queenparanoia's tags:
today i finish watching a rerun of sex and the city.
 
i was watching the episode where carrie was chosen to be a model by dolce and gabanna for a runway show. carrie is hesitant at first because she's not a model but a writer. her insecurities were so up. at the runway show she tripped. but she stood up and strut her ass off. i thought the scene was so fucking great!!! 
 
especially when she said that when a real person that falls down, picked herself up and go on...
 
so there i was..
 
sitting in front of the t.v. eating my third slice of meat lovers pizza and second sausage rolls, watching carrie get up and strut the runway...
 
you see this morning i feel so fat and ugly.. once again for a million time...
 
 add to the fact that my mother called me just to make sure i was exercising... (i hate that)
 
and my father on dinner time looking at me again and saying... "ang taba mo na..."
 
translation...
 
"youre getting fat"
 
my brother teasing me again about being fat...
 
and everybody here keeps reminding me that i'm getting fucking fat.
 
FAT!!!!!!!!! FAT!!!!!!!!!!! FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
FUCK!!!!!!!!! FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
well it' true anyway. today i'm on my heaviest weight. i think i'm 160 lbs or more... and i'm only 5'1.
 
i'm 40 lbs overweight...
 
yeah it gets frustrating. especially if i want to wear some certain clothes. but i can't because it either dont look good on me or it doesn't fit me.
 
3/4 of my clothes are left in iloilo. i didnt brought it with me because those clothes won't fit me anymore.
 
it's really frustrating. and depressing. especially if people, especially your parents, tells you that you won't find a boyfriend because youre fucking fat.
 
all i could say to these people. to all the people who thinks i'm fat and ugly and judge me by my looks. who put me down and tells me that i'll fail. to the people who thinks i'm a failure just because i quit school. to the people who thinks i'm fucking ugly. and especially to the fucking guy who once told me he'll date me if only i lose weight...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I LOVE ME...
 
big or small but i love myself. sounds narcissistic but there are times in my life like right now where i'm so fucking tired of all these negative shits around me. i love myself. i dont like being fat but i'm okay with it...  and if guy won't like me because i'm fucking fat. dude it's your lose...
 
so yeah i know that this weight gain is mostly, well actually it's my emotional baggage.
 
whenever i'm angry, sad or depressed i eat. read my addiction about it...
 
and yeah i know that post is like so many months ago and i'm still fucking fat.
 
well this battle is not easy. fighting to lose weight is never easy.
 
 but i'm trying hard. i'm fucking trying so hard. and i know it's not enough.
 
so today i'm starting something to make this effective. to lose weight and still love myself.
 
and like carrie i will stand up and strut in the runway of life.
 
today i told myself im fucking fabulous.
 
not because of what i look like. but more.
 
i'm fabulous because i have a good heart. i'm fabulous because i quit something i don't like and i start to think what i want. i'm fabulous because today i enjoyed my workout(which is dancing). i'm fabulous because i'm a good daughter, good sister and a great friend. and most of all...
 
i'm fucking fabulous because i choose to be me. i dont pretend what i'm not. i do what i want and not because what others want. i'm fabulous being me.
 
so my dear soulcasters when you feel, fat, ugly, bloated, depress etc. today. remember what the queen is chanting today and tell yourself...
 
i'm fucking fabulous...
 
 
keep on blogging!!!
 
 
 
p.s.
 
i got my hair cut today... and i love it... i look so fucking fabulous!!!
 
 
new haircut...



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Comments

  • uniquely-ironic said on Oct 19, 2007....
    oooohhhh, love the hair!!!  Yes, you are fabulous.  It's all about attitude girl!  Just remember that beauty is only skin deep, being mean goes down to the bone.  Your family nagging isn't helping either.
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 19, 2007....
    unique: thanks!!! can't help it with the family though... they think they are helping me.. anyway i hope you feel better!!! =)
  • wombat said on Oct 19, 2007....
    I like the new hair cut, too!  Looks good on you.  And I also like how you can be "down" about something and then bring out the good--always finding the best of things.  You're doing just fine, and good luck on the exercising and losing weight if you want to do it--not for or because of anyone else!
  • boyzmom said on Oct 19, 2007....
    I love the hair! I need a haircut, I just started Weight Watchers so I could loose about 20 lbs and found out I was heavier than I thought and need to loose 40 lbs, now that was depressing! But I don't mind, I feel pretty fabulous and really needed this post to remind me of that! Thanks QP and keep on being fabulous!!
  • Mz_Stood said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Ur not fat big is beautiful. In fact sometimes I wish I had some more meat on my bones! You are fabulous & NE1 who tells u other wise is either dumb, crazy, blind, or stupid!!!
     
