• NotSoSinglechick25 said on Oct 13, 2007....

  Miss Kitty ~ I've never seen how you look but I know from your posts that you are beautiful.  You might roll your eyes at that and say "yeah right" but it's true.  I know what you are going thru.  I struggle with my weight too, I watch my mom struggle, and I watched my grandma struggle.  That you've lost 158 lbs is awesome!  Not because of how you look/will look but because as you lose more weight and get closer to what your goal is you will feel better both physically and that will help you feel better emotionally.  It's a domino effect.  But please remember that you are cared for and thought of (I read your posts but haven't been commenting on much, if anything recently) and your true beauty shines through here.

• secretlife said on Oct 14, 2007....

  kitty:  i don't know many people who can say they've lost 158 lbs.
  this is a very very very big success.
  you should be so proud of this....
   
  i'm proud of it just reading it!
   
  it only seems that beautiful people are happy.
  the really happy people are beautiful inside.
   
  i wish i could make you feel beautiful...i wish i could make you believe it.
  but that is something only you can do for you.
  believe it.
  say it to yourself every single day.
  say......i am beautiful.  love yourself with every flaw. and screw anyone who can't see your beauty.....because they're too shallow to see.

• silverwhisper said on Oct 14, 2007....

  1WK, that's truly an impressive achievement, and i wish you were more satisfied with yourself for it!
  
  if you don't mind my asking, are you doing this in accordance with a strategy from your physician, or is this the product of your own research?
  
  ed

• gingersoul said on Oct 14, 2007....

  Kitty.......it took a lot of gut for you to tell the truth...... i admire you just for this..... And for having lost 158 lbs? My gosh, you are a winner already.

  You just need to focus on keep doing it.

  If you did that , you can stil do it again and again until you reach the day you wil look in the mirror and YOU will found yourself beautiful.

  But what you are doing now is suicidal...this is not the way to dieting....this is the way to have a stroke...

  How can you have the energy to go thru the day with this poor diet?

  I suggest you to go to a dietician, a professional help with do wonder combined with your already proved strong will.

  Just call and take an appointment. There are many help you can can reach out .

  And do you want to know a secret? Between you and i? I dare each single woman here at Sc and in RL to look in the mirror and dont find at least ONE flaw  in their appearance.

  Kitty, you know that we women are cursed by a torturing, agonizing self deprecation about our bodies induced by the ridicoulso (male) standards society impose to us since we are baby girls...it takes a lot of strenght no to fall into these fucking traps...i see it in my daughter...she is 12 and beautiful and yet she is already obsessed by look and mirrors...

  Many days i dont like the myslef reflected in the mirror......

  You are not alone. You have only more work to do on your self esteem do get out of the house.

  So take the first step. I am cheering for you . {{hugs}}
  

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 14, 2007....

  I wish I could do this with a doctor/nutritionist. I really do. The thing is I don't have health insurance. There's a sliding-scale clinic near me that I can go to ... it's just embarrasing.

• gingersoul said on Oct 14, 2007....

  Kitty...ok, no money....dont panic....exercising doesn't cost anything...can you find a nice and secure place where you can walk?

  Creative Woman is another blogger here who has struggle in finding her own way to loose weight...maybe she can help you better than me.  

  Can you buy some tape and start working out at home? Dont buy anything extreme....just start with the easy basic one and then add up when you feel it....in this way you can avoid the embarassing gym situations....... 

  Drink  lot of water...it helps enormously by itself....it fills you up and detox your body.

  Can you sign to any of these online diet programs? A friend of mine went on E-diet.com..she lost 10 pounds following their diet ..they have fitness trainers and dietician ready for answering any question...

  I was thinking...you should contact  Mom too..she underwent bypass gastric surgery last month for loosing weight.......maybe she can give you tips about insurance and how you can find a way ...

  Hope i can help you more, Kitty....:-)

• pickersplock said on Oct 14, 2007....

