Happiness is not for me,
I'm not who I want to be,
my heart's in pain
I feel ashamed
of all I do I want to cry
and cry but can't, my eyes are dry.
these pains inside grow everyday,
new ones come and old ones stay.
Sometimes I wish that I was dead,
someone shoot me in the head,
so I can't feel this pain no more,
this shit inside I can't ignore.
I feel like I might explode,
I tell myself "don't give up hope"
sometimes I get to thinkin why,
sometimes I think, why even try?
and then I think of all the kids,
and loved ones that I'm gonna miss
If I go kill myself today,
the love will overcome the pain.
why the hell am I so selfish,
I wonder why I just can't help it,
and so I keep these things inside,
the pain grows larger, while I fight,
to keep my silly kid composure,
then I feel like I'm a poser,
wishing that the pain would leave,
and if it did I'd feel relieved
and lead a normal healthy life,
take away the twisting knife,
revolving slowly in my heart,
If only I knew where to start...