    Keep Inspiring!!!
  • catch22 said on Oct 19, 2007....
    You are a dream boat,a wet dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • pickersplock said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Greeeeeeeaaaaaatttttttttttt haircut, Queen!
  • MsBradford07 said on Oct 19, 2007....
    You're fucking fabulous, girl!
  • quietone said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Love the haircut queenie! you are a treasure and good for YOU!  :) 
  • dyingman said on Oct 19, 2007....
    I have the strongest suspicion that our bodies respond to stress (the things that make us sad or angry) by craving something that our bodies think will get us out of our quandary.  Food.

    Evolution is a slow process so our bodies are nearly the same as when our biggest problems were all survival based.  If we were worried about anything hunting for food was something we either had to do anyway or may allow us to focus on the other survival issue because we won't have to eat as much later or because food will feed the brain that has to think it's way out from under whatever threat has us concerned.

    Today food is so plentiful and calories so easy to come by that this formerly useful reaction has produced a problem in its own right.  Stress about weight produces precisely the reflex action that may aggravate the initial cause (assuming you feel the weight is the cause rather than judgmental loved ones and strangers.)

    Now add to that our bodies' abilities to store energy have become quite advanced given the frequent famine conditions that would come and go.  When the berries and nuts were plentiful we were programmed to take full advantage.  Women who are starving (read anorexic) lose their periods and are infertile.  Silly to bring babies into a world where there isn't enough food for the mother to eat. 

    Women who don't maintain a proper energy supply (accumulate fat) will be more easily pushed into infertility and make fewer children.  Women who preserve their energy supplies (fat) will have more children who, in turn will store fat and keep it more easily.

    You and most women are being criticized for having biologically successful female bodies.  You play a game with the deck stacked against you by DNA that favors extra pounds. 

    Two approaches, lose the weight or become so secure in your own skin that you exude an air of indifference to others opinions about ideal body image.  A third approach is be heavy and miserable. It's the most popular option, but probably not the best.

    Whatever you end up with, I hope contentment is a part of your result.

    For the short term, you might explain that women aren't as hung up on weight as men so you've decided to try being a lesbian if everyone keeps giving you  crap about your weight.  (Parents that worry about their children's love lives tend to be easy targets for this torture.)

    *DM
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Your hair looks great, and you ARE fabulous! :) Keep that chin up!

    ~Infernal
  • Artemis223 said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Queenie -
     
    Your hair looks lovely and you are very beautiful.  It doesn't sound narcissistic to say that you like who you are ... that is a good thing!  Do your best not to let other people shoot you down.  You are handling your stresses and challenges best you can - nothing to be ashamed of here!
     
     
  • confuzzledwife said on Oct 19, 2007....

    you do look fucking fabulous!

    I love Sex and the City- and I loved that episode.. we all get down on ourselves.. your family shouldn't be saying those things to you.. that's horrible!!  I think you look awesome..

  • secretlife said on Oct 19, 2007....
    i love your hair queenie!
    and sweetie you ARE fabulous!
  • Jenna said on Oct 19, 2007....

     

    Queenie....you are beautiful!  Your haircut is absolutely gorgeous!!!!!

  • queenparanoia said on Oct 19, 2007....

    wombie: aww thanks dear!!! you really made me smile today!!! =) and yes i'm doing this for me... )

    boyzmom: keep being fabulous!!! and good luck on that!!! =)

    Mz_stood: thanks for that!!! =)

    catch22: ummm thanks =)

    picker: thanks!!!!!

