I broke a mirror in the year 2000....and it has been anything but uneventful in my life since then. But was it bad luck, or was it all good? You decide and let me know what you think.
Back in the day, I was a sales manager for a foods company up here in the
NorthEast. We had the best team ever and we were classified as Division 13... lucky 13, we said...and we were. We had the NY/NJ businesses and Lord knows we shipped some food products! We won awards and went on many "presidents clubs" trips. We visited St. John's, Aculpulco, St. Thomas, St. Croix. We stayed at the beautiful hotels in glamorous New York City...dinner at the Plaza and stayed over at the Waldorf -Astoria, lunch at the Tavern on the Green, the next meeting at the Garden City Hotel on "Lon-Gisland".
Ahhhh, the fun of it!
NorthEast. We had the best team ever and we were classified as Division 13... lucky 13, we said...and we were. We had the NY/NJ businesses and Lord knows we shipped some food products! We won awards and went on many "presidents clubs" trips. We visited St. John's, Aculpulco, St. Thomas, St. Croix. We stayed at the beautiful hotels in glamorous New York City...dinner at the Plaza and stayed over at the Waldorf -Astoria, lunch at the Tavern on the Green, the next meeting at the Garden City Hotel on "Lon-Gisland".
Ahhhh, the fun of it!
Once Mamie baby came along, I worked various part time jobs having fun in many different categories...fashion, teaching, sunday schools. After awhile I found myself facing my 40th birthday, and it was the first time I took a look at where I have been and where I wanted to go in my life. I had just barely recovered from losing my friend to a real life murder and it had rattled my late thirties a bit much. Yes, I was ready for the next decade.
I broke a mirror in the year 2000. I was hanging this art-deco mirror (no laughing please) back then...on the wall behind my couch in the family room. It has a weird shape with jagged edges for a real eclectic design. I was expecting two friends for lunch any minute and my girl was in school. It was heavy; I am small, but mighty. I got one side on the hook but then dropped the whole damn thing as I lost my balance on/off the couch trying to catch it. I caught it with my right thigh but the pointy end slashed my leg right through my jeans. When my friends arrived, they drug me to my doctors office for stitches. We joked about the seven years of bad luck which would certainly be my lot....I never thought about it again.
In 2000, my brother was recovering from losing his true love and married his new girlfriend. It was good because he had two small children to raise but she hated me. She was more than clear in that she was now to be the mother and any care that I had carried for my brothers family, it was now over, thankyouverymuch. They married in the summer of that year. I have two step-brothers...they were in the wedding as were all of "her" people. I was the only one uninvited to be. I did go, of course, he is my only sibling.
As a matter of fact, I was not invited, but I did attend the rehearsal dinner which was a BBQ outside of their new home. The minister who came with his family also, was shocked that my brother had a sister...he asked me if I lived afar. I said yes, I do.
At least seven miles.
For many years, I blamed only her. I eventually saw his complicity. That is when I finally walked. I continue to be close with my nephew and niece but my daughter never really had an aunt or uncle...and since my husband is an only child, there just isn't anyone over on that side. Not for real.
In 2001, we were at the shore when my husband had a heart attack...he was 41 years old then. Thankfully he is fine today so don't worry!
I was unprepared and called our friend Jenna....I cried, "I have
NO F***ing IDEA about anything important....I DON'T KNOW S***...." Jenna smiled and as she got in her car to come to the Jersey shore to be with me, she said "aw, honey you haven't known S*** for years, but we still love ya...I am coming".
NO F***ing IDEA about anything important....I DON'T KNOW S***...." Jenna smiled and as she got in her car to come to the Jersey shore to be with me, she said "aw, honey you haven't known S*** for years, but we still love ya...I am coming".
And so she did. (Note: i would provide an uplink to the blog about this in my blogs but I am a computer moron and even with lessons, could not get it for you...someone will throw their mercy on the court and do it, maybe!)
In 2002, my in-laws who had enjoyed Sunday night supper often with their only son and his family (us) made firm that the dreadful, nasty and bitter things they had said to me at the hospital in New Jersey in 2001, were in fact, fact. They were going to tolerate me but continue to come to our home and spend whatever time they wanted with their son and our daughter, their only grandchild. ( I don't F****g think so). I went through a real grieving process about this and truly, I do understand where they are coming from (now). They are jealous of our many successes, including our marital partnership and cannot, because of narcisistic tendencies, see.
