Ah, the internet. What a wonderful medium. Over the years, I’ve “met” many people on the internet. I’ve made friends, passing acquaintances. I’ve had long conversations and short. Then something extraordinary happened. I found my life, my love. I found the person I am meant to be through the man I am meant to be with.
In July of 2005 I was down. I was single and sad and burnt out from working myself too much and too hard. I work two jobs, occasionally three, and spent the rest of my time darting from one family drama or emergency to the next. I joined a website looking for company that I didn’t want to find in a bar. Three months later, unbeknownst to me, I met the man who would change my life forever.
When I met him I was angry and just recently jilted by a young man that I wanted to care for more than I actually did. Through this experience I made a very good friend. He was trying to advise me about my recent “relationship,” though I had already dealt with my feelings and was ready to move on. He wasn’t the most sensitive to my situation, but he was the most truthful. I began to see this man around the site more and more. We ran into each other on many blogs and it got to where I began to look for him.
We flirted with each other shamelessly. We also began to exchange personal messages on the site. Conversations took place, a mutual understanding and respect resulted. We became good friends. We discusses our individual dating situations and encouraged each other to keep looking for “the one.” Romance between the two of us wasn’t a concept in the beginning. He called me “Kiddo.” He was forty-nine and I was twenty-five.
In the first few weeks I learned about his job, he made me promise not to laugh. I thought maybe he was a lawyer. I learned about his dog and his home. He learned about my hectic work and family life. Not long after we began talking and our interest in each other grew, I discovered that I had a limited number of personal messages I could send in a day due to the fact that I was an unpaid member. As an early birthday present to himself, or so he said, he bought me a membership to the site for unlimited personal messaging. We could talk as often as we wished. It was one of the nicest, sweetest things anyone has done for me. Knowing he cared enough and liked me enough to spend money to talk to me touched my heart.
Soon we traded personal emails as well so we could correspond in my spare moments while I was at work. It became habit for us to exchange fifteen or more emails each day. Then the news came. He had to take a business trip to Indiana. We would be without contact for nearly a week. I found that I would miss him, though I encouraged him to meet a local woman for drink during his trip. Luckily, that didn’t go anywhere.
On his flight back to California, he had a layover in Denver. We were in the same time zone! The night before he sent me an email asking me to call him. He wanted us to talk in person while the distance between us wasn’t so great. We had been talking daily, totally comfortable with each other in email. Our first phone conversation was not so easy. I was at work when I called him. I remember being nervous, sitting in my little office. He was at a bar in the airport having a Bloody Mary while waiting on his connecting flight. It was a little awkward. His voice wasn’t what I had expected and I found that I was more shy in person while not at all online.
At first I didn’t think our online relationship would being going anywhere, based on our first phone conversation. I wasn’t sure we could bridge the distance to even be friends. But we kept emailing for several days and I decided that I just liked him too much to give up after one phone call. One night, while emailing, I told him that if he ever wanted to talk on the phone again he was welcome to call me anytime. He suggested we not waste any time and called me five minutes later. This conversation was much better. We talked through the night and into the early hours of the morning many times. Luckily I was suffering from insomnia at the time. A thirty minute or one hour conversation was rare. We talked about everything. Our pasts, our daily lives, our dreams and goals. We discovered that we are able to disagree and have different views without arguing or forcing opinions on one another. That can be a very rare quality in any kind of relationship.
For Christmas that year he sent me a queen sized, dual powered electric blanket to keep me warm on the nights the temperature dropped below freezing and I was without heat. The second time he had done something for me that no one else would have thought to do. He was continually surprising me with his thoughtfulness and how he listened to me.
