I don't know how things are where you live, but we periodically get people who go to door to door selling stuff. Usually magazine subscriptions or something dumb like that. Which by the way, is a scam. A friend of mine signed up for like two years of Penthouse and he never got anything. The guy just took his money and ran.
So normally I don't even answer the door. But a couple of times they've caught me. Like last night. I was in the living room and we had the front door open, so you could see through the screen. And this guy walks up and says hello. I couldn't very well pretend I wasn't home because he could see me sitting there.
So I get up and go the door and he's selling some sort of cleaning product. And he starts rambling about how well it cleans and it's totally non toxic and safe for all our pets and children. And then he squirts the stuff in his mouth! Yuck! I stepped back and went, "oh nasty!" And I started laughing and asked him what the hell he was doing. He's drinking the cleaner? Is he crazy? But he tells me that he was showing me how safe it was. And it didn't taste that bad either.
Okay buddy. I'll take your word for it. And then he starts cleaning my window with it before I can tell him I'm not interested. And the whole time he's telling me this speech about the product. And then in mid sentence, he did that weird thing where you hiccup and burp at the same time. It was hilarious! And I immediately busted up laughing. He's like, "oh, excuse me!" but I couldn't stop laughing. And I told him it was alright, but he really shouldn't be hitting the cleaning bottle so heavily. I don't think you should drink that shit! I don't care if it's non toxic. It's still soap.
I expected to see little bubbles come out of his mouth when he burped. Now that would have been funny. I almost felt bad for not buying his crap too. But I really didn't want edible cleaner. I prefer my cleaners to not be drinkable. But I guess if you're in a bind and really thirsty, it could come in handy.
I also had these two people come to my door a few weeks ago selling carpet cleaning services. They told me it was a special waterless process and they could do it right on the spot. They had no truck or supplies, so I asked them what they were going to clean it with. The woman told me it was a special air filtering process. But again, no equipment. So I asked her if they were going to sprinkle fairy dust on the carpet and blow it off. How do you clean something without any supplies?
They had no answer for me. And when I told them I'd take their brochure for future reference, they snatched it away and said it was the only one they had. Hmm. Do I smell a scam? I'm pretty sure they were looking to rob us. They were either going to tie us up and take everything, or case the place once they were inside, and come back later. I slammed the door in their face.
I hate door to door salespeople. I don't trust them. But at the least the cleaner guy was entertaining. Probably because he drinks cleaner. If he didn't, he might not have amused me so much.
-evil_twin LA
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evil_twin posted on Oct 25, 2007
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Comments
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uniquely-ironic said on Oct 25, 2007....
Maybe the bubbles come out of the other end ET.I hate it when we get door to door salesmen. I have a peep hole in the door, so I don't open up, but when I do they never have anything I want to buy. I have only had one salesman ever sell me stuff, and that was at work. He sold books, and we developed a week to week relationship. (yeesh! me and books)The carpet people sounded absolutely frightening. -
hinana said on Oct 25, 2007....
what I find really amazing is how after goign round to sooooo many peoples houses where the people are usually soo rude, when they get to the next house theyre always soo cheery! and positive..and bright!
i mean, after trying to sell chocolates door to door and other stuff back from elementary school, i woulod get so frustrated , people are so mean to even innocent sweet lil children like me =P
not saying ur a mean person though twinnie im sure ur very nice xD
but even now that i hafta deal with customers, i cant fake being happy when im in a bad mood >.>
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Tara115 said on Oct 25, 2007....
That is hilarious!!! I wonder how many bottles he has gone through, just by drinking it. LOL He must be costing the company money if he isn't selling anything. LOL I just get them college kids trying to sell magazines, and they flirt EXTRA just to try and get me to buy it. Like tell me they will take me with them on their trip if they win, Yeah OK buddy!!! Do u know whaty the name brand was of the cleaner he was selling? There used to be something out there for cleaners, but I can't remember the name of it, I think It started with an A. -
botoni said on Oct 25, 2007....
Lucky me, all I ever get are the kids selling Girl Guide cookies or school kids selling chocolate coated almonds. I m a sucker for them. They get a sale everytime. I m not big on drinkable cleaning solutions either ET. -
evil_twin said on Oct 25, 2007....
uniquely--That's a funny image! The bubbles coming out the other end! I don't even want to know. Normally I wouldn't answer the door for these people, but when we're in the living room, we like to have the screen door open. It makes it harder to hide though!
hinana--I would hate to have a job selling stuff door to door. I'm always polite to them, but I still don't trust them. Especially not that carpet cleaning place!
tara--I have no idea what the stuff was called. It was pink. That's all I know. I wasn't actually listening to him when he was talking. I was still hung up on the fact that he sprayed the cleaner in his mouth!
botoni--I will sometimes buy the candy and the cookies from the kids. I trust them. But these other people I don't!
