Discussing an unrelated topic elsewhere, I asked silverwhisper not to call me "sir".
I mean, I'm not offended by it even though it does grate a little on my nerves. Probably more in face-to-face conversation than online. It's not offensive like an epithet or anything, and as I get older I realize that people will use that word more and more.
But I'm not any better than anyone else and I don't want to be put on a pedestal, and neither do I like putting others on a pedestal above me.
I used that word while in the military because I was required to do so. Outside of that it was never a habit that I picked up.
Oh, I guess I might use "sir" or "ma'am" if I was in trouble with the law or something.
How about you? Do you call people "sir" or "ma'am"? Were you raised to do so?
TinSoldier posted on Oct 17, 2007
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Comments
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unassuming said on Oct 17, 2007....
I use "sir" and "ma'am" with those that I am not familiar with or have just met.
I find it is easier when talking to someone that knows their stuff, presenters, trainers, law enforcement, specialists in any field, etc., to use the term as the constant use of their name would get on my nerves, and possibly theirs.
If I am asked not to use it, then I try not to, but it still slips in.
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uniquely-ironic said on Oct 17, 2007....
I was raised to use Mr. or sir when addressing anyone older than myself and those in positions of authority regardless of age. I have a hard time NOT using it even when invited to use a more familiar term. (first name) I am also finding that sales clerks, etc will use the term Ma'am or Mrs. for me more now than when I was younger. I think it's just a way of addressing people with respect.I don't consider myself any better than anyone else either, but I do find it refreshing when children use those term of respect. I also find myself behaving when I know that THEY know that I'm older and should know better than to behave foolishly. -
Eilan said on Oct 17, 2007....
I don't use "sir" or "ma'am."
My husband did, when he was working.
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silverwhisper said on Oct 17, 2007....
me personally, i do as unassuming does. i was raised that way...si--nah, never mind. :>
ed -
SeanRenaud said on Oct 17, 2007....
I used the term in the military, it is the correct way to address people you don't know. It irks me though when people older than me call me sir though. For me sir was something you called the "grown ups" and don't get me wrong call me kid and I'll be the first to remind you that I'm 24, own my own bussiness, served in the military and went to Iraq. Still I think of the older people as "adults" and they are Mr. Ms, Mrs, sir and maam. I'm simply Chris, or Sean. -
Trinov said on Oct 17, 2007....
I was raised to use 'sir' when addressing an adult male but not ma'am or madam when addressing a woman. In NYC that could get you into trouble (a parent actually attacked a teacher for calling her Madam because of the connotation). I also used Mr. or Mrs. always when speaking to anyone older than I was..... In Israel people used first names --always on Kibbutz --and usually in the city.... In the first Gulf War an American senior officer berated a lower ranking Israeli officer for letting his soldiers call him by a first name--the Israeli captain explained that he and his soldiers had been through hell together for years and they related as family...Now people call me Geveret (or Mrs) or Doda, (aunt) -since I'm in my sixties--- but many children use my first name and that's how they are raised. (my father was a master seargeant in the US army and his father was a soldier for most of his life in the Czar's Russian army and who knows about great grandpa too, so the 'sir' was part of the mindset) -
TinSoldier said on Oct 17, 2007....
unassuming -- Do you use it for people of the same or younger age as you? I can see it in the senior-subordinate type relationships that you mentioned. I still probably wouldn't use it unless I was in trouble or something.
uniquely-ironic -- See, I wasn't raised that way. I mean, we had formalities in that teachers were "Mrs." or "Mr." and uncles and aunts were always "Uncle Joe" and never just "Joe". In fact, I don't really recall ever using "sir" or "ma'am" before joining the military.
Eilan -- what did your husband do?
silverwhisper -- thank you for posting, sir! And for giving me the idea for this blog.
SeanRenaud -- Yeah, it irks me too when people older call me sir. More than when someone younger does it anyway (which is still irksome, hence this post). I just never called grown ups "sir" or "ma'am" growing up. But yeah, I still see my elders as grown ups more than as peers and I still accord them respect.
Trinov -- Heh, really? A parent attacked a teacher for being called "madam"? Interesting about Israel, I'd like to visit there one day. The American officer that you referred to should have kept his opinion to himself though -- not only do different countries have different cultures but different militaries do as well. He certainly should have realized that.
