My ex went home for a week, thank God. I'm going to miss him so much, but this is for the best. I really have to move on. He was using my computer the other day and left a page open. I discovered that the whole time we were together he was on a dating website and soliciting other women...very sexual messages. Exchanging email addresses, phone numbers and pics. Yes, please, just keep hitting me with more blows. It doesn't matter that I know I'm way too good for him. I still love him and would want to be with him. How sad is that? I really need to get back into my university stuff, but I feel so tired. Like I'm just not recovered and need a long rest. But there's no time. I keep going back and forth between wishing I had never met him and panicking because I won't be with him anymore. So confused. I need to take steps to regain my power and make myself strong again. But the hurt is just not going away. I feel slightly more numb...but I can't decide if that's a good thing. My week is lined up with things to do to stay busy...but it's not enough. It's these little moments when I'm alone that it all falls apart again. And despite it all and what an absolute shit he's been to me...I would and probably will still always be there for him if he needed me. Why do I always choose people that I will never be enough for? He says I'm the perfect woman, the best girl he's ever met. So why isn't that enough? I know it just comes down to him being the wrong person in the end...but then why do I keep picking them? I guess I need lots of reminders that I have some self-worth issues. If I truly believed how amazing I am, I wouldn't waste my time with anyone that didn't see that and treat me as such. Alright...I'm back to classes in an hour. Going to get my head straight a bit, do some of my reading and get back on track. Tomorrow I will wake up, alone in my bed, and start living my own life again. I wish I was a bit more happy about that. x