You got home last night, and I was fine. I was cool, really. Until I found out you didn't want to see me. I guess I had it in my head that you would. And I would get to turn you down. Instead I made an arse of myself. Texting repeatedly and ringing over and over and over until you answered....at 2 in the morning. You went out with friends and to a club...and stayed the night with someone. I don't know who with. I guess it doesn't matter. How many more wake-up calls do I need? That was a pretty good one. All I wanted was to hear you say to me on the phone that you don't love me, that you don't want to see me, that you don't want me to come over. But instead you told me you love me, you want me to still come over, you're just out having a good time. You're gone for a week and I haven't spoken to you in as much time. And yet you still choose your drinking buddies. Why does this surprise me? And why do I still let it hurt me and make me angry? Even though you won't say what I want to hear to make me leave you alone, you really have said it...over and over. Every time you do this to me. You swore you'd be home round 4am and that I could come over then....I waited up. You finally ring and say you're actually not coming home. And now I'm up and exhausted...another day ruined by a shitty night of waiting and stressing over you. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How fucking desperate and pathetic can I get? I have a date this week...I'm talking to new people on the phone and going out every night. But all I want is you. You who just punishes me for it, every chance you get. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so angry with myself and you and everything. You're a fucking selfish coward...and I let you! I dote on it! It's disgusting. I wouldn't want me, either. And then you say...in a weird way, you're still my girlfriend. WTF????? More like your dog...I'm there when you want me, shut outside when you don't. I'll cuddle you in bed...but if you want a night out, you have no one to answer to. Great fucking life for you. You have someone that loves and waits for you no matter what, but you get to do everything else a single person does. Enjoying only the best parts of a relationship. And I just say...thank you! Fucking ridiculous. I'm done. I'm really, really done. Fuck you, Jon. I will be stronger now.