I understand that it's a term of respect and I'm okay with that. I make my kids call me "Dad" and their mother is called "Mom". They don't generally have to call their aunts and uncles "aunt" or "uncle" though, though I get a little upset when they call their great aunts and great uncles by their first name alone. Grandma and Grandpa are shown respect with their honorific too. -
ninjapirate said on Oct 17, 2007....
I only call people sir when I'm joking around with my military friends. I find sir and ma'am way to formal, when ma'am gets used on me and I'm only 22 I hate it! I feel really old or like they're purposely trying to distance themselves from me, which doesn't make me like them. To me it's not a respect thing, but a way to push that authority thing even more, and I don't like that. Of course I'll address someone whatever they're suppose to be called, I respect that. However, it got on my nerves when I was asked what teacher I was looking for and I said just his last name, I didn't think he was a mr. and professor might have been wrong so I played it safe, and the lady just had to correct me and say "Oh you mean Doctor..." all snooty. Yes I know he earned that title, but I wasn't trying to be rude either. -
TinSoldier said on Oct 17, 2007....
ninjapirate -- I love the nick! I agree that in some ways it can be less of a respect thing and more of a way to push authority. You said that better than I could have! -
JohnyBottom said on Oct 17, 2007....
For men I say 'prick' and for women I say 'bitch'. I find it useful because it keeps the conversation short.
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sweet_cookie01 said on Oct 17, 2007....
yes we do practice using sir and ma'am... specially when at work. -
TinSoldier said on Oct 17, 2007....
sweet_cookie01 -- where do you work? Do you mean you use those terms with other workers or with customers? Or both? -
wombat said on Oct 17, 2007....
I say "Sir" and "Ma'am" at work some of the time. My co-workers look at me like I am crazy. I don't mind being called Ma'am by certain people--but a friend/neighbor called me that and I cracked up. I told him my name again----he said, "I'm sorry. It is just habit from work!" -
PassionTraveler said on Oct 18, 2007....
Use of courtesy titles, such as Sir or Ma'am, are titles of politeness and respect. Today they are so infrequently used, it's a shame. I'm from the southern USA, where such practices are far more common than where I now live in Los Angeles. They call it Southern Hospitality for a reason. I use them with pretty much anyone I don't know, clients, and vendors if I've not yet established any rapport, yet. Mostly I use those greetings with management, with public authority figures and with anyone where the situation seems to call for it.
If someone calls you by a courtesy title, I wouldn't be offended by it. It means they have manners and are showing you respect. It's not just about age, although I will admit that is one criteria that might bother me by it. Instead, I'd let them know it's okay not to be so formal, you give them permission, and revel that there are still some who show respect and courtesy to others.
PT
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Trinov said on Oct 18, 2007....
Hi, the attack on the teacher for calling a parent madam was reported in a NYC newspaper--but years ago and I no longer have all my clippings. But the first person I ever heard calling someone "Ma'am" was a good friend of mine from South Carolina...I believe that I might have been murdered for calling an Aunt or Uncle by their first names! My father's family had come from the mountains of the Caucauses originally and were a 'comula" or extended family or half tribe. The family had a 'court' where problems were tried! and it existed also when I was a child. Respect for elders was considered a basic behavior. In Israel this behavior has broken down in the non-religious communities,exposed to Western television, but I remember being lectured as a young woman on kibbutz for saying something mildly sarcastic about the older members. -
GypsyRoseII said on Oct 18, 2007....
Yes, we were brought up to say "sir" and "maam"...... its just a show of respect.We were also brought up to greet our friends, families or visitors with a handshake and kiss on the cheek... its funny cause i have passed on this custome to my children and when they wake and before they go to bed, we hug and kiss each other on the cheek .... but i find it funny when im trying to do this with my customers that i have known for a while, sometimes i do give em a hug...hahaha -
ninjapirate said on Oct 18, 2007....
Tin: Why thank you! I was a bit grumpy when I wrote my comment and thought maybe I said to much, but I'm glad I brought something worth while. -
muckpar said on Oct 30, 2007....
In my opinion "sir" or "mam" is indicative of mutual respect. -
Fallyn said on Nov 01, 2007....
i really really really really really detest being called ma'am.
it implies that i am old and i hate it.
i rarely use ma'am or sir. .....very rarely.