Two weeks ago or so, I posted that my work permit came in the mail.  That day, my employment counsellor called the first two places on my list that I was interested in working at (pardon my grammar, I'm writing this fast!), both bookstores.  My top pick didn't have an opening, but my second choice asked to see me the next day.

It ended up being an actual interview.  Which, apparently, I aced.  He said he didn't have a position that needed filling but that he was interested enough by my background and experiences to make room for me anyway - he just had to check over his books to figure out the details of what my actual work and hours would be.  In the meantime, he said, there is our annual municipal book fair and he desperately needed help for that, so he would most definitely give me a temp contract for that if I wanted it.  He said he'd call back early the next week to confirm things.

I was in a bit of a tailspin.  This bookstore is one of the oldest and most respected in our city/region.  It's something people here are proud of.  I had been offered a job on my very first try!  But I just wasn't happy about it.  The atmosphere when I was in there, the other employees I met or saw...none of it seemed to be a good fit for me.  It seemed too old, too...heavy of a place.  One day, while I was talking about how upset and unsure I was about this, DH reminded me about the idea of starting my own business (more on this in a little bit).  But I had been really looking forward to doing something kind of brainless.  Or as I put it, you show up, they tell you what to do, you do it, and you go home.  I didn't want to work so hard to go to work!  So I held out hope that maybe something would open up at my first place.  The owner there had asked for my resume, after all; maybe she would be as impressed as the first guy!

But then I spoke with my counsellor again and she said she'd called my first choice to make sure they'd gotten my resume, and the owner seemed to be in a really bad mood.  Or as she put it, "It sounded like she needed a vacation."  In other words, it wasn't as much of an improvement over the first place as I thought it would be.  That was a tough weekend and week for me.  I was feeling really scared of all the changes that would be coming in my life once I started working, and also depressed about my options.  And it didn't help that nobody really understood where I was coming from.  My husband was honest with me: "I've never been in your situation.  For me, it's always been if they would hire me, and I don't completely hate the place... I know it's not like that for you because we don't need your income to put food on the table, and I support you and your decisions completely, but I have to be honest that I really can't understand what you're facing right now."  I appreciate that very much from him, but at the same time, nothing sends me into a panic more than feeling alone.  I cried a couple of nights.  It didn't help that the guy who offered me a job hadn't yet called back (after a week!) and that he had been late to the interview in the first place...

And then one day, I was talking it over yet again while walking DH home from work, and the entrepreneurship idea came up again.  I was tired of feeling depressed and panicked and like I had no options and no control.  What had seemed like too much work two weeks before now seemed exciting and liberating.  Plus, honestly, I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur.  My parents were both self-employed growing up, so I've seen how it works firsthand and it's appealing to my personality and creativity.  I began to realize that I would really enjoy the challenge and the type of work I would do suits me perfectly.  I am (not to brag) quite intelligent, creative, and capable and it means a lot to me to have a job that puts all that to use and really maximizes my abilities or even pushes me to expand them.  So I made another appointment at the employment center, with the counsellor in charge of entrepreneurship.  I knew, and I still know, that whatever else happens about my employment, this is what I'm going to do.  I'm practically meant to do this.  And if it gets off the ground well enough, I can give it all my time and not need/want any other job.

Meantime, a position had opened up in a mall boutique that sells housewares and decorative stuff.  They were looking for some holiday help, with the potential for it to turn into a permanent position after January, and moreover, they were looking for someone to fill a daytime part-time position - exactly what I'm looking for and also very hard for employers to find.  And I thought, perfect!  If I get this job, it will give me the chance to get my own business off the ground, being part time.  And if the business takes off, I can quit after January, and if it doesn't, I can take the permanent position and keep a steady income while my own business builds.  Plus my counsellor said that the employees there were all close to my age, mostly women, and very nice.  And I do like this particular store.  So I took in my resume.

Well...yesterday the first guy called, asking if I could confirm for the book fair.  I told him I'd call back, that I had to check my schedule - so I wouldn't have to decide on the spot, because I really suck at that.  I'm great at making decisions but I need a little time to assemble all my thoughts!  Today I called him back to confirm.  So that's the first weekend of November.  It will be a good work experience, a little extra money, and probably an event that I'll really enjoy.  Plus it will give me the chance to evaluate the work atmosphere there and decide if I want to accept should he offer me a permanent post.  I'll have to cancel a couple of appointments but nothing critical.  He said he'll call back before the event starts to hash out the details.  I just hope he calls on time this time!

Side note: I did finally hook up the answering machine so I won't have to worry about missing calls anymore.  Up 'til now, we weren't getting any calls we couldn't afford to miss!  It was complicated to hook up, too - it's actually plugged in backwards because of the weirdness of the wiring in our apartment.  Works perfectly.  Go figure.

And then not 15 minutes after I hung up with the first guy, the phone rang again.  The lady from the mall boutique called asking if I was still interested in the job and if I could come by later today to fill out the paperwork.

It never rains, but it pours!

So I am taking the job at the boutique, and if the first guy offers me a job after the fair I'll turn him down.  It's nothing personal, I'm sure you're a very nice guy and I'm sure you're very busy and I really do understand!  But I couldn't wait forever and another opportunity came up.  I feel a little guilty about saying no, even though I really didn't want to work there!  But what I'm doing is totally reasonable and at least he was creating a post rather than filling one so I won't have to feel bad that I'm leaving him without enough help or something.

And on top of all this, I had another appointment with my therapist today (we are wrapping up our sessions now) and a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I really need to see an endocrinologist but the hospital is being stodgy about their waiting list ("I'm a type 1 diabetic and I'm worried about my health" "You're on the waiting list.  Go to emergency if there's a problem." *sigh*)

Oh yeah, and I have a business plan to work on ;)

That's the brief rundown.  I had a zillion more things in mind to say but I have to wrap this up and get ready to go fill out some paperwork!