    MsBradford; thanks girl!!!!!!!!!! your fucking fabulous as well!!! =)

    quitone: thank you!!!!!! =)

    dyingman: you are so right. but i think being overweight is an disadvantage for my health. i have health issues that's why i want to lose it. thanks for you comment though it's really helpful... =)

    infernal: thanks dear!!!!!! =)

    artemis!! oh hello!!! how are you? it's been long since you comment on my posts!!! thanks!!! =)

    confuzzledwife: i just saw two episodes this morning!!!! i love the show i learned so much about relationships and women empowerment!!! =)

    secretlife and jenna: thanks dear!!! both of you are my inspiration... so thank you too!!! =)

     

  • PassionTraveler said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Me too Queen. I'm FUCKING FABULOUS! Let's start a club. Fucking Fabulous BBW!

    PT
  • HairSprayGirl said on Oct 19, 2007....
    Queen.. that episode is my all time favorite! I rewind that part when she trips and falls everytime I watch it. The way she gets up and then struts down and even does a cute little sashay! Oh I love her!!!! She is fabulous and she isn't the most beautiful woman as to what the standards are..... and I think you are gorgeous!!!!!!! Who gives a shit what you weigh!! That will come and go and no matter what the scale says you will always be YOU. Fuck the weight. I have always been TOO skinny and all my life people say to me " your so skinny" or " i didnt know you were so small"  It really gets old,and you probably think that sounds ridiculous for that to bug me,but truthfully,it does. It's the way they look at me ands say it as if I have some sort of infection that their gonna get or it's TOO skinny. No one is ever happy...and sometimes I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up and worry about themselves! Because if they don't like how I look then they must be miserable human beings! anyways.... we are fucking fabulous!
  • CreativeWoman said on Oct 19, 2007....
    queen,
    You are fabulous!  I have always thought you were beautiful in the photos you have posted of yourself.  I know exactly how it feels when people you love tell you that you are less than perfect in their eyes.  It hurts. I must say that you have a wonderful attitude. Don't let them get you down.  It's their problem if they don't recognize your beauty.  You are gorgeous!

    CW
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 19, 2007....

    Passiontraveller: oh yeah!!!!!!

    Hairspraygirl: i just watch that scene this morning! and yeha i agree it was so fucking fabolous!!! and yeah fuck all of those people!!!! let's join hands and chant it i'm fucking fabolous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

     

  • queenparanoia said on Oct 19, 2007....
    CW: i just want you to know that youre one of my inspiration and you are fabolous!!!!!
  • Eilan said on Oct 19, 2007....
    You ARE fucking fabulous!
  • husbandhater said on Oct 19, 2007....

    Great Post QP. I'm 20lbs and gaining(due to Depovera shot) over weight(140 instead of the 120-125lbs my 5'5 frame should be. But I'm fucking fabulous. I eat  and it goes to my hips and ass(BIG BUTT) but I'm fucking fabulous too. I've decided that I like food and that took a LOOOONG time. And food is o.k. as long as you are not too much of a gluten to the point that it harms your health.

    But I am going to have to lose at least 10lbs because I feel my legs and feet going numb which only happens when I'm over weight. When I'm within my normal weight range, or close to it this doesn't happen or it is at least rare which is why I went from 160-128 lbs a year and a 1/2 ago. But this is a wonderful post and as long as you love what you see in the mirror other people can go fuck or suck a duck. I love what I see too. You go girl.

  • husbandhater said on Oct 19, 2007....

    Great Post QP. I'm 20lbs and gaining(due to Depovera shot) over weight(140 instead of the 120-125lbs my 5'5 frame should be. But I'm fucking fabulous. I eat  and it goes to my hips and ass(BIG BUTT) but I'm fucking fabulous too. I've decided that I like food and that took a LOOOONG time. And food is o.k. as long as you are not too much of a gluten to the point that it harms your health.

    But I am going to have to lose at least 10lbs because I feel my legs and feet going numb which only happens when I'm over weight. When I'm within my normal weight range, or close to it this doesn't happen or it is at least rare which is why I went from 160-128 lbs a year and a 1/2 ago. But this is a wonderful post and as long as you love what you see in the mirror other people can go fuck or suck a duck. I love what I see too. You go girl.