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the_infernal_optimist said on Oct 25, 2007....
That's scary about the carpet people, but hilarious about the cleaner guy! I can totally see you backing up and saying, "Oh, nasty!" in a really disgusted voice. :-D
If he had bubbled when he burped, that might've been a good sales tactic for places with kids!
~Infernal
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evil_twin said on Oct 25, 2007....
Infernal--The carpet people did freak me out a little. I know they were up to no good. I thought about calling the police, but I wasn't sure what to tell them. But the cleaner guy was just hilarious. Even if he didn't mean to be! -
nursecutie said on Oct 25, 2007....
This was so funny! I'm mad I didn't come out of the kitchen to watch the man drink cleaner........LOL If I had known he would be drinking it and burping bubbles I would have made sure I was there!!
The carpet cleaner people did freak me out a little. I am pretty sure they were criminals too. I just hope they didn't see anything they wanted of ours through the door way........
I do like buying Girl Scout cookies though! But I can't resist little kids selling things. But adults drinking cleaner I can do without! LOL
xxoo natalie xxoo
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evil_twin said on Oct 25, 2007....
cutie--I do love the Girl Scout cookies myself. We can buy those! But l prefer to drink milk with my cookies, instead of cleaner! I wish you had seen the guy too. You would have laughed! -
Zayda said on Oct 25, 2007....
The only "door-to-door" sales that don't bother me are typically kids--Girl Scout Cookies, Boy Scouts Popcorn, and kids selling candy bars or wrapping paper for school fund raisers. (Although, that wrapping paper is usually kind of pricey.)
Now mind you, I don't always buy from the kids doing the fund raisers, but they don't bother me. Well, I do usually always buy Girl Scout cookies and Boy Scout Popcorn, but, truthfully, we rarely get door-to-door Girl Scout cookies or Boy Scout Popcorn sales. I usually either buy them from a co-worker's kid (except this year, I'm buying the popcorn from my own child) or the Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts here will have tables set up in front of one of the local grocery stores. I think they do that much more frequently now than they do go door-to-door because of safety issues.
I would have liked to have seen the guy drink cleaner just for the sheer entertainment value of the zaniness of it. You might want to report the carpet cleaning people to the management of your duplex simply so they know about it and can perhaps warn other people who live there just in case they were casing the joint. -
crybabylu said on Oct 26, 2007....
I'm sitting here laughing my head off, and preacherman is looking at me like I dun went crazy! -
Actorguy said on Oct 26, 2007....
Many years ago, I was in sales. I sold everything from vacuum cleaners to life insurance, and in my day I did a lot of cold calls.....that's sales-speak for door to door. Normally, I wasn't selling a product directly....and I never drank anything I sold!....I was trying to get an interview. That's where I come to your house later and bore you to tears talking about financial planning, or demonstrating my amazing vacuum, or whatever. I was one of the weird few who thought cold-calling was fun!Mind you, that was a kinder, gentler time and I worked in a small town. I sure wouldn't want to do it today in LA. Yikes! -
secretlife said on Oct 26, 2007....
the only door to door here is kids selling things for school or scout fundraisers-and i'm a sucker.in fact, the boyscout around the corner came right back to my deck where i was sitting out after ringing the bell and getting no answer. Then, he reminded me of my order from last year ( a case of popcorn), so of course i had to buy at least a case from him again! smart kids!!!i'm pretty sure i'd have been rolling on the ground if some guy squirted cleaning fluid into his mouth in front of me. now that's really working for a sale! -
silverwhisper said on Oct 26, 2007....
i never get them, but then again, i live in an apartment building.
dude...he drank it? i'm sorry, i'm still stuck on that!
ed -
crybabylu said on Oct 26, 2007....
I Tivo "The View" everyday, and from time to time, they show new
cleaning products.....all of which are consumable. They have natural
ingredients.....Example; They showed where Coca-cola can clean a
toilet bowl.....I stopped drinking Cola, after that. (((Ha!)))
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tizzygirl said on Oct 26, 2007....
That is too funny!!! We hate door to door salesman at our house. I won't open the door for them at all because I feel too vulnerable! Even if they see me I just say "not interested" and ignore them! It was sad once though, we were expecting a friend one day and we had a knock at the door, assuming it was our friend my boyfriend jokingly said "We don't want any of your damn candy bars, go away!" just then I opened the door to a little boy looking really scared holding a box of candy bars. I was so mortified, and the poor little boy couldn't even talk. I ended up buying 5 just because I felt so bad!! -
Mr_Box said on Oct 26, 2007....
Priceless.
