I don't even know where to start.

what a crazy day.

this post isn't even gonna make sense. *laughing* cause my brain is fogged.

in a good way.....i think.....i'm not sure if i'd want it to clear right now or not.

emotions are swirling in me and i'm not sure what they are all about.

spent the night with my lover. .....he didn't come till late......he has a complicated situation with his kids mom...so had to wait till she got off work so he could leave. no worries.....they aren't together...i'm not "the other woman"

he makes me feel so beautiful. every time we meet i can tell his eyes are popping. *grins and happily swooning* ........he definitely likes a woman to be a woman......skirts and lipstick....etc. and i've never had so much fun trying to impress him in that way. i know it's not necessary with him....maybe that's why it's so fun to try.

but the first time i saw him......i can't help but laugh......i wasn't taking care of myself....other than a shower.....grungy jeans.....a sweatshirt.....my hair straight.....barely combed through.

and he still liked me. so...i know the extra effort isn't necessary....but oh my god is it appreciated.

he left about an hour ago....he has to be home when his son wakes up.....it's complicated.....but.....

i couldn't go back to sleep after he left.
he's warm
and he snores. *grin* ......not horribly....just enough that it reminds me he's there.

and he holds me the way i like to be held while i'm sleeping.

both of us are really light sleepers though...and we haven't reached a point yet where we are used to the other being there....both of us are used to sleeping alone.....so if one of us rolls over...the other is awake....at least semi.

but now i can smell him in the room, i'm not sure if it's aftershave, or cologne, or just deodorant, it doesn't matter, i love it.......i can still taste his kiss.

i've never gotten to wake up in the morning with him there......one of us has always had to leave before morning.

i wonder if it can ever be any other way? ...how many years of this? ....once, twice a month......

i'm in a hotel room right now.....again...it's complicated, and i agree about confusing his son....his son is still dealing with his parents break up.....he's not ready for some woman in his dad's bed. i love his son.....i've fallen for him almost as hard as i've fallen for his dad.

we're spending the day with him tomorrow...at a park or something, not sure yet.

i just had to write something about tonight.......i don't know why.....it's just been a really good night.

i won't go into the lurid details......this one will remain private for the most part......but needless to say i am fully satiated. *really happy sigh*

just can't go back to sleep now that i'm in bed alone.