  Mints, water, and soda?
  You have to eat more than that.
  Try 5-6 small meals, with fresh fruits and vegetables, chicken breast, or fish.
  I think it's wonderful that you've lost that much weight, but if you starve yourself, your metabolism will change and you'll actually make more fat  when you do eat.  Ginger's right, try exersise, even if you just lifting some 3 pound weights every day.
  Building muscle will help burn fat faster. 
   Then try some walking. 
  Stay healthy, okay? 

• silverwhisper said on Oct 14, 2007....

  ah, i see. if you ask me, that makes your progress all the more impressive!
  
  are you avoiding sugar, 1WK? sugar consumption has been implicated as an obstacle in weight management.
  
  ed

• confuzzledwife said on Oct 14, 2007....

  kitty- don't be so down on yourself- it's easy enough to do.. I've done it a lot myself. The fact that you've lost so much weight is great! Back in 2005, I, too, lost weight.. I got down to a size 8 I couldn't believe it.. I've never been thin in my life.. and, although a size 8 to a lot of people isn't small, to me it was. This past year I gained back what I lost and then some.. I have been feeling awful about it too- I posted a blog not too long ago on finding the motivation to get going again.. still I haven't been able to consistently exercise or eat right.. for one reason or another.. this past week I was ready to get going again.. I had it all planned out, I was going to take my kids to school then come home and exercise.. well, I forgot Monday was a holiday here, so I told myself I'd start Tuesday.. when Tuesday came around my 6 y/o son was sick, by Wednesday 3 of my kids were home sick and I was back and forth to the doctors and didn't have any time for myself to exercise.. and every weekend I feel like crap that, once again, I didn't do it. Now the kids are better, they will be gong to school tomorrow.. and I hope I can find the motivation to get going again.. the only thing I can say to you is try not to get down on yourself.. we all slip up and overeat- and tomorrow's another day. I remember back when I sucessfully lost the weight I was eating 5-6 times a day, and making sure to eat something healthy every 3-4 hours.. even if I wasn't hungry.. this really helped me to avoid those cravings or tendencies to overeat later in the day and it really worked.. good luck to you... and here I go again looking forward to another week :)

• Mamie said on Oct 14, 2007....

  hi Kitty....I just read and reread your story here. I am so sorry for your struggle right now and Lord knows, you are being so damn hard on yourself. I am glad you made the first step by putting this blog out here. Watch while the support rolls in....and listen to it!
   
  Do you enjoy doing computer searches? I bet if you spend some time googling local programs near you, you will find a way to hook up with some support...for free! The thing is that there will always be some reason why you feel not quite ready to start (I get that too, Confuzzled:))
   
  But begin you must. There are many, many systems in your human body that are stressed here. You will feel much better about the whole thing once you make up your mind that you are going to make a change! Use your mind as a tool to turn your ideas around about what path you will take.
   
  You have made good progress so far! You have more work to do and you can do this if you TRY. Binging is not the answer...but you know that. I see that you have some other posts up now and that in itself is good because we really need to talk. Do not wait until the diseases that I have faced catch up to you...start now...I am behind you, rooting you on!!
  Mamie

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 14, 2007....

  ED ... I avoid as much sugar as reasonably possible. I don't expect to avoid ALL sugar as that is unreasonable (kinda like how I'm eating - LOL)
   
  Confuzzledwife ... thank you
   
  Mamie ... you rock!
   
  *~*~*~*
   
  It's so easy to be hard on yourself. It really is. It's easy to fall into the pattern of self-deprecation and so hard to get out of it. I have emotional and self-perception issues I need to really tackle ... I just don't know how to get started .... LOL. There is a nature park near me but it's mostly shaded so it gets icy really quick and stays that way for a while so it's not an option during the winter. The shoulders on the road I live on are perfect for walking since they're so wide. I love yoga .... it's helped me SO much with my weak back muscles. I need to start doing it again.

• silverwhisper said on Oct 14, 2007....

  1WK, can you describe your diet a bit more--if you don't mind?
  
  ed

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 14, 2007....

  mints, soda and coffee ... LOL.
   
  You name the diet, I've probably done it. I hate low calorie diets. I'm always hungry, then I binge.
   