  • starchini said on Oct 19, 2007....
    You dont look fat at all.  You look sexy.  Im fatter than you are and i have no problems in the man department.  Men dont fucking care, men are so easy.  Anyway i loved this post i too get hassled by my parents about excersize.  I too am overweight and i too love Carrie Bradshaw 8D
  • lfbno7 said on Oct 19, 2007....
    To put things in perspective, I work with some pretty huge people.  One woman appears to be about 400 pounds.  She's married to a handsome thin man who looks like Derek Jeter.  They have a son.  She is what people would call "morbidly obese".  She never shows any sensitivity about herself.  She seems just fine with herself.  She recently got a promotion on the job, from being in the secretarial pool to doing something more technical, and she was just given her own office.  On the other hand, our cheap boss definitely didn't give her a raise too.  I know him.  He wouldn't do that.  He is a skinflint.
  • kruuyai said on Oct 20, 2007....
    Hi queenie!  You are fabulous!  And marvelous, and glorious, and glamorous!   I'm glad to hear that you are accepting yourself.  And I also know that you go back and forth between accepting your weight and wanting to keep yourself healthy (which is a part of loving yourself).  I think it's great that you're not trying to conform to the women's magazines' ideals of what a woman should look like.  No one should try to do that, because it's impossible for most of us to do that and stay healthy... especially if we're big boned.  And I think you're aware that too much extra weight can cause other health problems and slow down your energy. 

    Have you ever tried the blood type diet?  The purpose of the blood type diet is not weight loss... it's long term health... but one of the side effects of the diet, if you're overweight, is that you will lose weight, even if you eat a lot.  I started this diet many years ago when I had the opposite problem.  I had lost too much weight, because I went anorexic over an emotional problem.  I almost didn't have enough energy left to drive a car, so I knew I had to do something, but I couldn't get my stomach to accept food again, so I started with liquid vitamins, and when I got stronger, I started the blood type diet to build my strength.  I was never so healthy before in my life.  I got much stronger and never caught the colds and flus that were going around.  One side effect that I didn't expect was that, although I was eating a lot of food (most people don't realize what a big appetite I have), I couldn't gain weight.  So, I think this diet is the healthiest way to bring your weight to a healthier level.  But you have to know what your blood type is (O, A, B or AB).  The diet gives you a very specific list of the foods that are highly beneficial, neutral or harmful for people with your blood type, and it tells you which foods help you to lose weight (without losing too much), which ones help prevent cancer and heart disease, etc.  The name of the book with the diet is Eat Right 4 Your Type by Dr. Peter D'Adamo.  There is also a lot of information on his web site:  www.dadamo.com

    Sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I want you to be around for a long time (as I'm sure your family does, too).  I love the way you're taking control of your life, queenie.  I think it's great.  It's true that any compulsive behavior is a way of dealing with other stresses or pains in our lives.  A better way to deal with those issues is to tackle them head on.  That can be painful sometimes.  Sometimes, we engage in our compulsive behaviors so much that we forgot what the original problem was.  Surround yourself with loving, supportive people, and keep talking and writing about whatever is bothering you.  I know you're still in a lot of pain over your friend's death, but you've made a lot of progress with that, too.  I just know that you're going to have a wonderful life, and you're going to touch the lives of many other people who will be very glad that they got to meet you.  :)
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 20, 2007....
    eilan; and so are you!!! =)
     
    HH: thank you!!! you are fucking fabolous too!!! i hope you lose that 10 extra pounds... =)
     
    starchini: thank you... =)
     
    lfbn07: that's nice that she's okay with her weight. athough i'm more concern with my health...
     
    kruuyai: hello! the blood type diet sounds interesting... but so sorry the word diet scares me right now. although dont worry i'll check that website out... =) and thank you for your concern. yeah his death was a lot of factor of me gaining the weight. i remembered i was doing pilates  but i stop after he died. i was really depressed and i guess my body showed it too. so thank you for your concern. i'm moving on! and so is my health... =)
  • hotaka said on Oct 20, 2007....