One evening, mid-November, we were talking and I sensed that he had something on his mind. He was a little distracted. I asked him about it and he ended up asking me if I would be interested in meeting in person. He suggested New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas. This was extremely exciting for many reasons. I had begun to care for him very much and I wanted to know this man in person. Also I had never been to Las Vegas but had wanted to go for a long time. He suggested that location because it was nearly mid-way in between our two locations and New Year’s is awesome in Vegas, not to mention romantic. I said Yes and we talked it out and started making plans. He decided that if I’d fly, he’d buy. At first I didn’t want to agree to that. I didn’t want him to end up feeling like I was using him or unwilling to pay my own way. I was determined to buy my own ticket. Until he asked me, “how can I romance you if you won’t let my buy your ticket?” I really hadn’t thought that he was trying to romance me that way. This almost led to a huge misunderstanding. He was interested in my romantically, I reciprocated those feelings but I’ve never been very comfortable and knowing when it comes to these situations. So I agreed that he could buy my ticket and pay for the hotel room we would be sharing. He told me he didn’t expect to get lucky but he wanted to sleep next to me. I thought at the time that maybe it was just a line but now I know he meant it. It’s just the kind of man he is.
We started counting the days until we’d meet. It was torture. Luckily we both had our daily lives to keep us busy most of the time. I told my older sister about meeting this wonderful man online and she was happy but cautious. I told my mom about our friendship and she was okay with it. Until I told her I’d be going to Las Vegas to meet him for the first time. Then she flipped out. In fact my whole family did. My mom was worried about my physical and emotional well being. She didn’t want anything to happen to me and we are all aware of the crazies in the world. While she didn’t entirely respect my decision to go she did trust me to not put myself in too dangerous of a position and she knows I have excellent common sense.
My younger sister was very angry with me. I think it had more to do with the fact that I was getting away from our little town to try to find some happiness in my personal life than anything else. My older sister was good until it got closer to my trip. Then she was upset with me as well. My relationship with all of my family members got a little rocky during this period but I was determined. I knew the man I’d been talking with for two months, for hours on end, and I knew I was falling in love with him. I knew that if I didn’t take this chance to meet the one man that had been able to get past a lot of my walls, I would regret it for the rest of my life. Now I know for a fact that it was true.
My best friend was very supportive of me and had greater faith in my judgment of his character and my safety than the rest of my family did. Of course she was able to view the situation fairly objectively while they were too close. A great deal of the time I will defer to my family and what they think. I respect my mom’s opinions and views very much but this was one time that I stood firm. I could not, would not let them influence me on this subject.
Christmas got closer and closer. I love Christmas. It is such a beautiful time of year. I love to give gifts to my friends and family. Christmas eve finally came and I ended up with food poisoning from some tamales I had eaten. Worst Christmas Eve of my life. Luckily I was mostly fine the following evening and was able to enjoy the holiday with my family. I must admit that I was very eager to get home to talk with him. I wished we could have spent the day together. By this time I knew that I had completely falling in love with him. I remember he was in my thoughts constantly. The moment I knew I had been thinking about one of our silly phone conversations and laughed to myself, thinking “God, I love him!“ It literally stopped me cold and I had to sit down. I ran the words over in my mind again. I said them out loud. I knew it was true. And now is the time to start panicking. Was the heck was I doing falling in love with a fifty year old man who lived eight hundred miles away? But it was far too late.
The following week, leading up to New Year’s Eve passed very slowly. Then suddenly it was time to pack. That’s when things got a little hairy. Two days before my flight my car got a flat tire. I had to spend seventy five dollars of my trip money to replace it. I had driven over a nail and it had punctured the tire and then come out again in another area, tearing up the rubber so that it couldn’t be repaired. My sister drove me to the airport, as we were checking my luggage the lady at the desk was having a lot of trouble. She was very new to the job. Finally my bag was checked, then came the news of the plane itself. My flight was cancelled due to engine trouble on the last flight. My heart stopped. I was able to get a seat on a different flight that would have an hour delay in Denver, whereas my original flight had been non-stop. I would be late for my rendezvous .
