I once had this friend who I would sit up with at night, on a regular basis.  What we'd do...well to be honest I am not really sure anymore.  It seems to me that we used to look on to all the people among us who slept.  I feel like me and this friend...we never acknowledged the fact that we both lay awake when the rest slept so soundly, but we both knew it...didn't we?  And even if we didn't, sometimes it is your imagination that holds the world together in the end.   Part of me feels like I can't even begin to take in the entirety of what is really going on in my life.  If I knew every detail there is no doubt in my mind that it would all come crashing down upon me, suffocating me...and then again...maybe it already it.

He said I’m going to buy this place and burn it down
I’m going to put it six feet underground
He said I’m going to buy this place and watch it fall
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls
Oh I’m going to buy this place and start a fire
Stand here until I fill all your heart’s desires
Because I’m going to buy this place and see it burn
Do back the things it did to you in return
-Coldplay

Have you ever watched someone's life end?  I don't mean in the physical sense of dying; but their life and everything they know...have you ever watched it happen...ending that is?  What happened?  Why did it happen?

I will sit in the non-smoking section for you, girl.
I'll change all of my world, to be at your side.
And I'll sit at the bar drinking soda pop with you, girl.
I'll change all of my world to go on this ride.
-Lashes

You ever want to change everything about you, while changing nothing important?  I can't fathom being someone else, I mean the core of my being changing, I just can't have that.  But changing everything about who people think I am, I can do that. 

You, reading this right now...do you know anything about me?  I mean do you really...or do you just look on a pretend that what you see is who I really am?  Come on comment, I really want to know.  Tear me apart if that suits your fancy, everyone else is anyway.

Whats the best thing about your day today?

•     I had lunch with my lab group.  It is a seemingly minute thing but I am always too worried about what everyone is going to think of me that I would never go.  I am the silent person who works in the lab at weird hours of the night.  I have worked here for a year and people still don't know who I am or what I am about.  So I went to lunch with them.  I sat quietly and left quietly, but I went.  They actually gave a damn that I was there and what is going on in my life.  Something I am really needing right now...someone to care.

Remember that one time...when we...did that thing...we did...and we loved it.