So it's not even 6am yet as I'm starting this blog and I'm already up. In fact, with this stupid time change, I was actually awake at 4am. It felt like 5am to me because I forgot to change the clock. But either way, that's way too early to be up on a Sunday morning! But the good news is I did not wake up at 3:43am again. I think the clock said 5:35am (which was really 4:35am).
Anyway, I'm sure that's fascinating information for everyone to know. Does anyone really care the specifics of what time I woke up? Probably not. The point is, I woke up too early. And then one of our cats jumped on the bed and started licking my toes. Then she walked across me and and sat on my pillow and started purring in my face and kneading my head with her claws. I couldn't get back to sleep.
Even after I tossed her out the bedroom and closed the door, I was wide awake. So I just decided to get up. I made some coffee, turned on the heater, and fired up my laptop. I peeked in here at SC, saw nothing much, then I checked my email accounts, answered some messages, and I looked at the clock and it was still only 5:30am. What the hell am I going to do to entertain myself until Nat wakes up? So that's why I'm writing this. It might not interest anyone else, but it's giving me something to do.
But just so this post isn't a total loss, I'll talk about something funny. Or at least it's funny to me. That could just be the lack of sleep influencing me. But at my office, the woman who works at the reception desk has her desk decorated up. She's got little plants and stuff like that. And next to one of the plants, she has this little squirrel statue.
Well, in recent weeks when we've arrived at work, the squirrel has been gathering acorns. We'd walk into the place, and suddenly the squirrel had a nut sitting next to him. And he just kept gathering more each day. Apparently, the cleaning guy was having some fun with this. There was no one else it could have been, because they'd only show up the next morning after everyone had left.
But since we're good sports, we just left his acorns there. The squirrel had a nice collection of them too. But Friday morning I walked in and I noticed something else. Behind the squirrel, someone had placed a small pile of Raisinettes! The squirrel had now crapped on the counter. I guess all of those acorns had to come out eventually.
I died of laughter. This cleaning guy is a total dork just like me, obviously. I asked the girl at the desk if she'd seen what her squirrel had done. She hadn't yet. So I told her he had soiled the counter and maybe we needed to put a diaper on him? She thought it was hilarious too when she saw it. And we just left it alone.
But we did leave the guy a note saying that he needs to be careful when he's cleaning our office. Apparently he's leaving the door open and our pet squirrel is running around gathering too many nuts. And now he's defiled our reception desk. Could he please get a pooper scooper and take care of the matter?
I wonder what he's going to say that? Or better yet, what he's going to do to the squirrel? I like the fact the guy has a sense of humor though. I guess he needs to pass the time and amuse himself while he's vacuuming and taking out the trash.
The last cleaning guy we had at the office used to steal stuff. And not good stuff either. He would eat our food. We had this tin full of toffee that someone gave us as a thank you and it was AMAZING. The best candy I've ever eaten. It was expensive too. And one night we left it on the counter in the break area, half full. The next day I opened it up and it was empty. The fucker. How could he eat my candy? And someone's old Subway sandwich disappeared from the fridge too. Who would want that? But he left it there the day before and went to eat it the next day, and it was gone.
I fired him after the candy incident though. That pissed me off. There was no one else who could have eaten it. I was the last person to leave the office the day before. But it's better than this other cleaning guy we had once. He didn't speak English very good, but he did an okay job. Until one morning I arrived at work and found blood all over the place.
Yup. Blood. It was splattered on the wall, dripped on the floor, and smeared across someone's work station. I thought someone had been murdered in there. In fact, I still have no idea what happened exactly. I think he cut himself and instead of getting a bandage, he just shook his hand out and continued to bleed everywhere.
I called him up and asked him what the fuck he did and he said he didn't know what I was talking about. Mostly because he didn't speak English. I'm not sure he understood what I was asking him even. I didn't know the Indian word for 'crime scene' or 'blood splatter'. But I fired him. What else could I do? He bled all over the office! And he didn't clean it up! He's a cleaning guy.
But just so you know, I never called the police. There wasn't so much blood that it really looked like someone died there. I'm pretty sure it was his blood and he cut himself. But who knows? Maybe I should have called in the CSI guys? But no one came up missing or dead, so I assume it was nothing. And it was only my first month on the job as the guy in charge. I wasn't sure what to do. So I wielded my newfound Donald Trump like power and simply said, "you're fired."
Anyway, this new cleaning guy? I like him. He's funny. And this concludes my early morning writing session about cleaning guys and the people who fire them.