I had no trouble going through security and had remembered to take a book for the flight so the layover wasn’t too bad. I love to fly so multiple flights and take-offs were okay with me. My flight finally got into Las Vegas in the early evening. Slot machines in the airport. Gotta love Vegas. I was fine all through the flight but when I started walking toward the baggage claim I began to get very nervous. I remember seeing him for the first time. In a polo shirt and cargo shorts. Pretty cute, I thought. He held a flower arrangement with a single rose and some baby’s breath. We were both nervous and kissed each other on the cheek and gave one another a half hug. We started toward the baggage claim for get my bag before heading out into the crazy crowds of Las Vegas on New Year’s Eve. Only one problem. We stood there looking at every bag until all of them had been claimed. Mine was not there. A few others couldn’t find their either. We headed for the lost luggage desk to stand in a very long line. We were chuckling over my luck so far on this trip. It really wasn’t starting out very well. I could tell that he was a bit irritated but I was trying to make the best out of the situation. When we finally got closer to the desk we listened to a man who was very upset about his missing suitcase and he was being very rude and abrasive to the woman behind the counter.
It was my turn next. I went up and told them my problem. She explained that because of the cancelled flight my bags had been loaded onto a later flight and would be landing in Las Vegas in a few hours. She apologized profusely but I told her not to worry, it was hardly her fault and I would just be happy when my bad came in later. I gave a description and we left. He was looking at me a little oddly. When I asked him what was the matter he just said that I was very calm and really nice to the woman considering the trouble I had been going through. I told him that I’ve been working in customer service for years and I know what it’s like to be yelled at, cussed at, and berated for something I can’t fix and wasn’t my fault to begin with. I wasn’t about to put someone else through that.
He led me to the truck and we made our way to the hotel. He had made reservations at the Aladdin Hotel, soon to be Planet Hollywood. We parked and went up to the room. I was ready to freshen up, at least as much as I could since I didn’t have any of my possessions. He had bought a bottle of Dom Peringon Champagne and we tried to figure out how we were going to chill the bottle. Finally we improvised and used one of the trash cans in the room as an ice bucket.
After I cleaned up a little we decided to walk around the hotel, which is massive. Never having been there before I was amazed at the vaulted ceilings painted blue with light fluffy clouds. There are so many stores and shops, restaurants and bars. So much to see and do. After we walked for a while, holding hands. Holding hands. Incredible. The only time I have held anyone’s hand since I was a small child was with my niece and nephew.
Anyway, we decided to have some dinner. You wouldn’t think that this would be an obstacle but it was for me. He wanted me to choose a restaurant and I am terrible at making those decisions when I’m not already nervous. So after a bit of banter, me trying to get out of making the decision, I just pointed to the nearest restaurant and we went in. It ended up being very fancy. Too fancy, meaning too expensive. I didn’t want him to think that I have expensive tastes or want him to impress me by spending money on me but we were already in there and I decided that I would just split the bill with him so I would feel so bad. The seafood was excellent and the company fantastic.
I was finally relaxing, my nervousness melting away as we talked. When we finished eating he squashed my hopes of going dutch. He insisted on paying the entire check but compromised that I could pay next time. We walked around the shops for while longer and then decided to head up to our room. I wanted to see if the airline had called about my luggage yet and it was getting late. When we got to our room we found that we did have a message. The airline had found two bags and one of them fit my description but it wasn’t my bag. We decided to go and take a look at the luggage.
As we were waiting in line I was trying to peer around the people in front of us to get a look at the two bags behind the desk. I was instantly mortified. As it turned out my bad was blue and not green like I thought. I could feel my face start to burn. Then I just started to laugh. I am such a dork and I suppose it was best that he found out sooner rather than later. I looked at him and burst out laughing. I told him he definitely wasn’t going to believe this. As I told him about my little color discrepancy he started to get a strange look on his face. I was almost afraid he was going to leave me there in the airport. But then he laughed too. I sure am glad that I could make those girls at the desk happy. They were delighted to hear that I didn’t even know what my own bag looked like.
We collected my friends suitcase and headed back to the truck, all the way just laughing over such a silly incident. He said it was good that we had something to break the ice a little bit and make us more comfortable. When we got back to the hotel it was nearly 11:30 pm. The champagne had chilled nicely and I finally had my belongings and could really freshen up. Neither of us were interested in spending the night in the middle of an enormous crowd waiting for midnight so we decided to stay in the room. We turned on the television and watched as the ball dropped. When it was finally midnight we raised our glasses and shared our first kiss. It was so incredible. One of the most beautiful and romantic moments of my life. We were able to see part of the fireworks display from our room and we enjoyed the show while we became more comfortable in each other’s embrace.