  Anymore I'm either drinking soda or coffee (water at bed time) and just eating mints to get by (unless I'm really depressed - then I eat anything bad for me to try to feel better).
   
  I know I need to eat better but I'm scared of failing again. I'm scared I won't be able to do it. I have a sweet tooth the size of Texas and that doesn't help. At this point - starving myself is the best option. "Can't get fatt(er) if you don't eat" makes perfect sense. Logically I know that line of thinking is completely retarded but emotionally it's just damn awesome.
   
  I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm scared I'll start overeating all the time again. I'm afraid I'll eat everything I'm not supposed to. I'm afraid that I won't be able to control myself because I got bored and/or felt deprived.
   
  As for my current "diet" .... I buy mints from the gas station near my work ... those serve as my lunch. I have soda or coffee near me alot and water on my bedside table for night-time. Once in a while I'll have 18-grain toast for breakfast and mints the rest of the day.

• silverwhisper said on Oct 14, 2007....

  1WK, a starvation diet is extremely stressful for your body. i do understand that you're trying to walk a line here, i get that.
  
  about managing hunger pangs: what about rice cakes or something of that sort? or indeed, plain popcorn or vegetables/fruit? gah, i'm sure you've already tried those and they haven't worked for you.
  
  i'm sorry, 1WK. i want to be able to suggest something helpful.
  
  what about exercise, like walking during your breaks?
  
  ed

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 14, 2007....

  walking during breaks ... we're only allowed to leave during our lunch but I could give it a shot.
   
  fruit/popcorn/rice cakes ... while I loathe rice cakes, I could pick up the Fruit 'n' Walnut salad we offer. It's not too bad. Just pick up a few of those for my breaks or whatever.
   
  ED  - you've helped more than you think you have!

• silverwhisper said on Oct 14, 2007....

  1WK, my bet is that you probably eat pretty quickly, as you aren't eating very much. but when you aren't working, consider perhaps a walk after lunch?
  
  ed

• Mamie said on Oct 15, 2007....

  this is the cool part:
  NO, YOU ROCK!
  Just begin. It is too overwhelming to take on the whole idea all at once.
  No wonder you are afraid to fail! Just take today...EAT! Then eat again after a couple of hours. You cannot lose weight by not eating...in the long run, you mess with your metabolism and it takes your muscle first to feed your energy requirements to live. Perhaps that is why your muscles feel weak to begin with?
   
  The fact is that you CAN begin by working on this one day...tell yourself you will binge tomorrow...then tomorrow..then tomorrow... the important thing being that you are feeding an emotional feeling not a hunger feeling when that happens (OK, I admit I googled this for you!)
   
  Can you go to the diabetes association website and look at some of their menus? They are watching fats, sugars, the whole gamut of nutrition, so that you don't have to figure it out yourself.
  No more mints for lunch, Lady! Good luck, with just today, you are "the master of every situation!"
  mamie

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 15, 2007....

  ED - excellent idea.

  MAMIE - wanna walk with me? (you too, ed!)

• silverwhisper said on Oct 15, 2007....

  sure! :>
  
  ed

• Mamie said on Oct 15, 2007....

  I already am, my dear one....lets keep on walking...mamie

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 15, 2007....

  Awesome. So much more fun when one has others to walk & talk with.

• Mamie said on Oct 15, 2007....

  so spill it, soul sister, how did today go?

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Yesterday went rather well. Had toast and an orange for breakfast - wasn't very hungry. Lunch - I did order from McDonalds but I got the grilled chicken sammich. Lunch I had fruit and a turkey sammich.

• Mamie said on Oct 21, 2007....

  nice job! I hope the past couple of days have been as successful...but they won't all be at the beginning, ya know? So, when it doesn't go right ...just remember that tomorrow is another day!! best of luck!!

• silverwhisper said on Oct 22, 2007....

  1WK, i hope you've been doing OK. :>
  
  ed

• one_wired_kitty said on Oct 22, 2007....

  Silver ... been doing okay. Not stellar but okay is a good start. We spent Saturday & Sunday with my husbands sister & brother-in-law .. but I posted about that.

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