Today I'm going to be spending the afternoon with my husband's family for his niece's 4th birthday party. She's a cute little girl and it's at a lake. Those are the only reasons I'm going.
I know I am going to get a gang bombardment about my foot and diabetes. That goes without saying. None of my husband's siblings have called to ask how I am since I've been home. They were plenty curious when I was in the hospital though. I don't feel like delving out my whole medical history today. So, I won't.
His sisters are no doubt dying to see my foot. That's not going to happen. I'm not a freak show for their amusement. It's not that I mind showing it to people. I just showed it to my dad yesterday because he asked. The difference is that he cares about my well being. The in-laws are just simply curious. It would be fodder for good gossip. I would have them all gathered around looking and asking stupid questions. I'm just saying no if it come up.
It's gotten back to me that they think that I am difficult. I'm hard to get to know. I don't think that's true. I am different from them. That much is true. I don't dish gossip with them. I don't give them a lot of personal information either. They exclude me. I won't bend over backwards for them to like me. This used to bother me a lot. After what I've been through this fall, I could care less. My life is more important to me. It's ok to put myself first now. If they don't like it, too bad.
Today will be interesting to see if they acknowledge my weight loss. It's very noticeable now. If I can look in the mirror and see a thinner woman, I know the rest of the world can too. I seem to always see myself heavier than I am. I'm betting they won't say a word. I am certain though that I will be quizzed on what I can and cannot eat. I don't mind some questions, especially if people are not familiar with the disease. I do mind the way in which they ask. They seem to be ignorant of the world around them sometimes. It's frustrating because they really believe they know what they are talking about.
I know I probably sound like I am whining. Forgive me for that. I just had to get some of this off my chest instead of being all worked up before I even leave the house. I have convinced myself that taking the high road is best. I am above boycotting a little girl's birthday party because of my own pettiness toward others. I will endure it for her. I never want the children in his family to ever think I have anything against them. I don't.
I will give the respect I receive. Nothing more. Nothing less.
CW
CreativeWoman posted on Nov 04, 2007
| views: 298
Comments
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MissMimi said on Nov 04, 2007....
CDub, I love this post! As I was reading it I was thinking, good for you! I think it's very generous and sweet for you to go to his niece's party for her.I love that you no longer measure yourself by their standards. Whining? Quite the opposite, to me. I see a woman who is learning to value herself. You have every right to set personal boundaries. They don't get it, and they never will. It says far more about them than it does about you.You go, and hold your head up high, CDub. {{{hugs}}} -
uniquely-ironic said on Nov 04, 2007....
Good for you that you're going to the party to enjoy spending time with your niece. As far as telling people about your toe or diet or anything, well, you have to set the boundries there. If they don't like it tough. Of course I don't see you being rude, and I'm proud that you are thinking through just what you want to share. -
silverwhisper said on Nov 04, 2007....
good for you, CW. :>
"i'm not a freak show for their amusement."
this is, i think, how i think you should respond to them should they ask. also i think you should point out that their fascination w/ gossip makes you uncomfortable sharing things with them. b/c honestly, it seems that you're happiest when they don't talk with you. that response will shut them up in a hurry, i wager.
although granted, that may not exactly constitute "taking the high road", come to think of it... :>
ed -
wombat said on Nov 04, 2007....
Can you stand one more "Good For You?" I think you are living the example of dignity and grace. And part of the "healing" and moving on process will have to be dealing with (or rather not dealing with!) curiosity seekers. Ask one of them if you can see their hysterectemy scar! No? Then, remember the post about this...?BITE ME! lol....You are doing great, sounds like to me. And I hope you enjoyed the lake and the party as much as you deserved to! -
Mamie said on Nov 04, 2007....
you are far more mature than I, CW!! I would prefer to go to the mall or catch a movie, so I hope it went well (which I am sure it did). You are a generous soul and hey, they are gonna yak about you whether you go or not, talk or not, share or not....so there! Hope you enjoyed your niece! mamie -
CreativeWoman said on Nov 04, 2007....
Mimi,
I went. I talked about school with all the nieces and nephews. The birthday girl was adorable. She loves horses. We gave her a pink shirt with a horse on it and a necklace with a horse pendant.
I didn't offer any information, but I did answer questions. The one sister-in-law was still asking if I would be getting a fake toe. She's so sure that I should be. I tried to explain, but oh well. I was nice.
UI,
I did make every effort not to be rude. I just have to accept that their sincerity is fake and more like a fact finding mission. It went ok. I tried hard not to be too stressed about it.
Ed,
I am happiest when I don't talk to them. No one asked to see my foot, but they were oh so curious about my All Terrain Crocs and how or if they helped my balance. I know they want to see, because I know how they are. I'm not offering though. Sometimes I wish I could be mean to shut them up, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I always feel guilty when I do that.
wombat,
Thank you. I am just tired of letting them get to me. Life is far too short. I will start thinking "bite me" to myself when they start getting to me. :-)
mamie,
I know that they probably started talking about me the second I started walking toward the car. I'm sure they were judging how well I walked, etc. I did enjoy my niece. She's a cutie. The adults...welll....you know.
CW
Oh, and I was right about the weight loss. Not a one of the in-laws acknowledged it. A family friend was amazed and said I looked great. It's not that I'm looking for validation from them. It's just that I would have encouraged such an achievement had it been one of them. That frustrates me coming from a self-righteous group such as they are. I guess in the grand scheme of things it makes no difference.
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uniquely-ironic said on Nov 04, 2007....
I know you did fantastic and (boy I seem to say this a lot lately) if they don't like it .... Fuck 'Em! *giggles*Family. They sure can make life hard some times. -
CreativeWoman said on Nov 04, 2007....
UI,
They do make life hard. I did my best.
CW
Comment on "Taking the high road..."
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