The next morning we woke up fairly early and got ready to spend the day sightseeing. I called my mother and let her know everything was fine and we left our room. After stopping for breakfast we found our way out onto the strip and just started walking. We must have walked though each casino all the way to Mandalay Bay. There we went to the Shark Reef area and had an amazing time. We took a lot of pictures and held hands as we walked. We kissed and smiled secret smiles.
We did a large amount of walking and exploring over the next day or two. I had heard so much about the Mirage water show and finally I was able to see it. A few times. I promised my friend, Keren, that I would take some pictures of the display for her so I spent one show snapping pictures and the next just enjoying the beautiful cascades of water. We also bought tickets to go to the top of the Eifel Tower at the Paris hotel. It was cold at the top but had an amazing view of Las Vegas. Our guide to the top even took our picture. We made love and talked and connected on so many levels. I was positive that I loved him. And I was dreading the moment I would have to say goodbye.
On our last evening together he made reservations at an Italian restaurant upstairs. I wanted to dress up for this special evening so I wore a skirt, which I never do. We stopped at the bar outside of the restaurant and had a drink while we talked and waited for our reservation. We were seated at a window with a spectacular view of the Mirage water and light show. Unfortunately, it was raining so the show was cancelled for the evening. We had a wonderful, relaxed dinner. The staff and food were authentic Italian quality. Our waiter was fantastic. He was very nice and helpful with the menu and he also took our picture.
After dinner we decided to spend a little time and money at the black jack tables. Neither of us are much of a gambler so this was the only time we spent in the casino. I had never played black jack before and would have been very nervous except I was buzzed from the bloody Mary’s earlier in the day and the wine from dinner. I do remember that it was fun even though I had no idea what I was doing. I also remember feeling happy and free to kiss and touch him throughout the evening. Now, I am almost embarrassed by my forwardness.
The next morning it was time for us to pack our bags and decide how we would spend our time before my flight. He was going to be seeing his brother and sister-in-law and their son. We just needed to decide if I would be going with him or if he would make his visit after my plane left. When he asked me what I wanted, all I could say was that I wanted to be selfish. I didn’t want to share what little time we had left with anyone. I wanted to memorize his face, the feel of his hand on mine, the way he smiled, laughed, kissed. My heart was already breaking and I knew I had to savor our last hours.
We packed our things and closed up our room. We took our bags to the truck and left the room keys. The two of us walked around the Aladdin hotel for the last time. Drank some coffee and talked about writing books. He told me about an idea he had for a book and we shot ideas back and forth. I did some souvenir shopping for the family back home. Anything to keep my mind off of leaving.
I did not know when or if I would see him again. I told myself before I even left Colorado that I would not cry. I was lying. I was able to wait until we were at the airport and in line for security before the tear threatened to overwhelm me. I did not want to cry in front of him. I don’t like to cry in front of anyone. He asked me if it would better if he left. To this day I still regret telling him yes. We kissed and hugged and he turned and walked away from me. My heart hurt so badly. I truly believed that I would never see him again.
I tried my best to stem the flow of tears through security but went straight to the bathroom and cried my heart out. Once I had regained some control over my emotions I went to find my boarding area. I put several quarters into a slot machine. I called my mom to let her know that I was getting ready to board my plane.
Finally it was time to board the plane. I just kept thinking how crazy I was for getting on that plane when everything I wanted was driving away from the airport. Despite that thought, I did get on the plane. Silent tears ran down my face nearly the entire trip home. I was feeling very numb about everything by the time the plane landed in Denver for the lay over. My next and final flight was on a puddle jumper. It was snowing and windy so there was a lot of turbulence. The woman sitting next to me was terrified and kept grabbing my hand. So I held her hand throughout the ride and distracted myself from my misery by trying to keep her calm. We landed safely in Colorado Springs. I was home.
My mother and sister had come to pick me up from the airport and when I saw them I could tell they knew how sad I was. Instead of support and understanding they gave me anger. Both for going to meet him in the first place and for my heartbreak about coming home. I understood their worry but in my heart I knew that this was no longer home.