-evil_twin LA
evil_twin posted on Nov 04, 2007
| views: 531
Comments
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the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 04, 2007....
I'm torn between laughing my ass off at the squirrel's antics courtesy of your current cleaning guy and being horrified that a cleaning person would leave blood all over the place. You've had some real losers in that position, it seems! Yikes.
Sorry that you're up so early today. That really does suck. My kids woke up more than an hour ahead of normal, too. Stupid time change.
~Infernal
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evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
Infernal--At least I'm not the only one who's up right now! Of course, I think you're 3 hours ahead of me so it's more acceptable for you to be up. But yeah, we've had some real winners as our cleaning crew. But I really like the squirrel guy. He's funny! The blood guy gave me the creeps. I hope he didn't kill anyone... -
Twylarants said on Nov 04, 2007....
ET- the time change screwed me up this morning too. I forgot that my new clock radio changed itself (ooh, these new-fangled gadgets!), so I thought it was an hour later than it was, or something. I got up too early too.
Love the sense of humor of your cleaning guy.
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Mr_Box said on Nov 04, 2007....
Shit, you're up already too? I've been up since six. But it felt like seven. Why the hell can't we sleep in like normal people?
Of course munchkin was up early too and wanted pancakes. I don't think so. I may be out of bed, but I'm not awake enough to cook. She can have cereal.
This cleaning dude sounds like a riot. That's something I would do. Maybe it's me sneaking into your office to plant acorns and squirrel turds?
Nah. It's not. But it would be funny to do something like that.
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evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
twyla--None of our clocks changed on their own, and I forgot to set them before we went to sleep. My computer didn't even change because I had to turn off the automatic time setting feature. It changed last weekend instead! The cleaning guy is funny, isn't he?
Mr. Box--Yup, I'm up already. I thought maybe you would be too. You're always up early. I don't blame you for not wanting to make pancakes though. It's definitely too early to start cooking stuff. And you're right, the squirrel prank does seem like something you'd do!
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uniquely-ironic said on Nov 04, 2007....
Good cleaning help must be hard to find. I think who you have now is probably as good as it gets. At least you can fire the guy if he's not doing his job. The guy at my company is collecting a check for doing some of the shittiest work I've seen in a long while. I have to make a catastrophic mess just to get him to touch my work area.Oh well, I guess I'm just glad I don't do that job. -
fearing said on Nov 04, 2007....
We've already had the "why are you up that early" talk......but the times you kept saying were making smoke roll out of my ears.
I like your cleaning guy too. Keep us posted. I enjoy a good, harmless practical joke.
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evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
uniquely--It is hard to find good cleaning help. And in all honesty, they get paid way too much for what they actually do. At least at our office. I'm sure other places present more of a challenge, but he doesn't have to do too much at our place. I appreciate this guys sense of humor though. And he does his job too!
fearing--You mean you weren't fascinated by the play by play of my waking up times? I thought for sure that would keep everyone riveted with excitement :-P I'll let you know what sort of squirrel antics I find when I get to work tomorrow.
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destinydiva said on Nov 04, 2007....
lol, the squirrel thing is funny, we had this dancing sunflower thingy in work that one of the girls adopted as her own, me and this guy took it off her desk and left a ransom note....then it turned in to this on going joke for months, everytime someone went on there holidays they would send a postcard from the sunflower!! you know, we never did give the dancing flower back?? wonder what happened to it... :-)
aaw hope you manage to get a good nights sleep soon :-) xx
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evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
destiny--That's funny! I love crazy humor like that. I should have stolen the squirrel and taken it to Disneyland with us! That would have been funny. I hope I get some good sleep soon too. I'm running on empty here. I just don't know what to do to keep myself from waking up. -
uniquely-ironic said on Nov 04, 2007....
I'd pay our janitor in chocolate (my only form of wealth) if he/she would just friggin dust my desk once in awhile. My monitor is also pretty dusty. I'm considering doing a cartoon of a dust bunny attacking me for the janitor since I'm pretty sure they don't habla english. -
silverwhisper said on Nov 04, 2007....
that business about the squirrel is very, very funny! i loved that thing about the raisinets! :D
WTF was up w/ the blood though. i mean, that's just plain loopy!
sorry you were awake so early, kyle, that blows. :<
ed -
evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
uniquely--The guy we had before (the one who stole my candy) used to leave crap lying around all the time. Once, I deliberately left some ripped up papers next to the trash can and some pencil shavings, just to see if he'd take care of it. It sat like for a week before I finally did it myself! -
evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
silver--The Raisinettes were funny, weren't they? I cracked up. I have no idea wtf was up with the blood though. I think it might be better if I didn't know! -
nursecutie said on Nov 04, 2007....
