So, I was sitting in the mall, just chillin' and thinking about being a hot fudge sundae. All of a sudden, I felt really cold, then I felt a sharp pain in my right arm. I opened my eyes and looked over to see a little kid scooping soft creamy goodness off my arm and shoveling it into his piggy mouth!

 

"Dammit, you little brat! Get your own damn ice cream!" I yelled and shook my head, once again thinking of myself as a human being. The hole that little prick had dug out of my arm started bleeding profusely, and the spoon he held in his pudgy little fingers dripped with my blood.

 

He opened his mouth wide and started screaming, so I kicked him clean in the stomach to shut him up. I passed out from the effort, and woke up several hours later, dazed and confused, under the blinding lights of the local hospital...

 

And the moral of the story is: Watch your fucking kids!