    I am a bit late to jump on the Support Queen P band wagon but I would have been the first if I had had the timing been right.

    First, love the hair and the smile. Anyone who wears a smile looks ten times better than with a frown. Second the hair and choice of lipstick suit you. Third, your "love yourself" attitude makes you not only look better but appear more desirable. Keep it up.

    I once dated a girl who was in your situation. She was Armenian. Her parents told her she was fat. They said she wouldn't get a boyfriend if she didn't lose weight. Well, she got me and we were very happy together for a couple of years. Of course, being aware of her weight depressed her often. And that depression led her to eat chips and icecream while watching TV, after having had a healthy and delicious dinner, which she had cooked. It was easy for her to gain weight like this.

    She couldn't join me up the mountains but she did try hiking and cross country skiing with me. One day she jumped down from a log and something happened to her knee. She was in great pain. We got her back to the car and to a doctor. She had damaged her knee, basically because she was too heavy for her knees to absorb the impact of her weight coming down off the log. A year before she had slipped and hurt her other knee. That was one reason why she avoided high impact forms of exercise.

    She spent the next couple of months waiting to have an operation. During that time her weight increased until she was too ashamed to tell me how much she weighed. After the operation she spent even more time sitting in front of the TV eating sweets and junk food. She felt worse and worse about herself. It was not her weight that disappointed me. It was her constant negativity about herself and her lack of desire to do anything about it. "Either love yourself as you are, or make an effort to change," I said. "I'll love you either way."

    In the end we broke up, for reasons other than her weight issue. But breaking up with me got her thinking more about herself. Six months later I heard she was swimming and cycling and eating better. She losing weight and feeling good about herself again. I was glad for her.

    From that experience I have always felt that if there's something you don't like about yourself you either accept it or try to change it. The worst you can do is let yourself get down about it.

    However you deal with your weight, queen P, it is your attitude about yourself that will matter the most. Being overweight doesn't mean you will go unloved. Keeping your attitude positive and loving yourself is what will win you friends and love. Good luck to you. I am cheering you on as you find your happiness.

  • kruuyai said on Oct 20, 2007....
    hotcakes:  That was a really sweet and inspiring story, and you made a lot of good points.  I think that inner beauty, self confidence, inner peace, and kindness make a person more attractive than anything that they can do to change their physical appearance.  If we look around at who is and who isn't in a healthy, loving relationship, it's easy to see that it has nothing to do with physical appearance and everything to do with the person's sense of him or herself (it goes for men as well as women).

    queenie:  lol... I can certainly understand your aversion to the word "diet."  And I don't blame you.  The only reason I gave you that link was for its health benefits, because you've mentioned in the past that that's important to you.  What's great about the blood type um... thingy... is that whether you lose weight or not, at least all of you will be the healthiest that you can be, because at least your food won't be working against your immune system.  Meanwhile, I have to get a haircut too.  Can you recommend a stylist for me?
  • Just*Sonic said on Oct 20, 2007....
    Good for you!!!!! I'm at uni at the moment, and they gave us all starter packs, and guess what was in the girls' starter pack, along with condoms and beans...? Cellulite cream!!! All the guys got FHM goodies and beans!! But there was a group of girls who were swapping our cellulite cream for little cup cakes which say "Sexism sucks... cake rocks!!" And I'm not the thinnest girl in the world, but there's no way I'm conforming to a skinny stereotype, so I swapped my cream immediately. And I sure as hell enjoyed it, guilt free. So mahoo-sive kudos to you, love yourself the way you are! (and I love that episode of Sex and the City too... Carrie rules!)xxx
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 20, 2007....

    hotaka: i agree with kruu. that was sweet and inspiring story. it's nice ot hear that she changed after that. anyway i still want to climb too. dont worry i'll keep my positive attitude up!!! thanks for the comment hotaka!!! =) by the way thanks for noticing the lipstick!!! =)

    kruu: thank you but i'm still doubtful on diets. i tried a million on them youre right my health is my priority... by the way i recommended that you have your hair short and maybe dye it. youre a good looking blonde! mabe  few highlights will do the the trick!!!

