where do i go from here....I'm 27 years old married for the past 6 years of my life and my husband and I are trying to recover from our 2nd seperation. We seperated back in 05 because he cheated..06 he cheated again..he blames them both on me. I was never there and because of things that I did years before even dating back to 1999 that he never quite forgave me for..when we were 19 and dating he cheated on me and so to get him back and to hurt him where I knew it would hurt I lied and told him that I was pregnant, I carried the lie for about 2 months and told him I had a miscarriage..after we were married I told him the truth and for that I have been cheated on. He says because he never got over me lying about something so important he never forgave me and he resented me in so many ways he started to go astray.Well when we seperated the 2nd time around I met someone else. In a very very short time frame I fell in love with the other man and the feelings were mutual.But yet I still had a secret and the only other man that was aware of my secret was my husband. I was raped at 14 and contracted herpes from the guy.I didn't know how to tell my new guy but eventually I did, intially he was pissed wanted nothin to do with me just straight pushed me to the side..who can blame him. My other problem I was still sleeping with my husband up until 1 week before I met the new guy and I never told my new guy that we (my husband and I) still had a sexual relationship. He found out the truth when my husband popped up at my house one night uninvited, and angry because I had stopped sleeping with him and taking his calls...All of a sudden my husband realized that he loved me and wanted to be with me after he discovered that I had moved on..Long story short even though the new guy now knows everything about me I'm still scared to be with him.He says that he excepts all of me and that he loves me and the feelings are mutual. I haven't seen him in 4 months and we haven't talked but not a day goes by that I don't think about him and what we could have shared and what the future had in store for us. He seems so perfect but something just won't allow me to walk away from my marriage.My husband says he has truly forgivin me and loves only me and he's busted his ass tryin to make things work. I told him I forgive him as well but every now and then i think about how he cheated on me and the names he called me how he treated me.Like I said I am in love with the new guy but i just don't know what to do..something is anchoring me to this marriage..is it guilt,love ,fear,or a combination of all them..I just want to be happy but truth is I really don't know how..
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Comments
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Miyuki said on Nov 05, 2007....
I know the feeling of like being trapped in a situation. Easier said then done is just walk out of your husband. i think this new guy will be better for you.It is up to you to decide and do it. -
preacherman said on Nov 05, 2007....
If there was no new guy, would you still want to leave? This marriage is not go to last unless both of you want it to 200%. Do you have children? Because that might be an important consideration in your mind.If the two of you honestly want the marriage to work, please consult a counselor so you can work thru these issues. I would suggest a spiritual counselor, if either or both of you are spiritual. -
astranger said on Nov 05, 2007....
You had a bad relationship in the beginning. He cheated and kept on cheating. He blamed you for his cheating. You did not go and tell him to cheat, It is his trait. No matter what he tells you he will cheat again. He will alway say he loves you because if he loses you than that hurts his ego. I know this i have watch it happened. you are better off to stay apart and get the help you need to get you past this. You have to fix your past with work. And being by yourself will make you strong. It is hard beleive me ....................................... -
SecretKeeper85 said on Nov 06, 2007....
There are no children involved and during our seperation I must admit I was kinda of happy being on my own. Since we have been back together my body has gone thru all types of changes.Weight gain,my cycle is thrown off because I'm stressed about being what I'm supposed to be. I find myself crying a lot of times over the new guy because I miss him so much and I can't help but to wonder what could have been... -
AlwaysThinking said on Nov 06, 2007....
the past is in the past....create new and move on...
I know it's easier said then done...but keep moving on and don't look back...
you have no children compared to my situation....
enjoy your life...smile
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astranger said on Nov 06, 2007....
It is time to move on. no matter how hard it will be. There is some one out there that will love you for you. and be devoted to you.... -
SecretKeeper85 said on Nov 06, 2007....
Thank u all for your advice...I appreciate it all and I'm definitly taking it all in. -
Fallyn said on Nov 09, 2007....
hon....i went through something EXTREMELY similar....and my only advice is.....end one relationship before committing to a second......if it's over with your husband, make sure it's over....even if it's because you love someone else more......make it be OVER before you move on......i made the mistake of not doing that...and it screwed up my new relationship almost beyond repair.
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