I'm am really feeling blue today.  Well, its not just today, but for awhile now.  But today is really hard for some reason.

 

That's not entirely true.  I think I know why I am feeling so blue.  I am really, really, really missing an old friend.  I can't get this person out of my mind lately.  And believe me I have tried.  I have tried distracting myself in various ways...immersing myself in books, rum, busy work like scrubbing the walls at home.  Nothing helps. 

 

Of course, any normal person's reaction would be to call this person up and talk.  Offer an apology, anything.  I can't.  When the decision was made to go our separate ways, it was because I couldn't give what was needed at that time.  I still can't. So I don't feel right calling, e-mailing, or even sending a quick text that says nothing but "Hi!"  I can't ask anything more from him than he had already given, especially when I can't give him the simple things he asked for. But that doesn't mean that I am not terribly lonely.  I wonder if he is ok, and what he is doing.  I wonder about his family, and if they are ok.  Quite honestly the whole situation is a mess...

 

But everything around me lately makes me think about him.  I really don't know what to do to get out of this mood.