I'm sorry you were up so early again!! But it was your cat that was licking your toes........LOL She just wanted to love her daddy :)
I slept good and didn't even know you'd gotten up! But I'm glad you came back to bed and woke me up so you wouldn't be lonely :)
I thought your squirrel story was soooo cute and funny!!! I like your cleaning guy. It sounds like he must know you are not a serious and stuffy office so he wanted to have some fun. But the man who left blood on everything is scary!!! I hope he didn't have a disease. But I guess that was a long time ago anyway.......
I hope that you will sleep better soon though.......maybe you need some sleeping pills??
xxoo natalie xxoo
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evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
cutie--It was my cat that was licking me. Misty has a foot fetish. She always has! And of course I got back in bed to wake you up :-) I know you don't like to wake up alone. Plus, I was getting bored! I needed my girl to keep me company. Do you think sleeping pills would really help me? Do they make you sleep longer or just put you to sleep? Because I don't have any problems falling asleep, just staying that way. -
wombat said on Nov 04, 2007....
This cleaning guy is probably trying to be funny and stay on your good side, so he doesn't get fired! Ha.I thought this was funny as Hell. I love "running jokes" like this. Life needs more fun people like this!(and glad you may have conquered the 3:43 a.m. thing) -
crybabylu said on Nov 04, 2007....
funny..............dee -
evil_twin said on Nov 04, 2007....
wombat--I love running jokes like this too! This is the type of stuff Nat and I do at home too and it makes me laugh. I don't think this cleaning guy will get fired. Not unless he stops doing his job or stealing or bleeding all over the place! I think my sleep problem is improving too. Slightly. But some progress is better than none.
crybaby--Glad you liked it.
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wombat said on Nov 04, 2007....
The definitive definition of progress is progress. -
Mamie said on Nov 05, 2007....
that is so funny!The only thing about the food is this: if it was the only meal that the person could have...you would have tied a bow on it and handed it to him or her, so why worry about it, ya know?I kind of think like this: you cannot steal from your own Father's house....this is all His, so therefore it is also yours...now I am not stupid nor naive, but do you see what I mean? -
evil_twin said on Nov 05, 2007....
wombat--Yes it is :-) I woke up at 4:34am this morning instead of 3:43am. This must mean something....
mamie--You have a very noble point about the missing food. But it was my special candy! How he ate all of it and didn't barf, I'll never know. I could overlook the missing sandwich, but it was just rude to clean out someone's candy stash. And as an employer, you still have to look at it as stealing. What would he take next?
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Mamie said on Nov 05, 2007....
i know...sad but true, and those are just the things you did know about...we had a cleaning crew steal a television from a storage room, my wallet (which I had forgotten) from a bottom drawer of my desk...I wasn't so noble then, I can tell ya! :)) -
evil_twin said on Nov 05, 2007....
mamie--Exactly. I didn't even know what else he might have taken. And we work with some very expensive equipment too. If a person can steal food, they might move onto something bigger so they can buy more food. But personally, I think the guy was just a jerk and not starving. He drove a really nice truck, so it's not like he was homeless. -
tizzygirl said on Nov 05, 2007....
That's funny! I wish we had a cool cleaning guy :( We have this woman who likes to pick everything up that I have sitting on the floor and pile it in a tower on my desk...it's kind of annoying but I get over it, every monday I just rearrange everything back to normal! But I wish some squirel would crap on my desk!! -
Brunettebmshell said on Nov 08, 2007....
Ok, between the out of control squirrel defiling the desk, and the creepy cleaning guy who splatters blood everywhere, it sounds like your office is a zoo! Haha!Wish crazy things like that happened at my office to keep it interesting. It can get SO boring sometimes. And the only thing the janitor leaves behind at my work is the garbage which he forgets to empty from time to time..This was really funny though, I was definitely laughing aloud.BB -
evil_twin said on Nov 09, 2007....
tizzy--I just had to laugh over the end of your comment, "I wish some squirrel would crap on my desk!" Be careful what you wish for! :-P
brunette--I'm glad this made you laugh! This cleaning guy now is a riot. I like his practical jokes. But the blood guy creeped me out!
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