This is the dream of my closure from which I woke up in tears, but after which i fell asleep feeling almost at peace.
In the dream my daughter and i are in a small boat.
There is barely room for the two uf us. Cant say if we are rowing. The water is perfectly still and dark. But in front of the boat there is a carp.........its a big carp, white and yellow, i think his belly is red-orange.......its one of those fishes very common in a Japanese pond...
The amazing thing is that the carp is out of the water and obvioulsy leading the boat.
The carp guides us to the other side of the pond. Its night. On the other side of it my ex husband is sitting, alone, like in a niche.....he is not doing anything. I assume he was watching us or waiting for us. His features are fuzzy.
I was fine when i was on the boat but as soon as i get out of it i found myself distraught and upset...
I am counting several sacks of rice.....they are stacked one on top of another one in 3 neat rows but i am missing one bag. I know this bag is the most important bag of them all....without it i know i will be in trouble. That's why i am so upset and i am crying.
And then my ex arrives close to me and, without a word or a smile, gives me this small black bag of rice.
At the same moment i realize he will leave forever.
I am happy to have the bag but sad for him leaving. But most of all i know this its the way its supposed to be.
I wake up sobbing, just sobbing....yet i feel calm....such a weird sensation....
I am able to rethink about the dream, giving it a meaning and finding a sort of solace. And then i go back to sleep.
I consider this dream a closure dream.
Many things are changing lately in my and my daughter life. This little family that we are is the core of my life.
She quit Girl Scout, she went trick-and treat alone without me for the very first time. She will be at home alone after school since i will start working. She is choosing new friends and leaving behind the ones i used to see her with.
And for me....its one year i am struggling with depression, since my sister passed away and i am hoping this new job will also help me to change some patterns in my life that i found now necessary to change....i hope it will give me back focus and appreciation.
Dreams talk to us.
The symbolism of some of them is evident.
Some are also just pretty.
Like that white beautiful carp leading my small boat.
I know exactly what it means........