He drank fucking cleaner! I'm sorry but you can't pay me enough to do that.
The carpet cleaners are criminals for sure. If you see them again, call the cops. Have them reported. If they won't give you a brochure, that's not legit.
No real business would have only one brochure. Shady people.
I still can't believe he burped up cleaning products...
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minniemouse said on Oct 26, 2007....
Ok, so I usually don't read SC at work...usually I'm too busy...slow day today....I was scanning the posts and thought "oohh....e_t"s gotta new post...this ought to be good!" I busted out laughing at the hiccup part....I stopped the whole office....I couldn't stop laughing with that image in my head....thanks for brightening my day!!!
When I was in college, I lived in a house with 6 other girls (yes, yikes) and we had the door to door religious people come by (hope I don't offend anyone, but I don't like that). Well I got suckered into answering the door, while my room mates were behind me in the living room chanting "We love the devil, the devil is great" over and over.....I think we freaked THEM out and they left, but also left a stack of those little bible things they give out on the front porch....It was so embarrasing!!!
:-P Minnie
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evil_twin said on Oct 26, 2007....
zayda--I'm cool with the kids selling stuff. It's just the adults I don't like. I think I've missed out on the Boy Scout popcorn thing. I've never seen that. Maybe we don't have a lot of Boy Scouts around these parts? :-P If I see those carpet people again, I will report them. I did tell the neighbors, and no one else opened their door except me. Only I didn't mean to open it. Hopefully they won't come back though. I wish I'd remembered the number on the fake brochure though, before they snatched it away.
crybaby--I'm glad you found that funny! And I've heard that bit about using Coke to clean toilets. That's kind of disturbing! I don't drink Coke either.
actorguy--I feel for you having to be a salesman like that. It must have sucked. But it was good preparation for your acting career if you ever got the lead in the Death of a Salesman!
secret--I love the cookies and the candy too. And if the kids wanna eat the product to show me it's safe, that's cool too. But the cleaner? I was rolling with laughter. It was hilarious!
silver--Yes, he drank it. He's obviously crazy! Probably from drinking that stuff all the time!
tizzy--That's funny! The poor kids. I've done that before when people I know are coming over. I tell them I don't want their religious shit so they can go home. But luckily it's never been an actual religious person at the door. It's always been the friend I was expecting. But it would be really funny if it wasn't!
Mr Box--I'm sure you're right about the carpet people. They made me nervous. But hopefully they didn't see anything in our place they liked and won't be back! I will call the cops if I see them again though. And yes, he drank fucking cleaner. I wish you were there. You would have died.
minnie--I'm so glad I could entertain you at work! And you know, I've done that before with the religious nuts. I tell them I worship Satan and they never quite know what to say. But they'll leave me a copy of the Watchtower just in case I change my mind.
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amyispretty said on Oct 28, 2007....
I actually used to do door to door sales, but it felt too sleazy. I wouldn't be surprised if drinking that stuff and the burp were part of the guy's pitch. Possibly people feel bad for him and buy the stuff? People are also much more likely to buy from you if you can make them laugh somehow.
I bought a magazine subscription from a door to door saleswoman, but luckily, I did get my magazines. As my faith in human nature grows less and less, I'm less apt to do something like that again.
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evil_twin said on Oct 30, 2007....
amy--I wonder if you're right about the guys burp being part of the salespitch? That would be funny if it was! It did make me laugh and feel a little sorry for him. But I still didn't buy the stuff.... -
macgyvergg said on Nov 28, 2007....
This story is hilarious. I sell door to door, but i sell the real deal my friends. I sell ADT home security systems. A lot of burglary goes on in these los angeles neighborhoods. Just to let you all know, i have seen those carpet cleaning guys do the little route to pick which house was going to be robbed. I know all the tricks of the trade. Luckily i am with a very reputable company with all documentation, and people do buy home alarm systems out here in los angeles. Its truly a career!!! I do have to admit i would have loved to see this so called spraing of cleaner in the mouth, that just made my night. Thank you for the comedy, you rock. If anyone here lives in los angeles and is looking to protect their home with an ADT alarm system, send me an email Lacy lacyburke@yahoo.com -
evil_twin said on Nov 28, 2007....
lacy--I don't envy you having to sell alarm systems door to door. But I'm imagining that you get a lot of business. We don't own our house or else I might call you up! Glad you enjoyed this blog :-) -
macgyvergg said on Nov 28, 2007....
Oh wow, i had no idea you even lived in los angeles, or the san fernando valley, lol. I may have been the one coming to your door. I cover a lot of area. Well if you or anyone you know are in need of an alarm system, let me know. Thanks for writing back. To be honest i never thought anyone here lived in los angeles, or even read the posts, lol.
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