    justsonic! yeah cake rocks!!!!!!!!! =)

  • flytimes said on Oct 20, 2007....
    Very fucking fabulous and nice hair doo too.. I heard brown is the new black and fat is the new thin so go girl;) ps I love your confidence..Thats priceless...
  • kruuyai said on Oct 20, 2007....
    queen:  Oh no.. . i don't look good in short hair.  My face is too long and angular.  I need the long hair to balance it out.  Just a trim, please!  :)
  • rupert7 said on Oct 20, 2007....
    Hope this old codger is not out of line in saying that you one hot chick! I don't like scrawny girls. I like a woman who has some meat on her! ( meant in the nicest way) You are a real Doll. Beautiful, and don't you believe anything less of yourself!
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 20, 2007....

    flytimes: thanks!!! =)

    kruu: oh please post a pic if iever you have your haircut!!! =)

    rupert7: thank you!!! =) nice seeing you by the way it's been a long time since youve been commenting on me rupert!!! =)

  • rupert7 said on Oct 20, 2007....
    sorry,sorry! I consider myself slapped! LOL
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 21, 2007....
    rupert7: hehehe =)
  • hotaka said on Oct 21, 2007....
    kruu and queenP, thanks for your kinds words. I offer you both an affectionate kiss on the check. But nothing to make gingersoul jealous. ;)
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 21, 2007....
    hotaka: {{{me blushing}}}} =)
  • KittyCatz said on Oct 21, 2007....
    Hi there...
     
    Kudos to you for your great spirit and attitude gal!!
     
    I understand so well coz I too have been so obsessed and paranoid about my weight that it has affected me so much since I was very young..(you can read my article called Journey of the Fat Gurl on my blog)
     
    I just turned 29 three weeks ago and I started to realize that I have deprived myself from doing so many things in life that I want to because I feel that I am not worthy enough..because I'm fat (I'm an Asian at only 5ft 4inches and 20 pounds overweight).and it is worse that I am surrounded by beautiful friends who are "FAT" less...I even allowed myself to go through unhealthy relationships just so that I would not be alone...
     
    Now I realize that yes, I am fuckin fabulous too..and I am so going to support you!! I am slowly starting to learn to accept and love myself fully so that I am able to lead a more meaningful life..
     
    Thank God for a woman like you...and for the people ,especially the men who have hurt and condemned us because of the extra weight that we carry..to hell with them..
     
    p/s : I LOVe food too and I read your article on Addict..am one too :)
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 21, 2007....
    kittycatz: thank you for that comment. i know this may be one of the series of step i'm doing to lose weight for myself and not for others sake. it's hard but i'm keep going on... =) and thank you for the kind words. i'll read your post!! =)
  • dazed_and_confused said on Oct 21, 2007....
    ang hirap ng walang net sa apartment :( Nawawala sa circulation! LOL. Love the haircut queenie! :) And as everyone told you for the millionth time, your are fucking fabulous LOL.

    Cheers
  • ellamae14 said on Oct 21, 2007....
    Queen: I like your haircut. And yes, of course you're fabulous girl. :-)
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 22, 2007....
    dazed and ellame: my pinay soulcasters!!!! you guys are fucking fabulous too!!! =)
  • simplyklo said on Oct 22, 2007....
    Queen - not only does your haircut look great, but come on - I didn't see a "fat" person in that photo - I saw a beautiful woman!
  • destinydiva said on Oct 22, 2007....
    queenie you look amazing! I love your haircut!!
    And you know what else I really love about you..you are fucking fabulous!!  :-)
    your attitude to life is amazing, hope it rubs off on me like your positive posts did :-)
    xx
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 22, 2007....

    simplyklo: thanks!! =)

    destinydiva: well youre fucking fabulous too!!! =)

  • Fallyn said on Oct 26, 2007....
    your so adorable!

    this is one thing i've learned.

