• secretlife said on Oct 15, 2007....

  no matter what happened between your brother and your mom, he will always be your brother.
  if it were me, i'd talk about him, talk to him, and continue to try to convince him to make it up with your mother.
   
   

• secretlife said on Oct 15, 2007....

  no matter what happened between your brother and your mom, he will always be your brother.
  if it were me, i'd talk about him, talk to him, and continue to try to convince him to make it up with your mother.
   
   

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 15, 2007....

  We have herds of elephants in my family.  It's like walking through a mine field to figure out what you CAN talk about without setting someone off.  I always took the view that I'm entitled to enjoy all the members of my family that I want to, and if another family member didn't like it, tough.  But then, I don't talk to my family often anymore because it is a lot of work.

• silverwhisper said on Oct 15, 2007....

  next time they start on you, tell them they're just displacing their anxiety and filling the void left by his absence with their misplaced concerns.
  
  your parents have some strange ideas, queen.
  
  ed

• gingersoul said on Oct 15, 2007....

  Queenie....attack the elephant by the ears...they are big and you can have a hold of them  ...elephants are also slow to move around and keep doing the same things, following the same path......so you can corner them easily...

  Girl, you are strong and fiercy.....i told you this many times..yes, i understand perfectly what you are going thru...

  for this reason  i am  telling you.....dont back up now..keep being faithful to yourself and help your brother..because you love him and he needs you even he will never say it.....actually, just because he will never say it....

  {{{hugs}}} 

• mobil said on Oct 15, 2007....

  I just have to shoot elephants Queenie, they're too big to be indoors. Try to help resolve this with your Mom and Brother. Do it in the best way you know how Queenie, give some thought to how you might make this work before you begin.

• quietone said on Oct 15, 2007....

  you can't ignore the elephant in the room, it won't go away, and by the sounds it doesn't know its way out.

• CreativeWoman said on Oct 15, 2007....

  I think the only way to rid yourself of the elephant is to leave a trail of peanuts between your mother and your brother.  Nothing can be solved until they talk.   I do realize that it's easier said than done. 
  
  CW
  

• queenparanoia said on Oct 15, 2007....

  secret; i'm trying to do that. the problem is they are both had so much pride to say sorry...

  uniquely: it's hard isn't it? you want to talk about it. but nobody wants to...

  ed: they are... i guess tat's why i'm paranoid sometimes maybe i get it from them?

  ginger: thanks for that. yes i'll do my best to attack that damn elephant. talk to it and maybe put some sese into it. i just wish tha it would listen to me...

  mobil: how i wish it was that easy... the problem is that they have too much pride...

   

• queenparanoia said on Oct 15, 2007....

  quitone: yeah... nobody wants to talk about it...
   
  CW: i think they have too much pride to talk to each other... although youre right i might leave trails of peanut once in a while

• Yaboyndot said on Oct 15, 2007....

  most families still ignore the elephants, simply just so they can function.  My family has the gay elephant and until my sister and her live-in boyfriend got married is one of the untouchable topics in our family. We survive, what else can I say?

• queenparanoia said on Oct 15, 2007....

  yaboyndot: yeah youre right... i guess you could survive without talking about the elephant.

• sweet_cookie01 said on Oct 16, 2007....

  hmmm... if i were in your position i would continue talking about the elephant in a casual way... anyway i know that even if i dont talk about it they cant ignore the fact and that its also in their minds even if they dont talk about it.

• lfbno7 said on Oct 16, 2007....

  I used to enjoy reading scientology books.  One of their beliefs has a lot to do with this post. They say that once a problem is correctly confronted it will go away.  And it won't go away before then.  I'm not a believer in scientology but I think they had some interesting things to contribute in their books.

• queenparanoia said on Oct 16, 2007....

  sweet: yeah i know it's in there mind i just hate it when they ignore it. thanks for the comment sweet.

  lfbno7:that's ineteresting but can it really go away???

• Suddenrain said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Hi Queen, I like to confront the elephant head on.  If I'm involved, I want my feelings known. And beings he's your brother, that makes you involved, especially if you all have to keep walking around that big old elephant. Dinner should be relaxing and a time for family conversation and your brother is part of the family whether he and your mom are fighting or not. It shouldn't be limitingyou and the rest of your families conversation. What might happen if you and your sister just started talking about him as you would normally? What's she going to do?

• lfbno7 said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Queen, I know the scientology answer seems simplistic.  Hey, by magic, confront any problem at all in the right way and it will go away.  Bury it under the rug and it never will leave.  I think a good place for some problems is under the rug, ignored, so it doesn't upset everybody.  That's cause I don't know the right way to confront it.
  
  The right way, I suppose, would be to say something so truthful, that gets to the heart of the matter, and opens up everyone's heart, and makes everyone understand exactly what happened and why, and to have compassion and understanding for all concerned.
  
  Since we don't know what magic words can do that, maybe it's better to just have an ice cream sandwich and watch tv.
  

• RollingC said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Yep, I know what you're talking about as I got some Elephants in my family.  As a matter of fact, my mother (bless her soul) loved elephants and had them decorating the house in different places. I got plenty of ammo and shot them as often as they would appear but darn critters have a thick skull and they would either bounce off or come back to life so now I just live with them waiting for the right moment to pounce on them again.
  Some family problems just don't seem to go away....at least for too long....and dealing with those problems is not as easy as it seems.  They require time and so much patience it's unreal.  I've accepted some problems as ornaments in my life that just won't go away as it takes two to solve an issue or at least be on the same page.
  At any rate....good luck with your elephants and don't forget to keep communicating with your brother.  Regardless of what may have transpired....he's still your brother and your mom is still your mom but you have the right to talk about him in front of her and anybody else.
  Good luck and God bless....
  Rc
  

• pickersplock said on Oct 16, 2007....

  It all depends on the elephant.

• destinydiva said on Oct 16, 2007....

  I totally know what your talking about queenie, but I love the way you describe it as an elephant!!  :-)
  I agree with pickers on what you do....  it all depends on the elephant!!  :-)
  xx
  

• pickersplock said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Hey, destiny!

• husbandhater said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Depends on the situation or the elphant. Did your brother ditch school and your mom is angry with him too? Family is too important to leave behind. Your parents will get over it. And in time I hope your family heals.

• queenparanoia said on Oct 16, 2007....

  suddenrain she just be quite sometimes or change te subject. ora lot of times she'll say why they fought. dont worry i'll try to talk about the elephant.
   
  lfbno7: yea it's sounds simple yet difficult to do... but i'm planning to face the elephant dont wrry ill update you guys about it... =)
   
  rollingc; thanks for that rollingc. it's hard facing that elephant but someday i'lldo it... =)
   
  pickers: yeah a very stubborn elephant...
   
  destiny: hello! it's just an expression i picked up! glad you like it!!! =)
   
   

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