• silverwhisper said on Nov 06, 2007....

  i don't think it's that people think of sex as being the end-all, be-all of a relationship, lisamay. i think it's much more a function of people seeing sex as symbolic of a degree of trust and intimacy. i don't think of this as being a good or bad thing, mind.
  
  ed

• rupert7 said on Nov 08, 2007....

  Its not about jealousy, its about betrayal and irreparably shattered trust. Thats it for me anyway. Fidelity - one partner. No playing around, thats it for me anyway.

• Fallyn said on Nov 08, 2007....

  i think for me. jealousy only comes if i'm not completely sure that they won't abandon me for this other person, other than that....*shrug*
  i fear abandonment pretty deeply.
  
  rup.....i guess that's one i forgot to put on that list huh.
  

• lisamay said on Nov 08, 2007....

  Its not about jealousy, its about betrayal and irreparably shattered trust. 
  
  
  I agree with that ..
  betrayal and shattered trust involve sneaking around, lying, hiding things ..
  
  
  what im getting at is a different type situation, where there is no lying or sneaking around .. nothing is hidden..
  and everyone is in agreement.
  
  
  
  

• Fallyn said on Nov 08, 2007....

  completely different.

• crybabylu said on Nov 09, 2007....

  if there is no violation of trust,  then how can anyone else judge that relationship?
  Where is the betrayal?  I don't see any.  everyone has to decide what works and doesn't work in a relationship.

• intuition897 said on Nov 09, 2007....

  It's an interesting theory, that the tendency to be jealous/insecure is  hardwired in some people.  And if that's the case, how much of it is genetic and how much of it is just learned behaviour?

  My hubby and I also "suffer" from lack of jealousy.  Perhaps a touch of insanity, too, because you know what they say about people who think the rest of the world is crazy... ;)

• Fallyn said on Nov 10, 2007....

  that's really interesting.....
  
  and i've had the experience of being completely not jealous while with one guy.....and TOTALLY jealous while in a different relationship.
  

• lisamay said on Nov 10, 2007....

  and i've had the experience of being completely not jealous while with one guy.....and TOTALLY jealous while in a different relationship.
  
  im sure the jealousy thing is very complicated and complex. with many angles, influences and all.
  
  i dont think its just one thing.
  
  i do think genetics has something to do with it .. but maybe only a small part ..
  maybe there is a pre-disposition to it or not ?
  
  learned behavior would also be there.
  
  how secure you are or not, within yourself an within your relationship.
  
  all that and more im sure :)
  
  lisa
  

• Fallyn said on Nov 11, 2007....

  i'm sure there are a LOT of different factors.

• crybabylu said on Nov 11, 2007....

  i know how one guy can make you jealous and one can't.......the second guy is trying to make you jealous....he is a game player, you know like in "mind games"

• Fallyn said on Nov 11, 2007....

  hmmmmm. dee, you might be onto something there.

• intuition897 said on Nov 12, 2007....

  My own personal theory is that jealousy is just a blanket term we use for a whole lotta insecurity.  People see jealousy as a problem.  But that's like saying that the real problem of having a disease is the pain that it causes.  The pain isn't the problem...it's just the symptom.  The real problem, the root cause, is the disease itself.  Cure the disease and the symptoms accordingly disappear.

  I think the reason why one person tends to be more prone to jealousy than another is, like those who are prone to depression, they are more likely to have certain thought patterns.  This could be environmental or it could be a genetic predisposition.  If a person is predisposed to have low self-esteem, for example, they will more likely be the "jealous type". 

  If a person is jealous with one partner and not another, I'm thinking that points to something specific to their relationship.  If jealousy is a symptom, what is the problem?  No symptom = no problem.

• crybabylu said on Nov 12, 2007....

  hey fallyn--are you reading this?

• crybabylu said on Nov 12, 2007....

  Intuition897:--I was following you clear down to last sentence, and then the entire thing fell apart.
   
  No symptom = no problem
   
  First of all, are you married?  Because if you are going by the absence of symptoms, are in for a big fall.
   
  Some people are very good actors, and my ex was had what I call control emotions or controlled anger, you never knew when it was going to explode.
  believe me their were no symptoms before the bomb exploded.

• Fallyn said on Nov 13, 2007....

  yeah, i'm here dee.
  
  well....in my case.....the first one...i was SURE he was NEVER going to leave...there was no insecurity in that regard. he'd always be there, even if he was completely ignoring me. .....i was never afraid of him leaving.
  and in the second....there's a lot of jealousy simply because the whole relationship is so unknown and convoluted. and based on a lot of stuff that neither of us know how to deal with
  

• intuition897 said on Nov 13, 2007....

  First of all, are you married? Because if you are going by the absence of symptoms, are in for a big fall.

  
  

  Yes, I am married.  13+ years now.  No jealousy whatsoever for either of us.  So for us it holds true. We both know one another and trust one another implicitly and the idea of cheating has been addressed.  We have both agreed that if either of us begins to entertain the idea of cheating/lying, it's our responsibility to bring this discussion forward.   But I see your point.  Perhaps that equation is a little too simplified.  A total lack of jealousy could also point to a problem, I guess.  If one partner couldn't care less about the other, then it would make sense that there was nothing to be jealous of.   Or, I'm guessing by what you told me, you were lied to and lulled into a false sense of security.  You said there were no symptoms...you didn't even get a gut twinge now and then?  Nothing?

  
  

  Some people are very good actors, and my ex was had what I call control emotions or controlled anger, you never knew when it was going to explode. believe me their were no symptoms before the bomb exploded.

  
  

  Can you elaborate on this a bit?  What do you mean  by control emotions or controlled anger?

• sabsrbo said on Feb 02, 2009....

  So, I just stumbled upon this blog and I realize that everyone's responses on here are pretty old.  It was just interesting to me because I recently blogged for the very first time posing the question of whether or not jealousy is something we are born to likely have, or is it a learned behavior. There are some people I know what never get jealous.  Me on the other hand, I've always had a problem with it. I would really like to get control over it but am convinced that it's stuck with me for life. What do you think? 

  Here's a history of my personal bouts of jealousy throughout my life. I would love to hear what everyone's thoughts are on this.

  http://notsooddobsessions.blogspot.com/

   

   

• sabsrbo said on Feb 02, 2009....

  So, I just stumbled upon this blog and I realize that everyone's responses on here are pretty old.  It was just interesting to me because I recently blogged for the very first time posing the question of whether or not jealousy is something we are born to likely have, or is it a learned behavior. There are some people I know what never get jealous.  Me on the other hand, I've always had a problem with it. I would really like to get control over it but am convinced that it's stuck with me for life. What do you think? 

  Here's a history of my personal bouts of jealousy throughout my life. I would love to hear what everyone's thoughts are on this.

  http://notsooddobsessions.blogspot.com/

   

   

• sabsrbo said on Feb 02, 2009....

  So, I just stumbled upon this blog and I realize that everyone's responses on here are pretty old.  It was just interesting to me because I recently blogged for the very first time posing the question of whether or not jealousy is something we are born to likely have, or is it a learned behavior. There are some people I know what never get jealous.  Me on the other hand, I've always had a problem with it. I would really like to get control over it but am convinced that it's stuck with me for life. What do you think? 

  Here's a history of my personal bouts of jealousy throughout my life. I would love to hear what everyone's thoughts are on this.

  http://notsooddobsessions.blogspot.com/

   

   

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