    there are MANY decent guys that don't give a rats ass about weight.
    i'm bigger than you. a lot bigger.
    and my size hasn't mattered.
    once i got my head straight around that.....it did not matter.
    and i'm not talking about guys that are "into" chubby chicks. that's not what i'm talking about.
    that always freaked me out.

    but just...decent guys.....that can find a real womans body attractive. ...cause they ARE out there....and it's something i wish i'd known as a young teen. ......teen boys are idealists....and their ideal is TV and playboy. .......guys in their early twenties are starting to get over it.

    i've been asked out more times than i can count. and it feels GOOD.
    i'm seeing someone......not looking for another guy....but it still feels good to have that interest.

    it's very cool.

    um......you're beautiful. and there ARE guys out there that will see it.
    there ARE.

  • queenparanoia said on Oct 27, 2007....
    thanks fallyn... =)
  • lcana_07 said on Nov 03, 2007....
    Wow! I really needed to read that!. I've been going through a rough time lately. since i graduated i haven't been home at all. this summer i had to move because of a new job, this fall I started college. i've been away from my family, all my friends, i'm trying to be this person that everyone thinks i should because everyone at home has such high expectations of me. Well all this stress has caused me to gain 50 pounds since i left high school (only 5 months). I've never been this big in my life. All this weight gain is starting to take a toll on my self esteem. I just started blogging yesterday and someone recommended that i read your blog... and i'm glad i did. that was really inspiring to read right now.  By the way...your hair looks amazing.
  • lcana_07 said on Nov 03, 2007....
    Wow! I really needed to read that!. I've been going through a rough time lately. since i graduated i haven't been home at all. this summer i had to move because of a new job, this fall I started college. i've been away from my family, all my friends, i'm trying to be this person that everyone thinks i should because everyone at home has such high expectations of me. Well all this stress has caused me to gain 50 pounds since i left high school (only 5 months). I've never been this big in my life. All this weight gain is starting to take a toll on my self esteem. I just started blogging yesterday and someone recommended that i read your blog... and i'm glad i did. that was really inspiring to read right now.  By the way...your hair looks amazing.
  • queenparanoia said on Nov 03, 2007....
    thanks icana... so sorry i dont feel like that everday though... but i appreciate it... =)
  • Amirah said on Nov 07, 2007....

    Every guy I know, save one, tells me he likes a woman with something to hold on to, and that "bones hurt." 

    The one that doesn't say that is in a mid life crisis, and keeps dating women at least 15-20 years his junior.  He has told me (but purposely not told those women he dates) that he's using them to boost his own ego.  He admits he's after the trophy-woman.  In fact, I see that the women he chooses look very much like his first love from back in the day.  I told him he's opperating under the old rules, needs to get into the 21st century, and realize that a real woman is what he wants so he can feel like a real man.  Any man living today that does not realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder is a fool.

    There are PLENTY of men out there who prefer curves to skin stretched over bones.  They aren't that hard to find either.  So, Ms. Fucking Fabulous, dump  the baggage of that guy who says he'll date you if you lose weight (that's HIS baggage, not yours) and go find a fucking-fabulous REAL man.

  • Fallyn said on Nov 07, 2007....
    well said amirah.
  • queenparanoia said on Nov 07, 2007....
    Amirah: thank you for that!!! youre right!! i should date a guy who's fucking fabulous!!! thank you for that!!! =)
  • Amirah said on Nov 07, 2007....
    My pleasure!!  You go, girls!!
  • Amirah said on Nov 07, 2007....

    One more thing..... watch this cool video.  You'll see and feel it inside. 

    "Because a whole lotta woman needs a whole lot more!"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdbBSnRxOmE

    It's my new favorite song.  LOL

  • queenparanoia said on Nov 07, 2007....
    ohmygod i love that song!!!!!!!!! i love mikah!!!!!!!! thanks for sharing it with us!!! =)
  • Fallyn said on Nov 07, 2007....
    do you understand now that you ARE beautiful AND fabulous?
  • queenparanoia said on Nov 07, 2007....
    yes... ;)
  • Fallyn said on Nov 07, 2007....
    GOOD! *grin*

Comment on "i'm fucking fabulous!!!"


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