Even sadder, hell SORRIER, than me.

 

 

I guess I am still working on accepting my forgettable mediocrity. I'm just not there yet.



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Comments

  • EvilTwin said on Nov 12, 2007....
    I believe in you, my friend.  And I know you are a good person.  And you do deserve praise and recognition.  [Hugs]
     
    Be strong.  Believe in yourself.  I know there are those that believe in you, and they recognise the things you do. 
     
    Hang in there.  You are not alone...
  • silverwhisper said on Nov 12, 2007....
    LG, i have told you before but i see i must remind you.

    the simple truth is that your focus determines your perceptions, and your perceptions in turn determine your reality. in a word: it's about perspective.

    i can choose to view life as a marvelous journey, or i can view it as a place in which events conspire to destroy me, or i can view it as something else in the very wide spectrum b/n those 2 extremes.

    hope for the best, expect the worst, i say. b/c when the worst happens, you are prepared; and when the best happens, you will actually recognize it for what it is.

    you cannot see the horizon if your eyes are fixed on the ground, LG.

    ed
  • carmachu said on Nov 12, 2007....
    You get what you give off. You think of yourself as unworthy and give off that vibe and thats what you get in return.
     
    Folks that think their hot stuff and arent? Guess which vibe they give off? Thats right, confidence. Even if they are unworthy of it.
     
    Ed's right. You walk around with your head down, expecting very little and thats what you get. You always expect the worst. Always. And dont think you deserve better.
     
     
  • Expendable said on Nov 12, 2007....
    If letting you have a day off put them behind, you're obviously very essential to the workings of that place. God help them when you finally find that better job because you'll be gone.
  • Twylarants said on Nov 12, 2007....
    LG, you're in retail, right?  I think I read that.  Well, I am too, so I know exactly what you're talking about and precisely how you feel.  I was reassigned when our company changed over to pre-packed meat.  They let everyone go expect the dept. manager, assistant manager, and the seafood clerk.  They gave the seafood clerk the job of case tending.  When I worked with these guys they walked...a lot.  Because they knew I was there and would take care of everything. We worked together a long time and they know that's the way I am.  So now I'm in the deli, and they're still walking because they know if I see a customer waiting for help I'll help them.  I run back and forth between three depts all day.  One day  I came back to the deli, & this newer part time woman, about my age, said "Where were you? We could have used your help."  I said "What?"  I'm just not used to people talking to me that way.  She said "well, which dept pays you?", very arrogantly.  I couldn't believe my ears!  I said "C'mon over here", where no one could hear us. I told her not to ever f***ing talk to me like that again, in a very nice way.  Later I let the deli manager know what happened, just to give her a heads up.  She's my age, from Jersey, so we get along well.  She cracked up. Really, no one likes this pt woman, but I'm always nice to her just because no one else is.  Well, the bitch complained to the store manager!  Yeah, she ran to Daddy and said I picked on her!  And he had the nerve to chastise me!  I don't think so!  I explained how it really happened, let him know the manager knew about it, and suggested he tell this chick to grow up and stop being so high maintenance. 
    So I know how you feel.  Instead of thanking me for working three depts at a time, he told me to stop picking on the new girl!  Jeez, what grade are we in?
    Wow, I just saw how long this is.  I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know someone understands.
  • LadyGamer said on Nov 12, 2007....

    The other day, the department head in paint is chastising me for not getting all of my subordinants trained fast enough to work HIS department.

    I am so effing sick of my people and myself being treated like disposable, use-all blanket employees and then bad-mouthed in the break room for being lazy I flat out told him..

    "You want my people in your department? You train YOUR people to work mine."

    "Not a chance," He says, with a smirk on his face. "I don't want my people responsible for money."

    "Well when you see how unfair it is to not have that labor trade going both ways, we will rethink the training schedule." And he hasn't asked any of my people to cover his place again. Me, yes, but none of them.

  • carmachu said on Nov 12, 2007....
    Good for you!
     
    Thats your problem. Some times, you are just too nice. You need to stand yoru ground.
     
    Like that. Like the days off. Make them respect you. Rather then let them treat you like a rug.

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Not All Bad

Hegemone posted on Feb 22, 2010 | views: 33 | Tags: Job Interview, -D, job, =D, little kitty, birthday, recognition
I can't complain... read entire post 4 comments