It is a burden that I carried for along time, until I went to Jenna's house one night with them on my list of haters. I forgave them and let that burden BE. It withered in the wind maybe due to my letting it go and not giving it any more energy. The in-laws see their son whenever he goes to visit tthem, maybe twice a year? They send my daughter cards from time to time. But they do not talk to her and they do not visit with her. In a way, she lost a set of grandparents. Sad. Sort of.
In 2003, I was diagnosed with Anal Cancer. I self-diagnosed for four months that I must have had a hemmoroid or such...not very pretty to talk about...but now I do, so that I can save lives and not have other people self-diagnose.
Ugh, what a name for an illness for a girlie girl...couldn't even say it in public for about a year. Now I am an ambassador for fundraising for the research for cures for these ridiculous diseases.
I went back to church, an active community that I had drifted from for about a year. I found out who were real friends and who were not. There were not a lot of people standing in my circle. I met thousands, literally thousands of people in my fundraising events...a core four became real life friends. I spend time with them and boy do we laugh. You will hear more about them soon, just remember this: they are "Great Guys".
In 2005, I was diagnosed with type II diabetes post-chemoptherapy. Joy. I had gone to the doctor because I felt sluggish and had gained a lot of weight rapidly. My clothes didn't fit. I wanted to be back to my typical 125 pounds (I am short). I was (became then) educated in nutrition and exercise on a new level, one that I offer to my whole family now...good for diabetics and heart patients. Good for teens too, they are just not interested:).
I enjoy the physical exercise now that I have time to dedicate to it, it is also good for my head! (as my husband says, its a hectic place in there:))....and I now weigh my college weight. Huh.It's all good, baby!
In 2006 my husband lost his job and we started living on credit cards after our savings was gone. I knew we would ultimately be okay since we have large equity in our home. It is however, time to down size...college is next year and those credit cards, although they love me, and I them....must part ways. I am working on "staging" my home to list, sell and move.
In the meantime, I may have said that there is a new country club community being built near us where we can build one more time (we have done this often) and we actually have a shot at overlooking a golf green across from a terrific club house with an indoor/outdoor pool, indoor basketball, tennis courts...not that I do any of these things, but wouldn't I if I lived there, for crying out loud?
Hubby had a heart event last September and we are the proud owners of three new stents (total now 4) in his gorgeous little heart. My mom went with me and I did not call any of the people who made the nasty at me in prior hospital visits. When he returned home, his parents came over and spent some time with him daily and I cleared the decks and went back to work, fully comfortable that he would be doted on by his parents.. Yes, they made comments about me not letting them in on the hospital stuff. I had let this negativity go, remember. I did not have old rules to play by. I am in charge of me.
In 2007, my husband got a great job at a great company. Yes, it is stressful, he is a big wig, especially in his own mind (teehee, hi honey if you ever read this)! I was able to "retire" and I finally had the time, energy, guts to face all of this crap. It all happened this summer and as you have read, it buried me alive in depression. I felt very alone. Many of you here at Sc reached out and threw me a rope. I am soooo much better! I am claiming some peace, joy and serenity every day....clarity, peace, serenity:))
The very fabric of my being has been stretched, new and vibrant colors have been spilled upon it. Other colors are gone, maybe even for ever. Breath, has been withheld till the latest moment...only to crash fully into my lungs and expanding them to a far greater capacity that I was dizzy! The tears have come, like rolling thunder, gasping out of me and leaving me so tired.
And puffy.
And puffy.
But then the breeze came, I can finally feel it on my face. It is in my hair, which is new not-chemo-curly-anymore- hair.
And I am dancing.
And those people are still all gone.
And there are new ones in their place.
And I am not sure I like it, but it seems tender and sweet to me. I am receiving now. I am giving still but it is different. It is less. It is more on balance, do you see?
And I am dancing.
And those people are still all gone.
And there are new ones in their place.
And I am not sure I like it, but it seems tender and sweet to me. I am receiving now. I am giving still but it is different. It is less. It is more on balance, do you see?
And so, it is now. We lived, we thrived. We grew and we loved. We have found the "present". I feel different, like kind of banged up (like Secret said recently)...
but I am here.
Was this the seven years of bad luck because of the mirror
or was it all incredibly great luck?
Can I be done now?
Mamie
