I can't help but feel as though it will never matter what I do, it will never be good enough for Kellyn.  I fight for the love that I want so badly from her and I am beginning to feel as though it will never be there.

 

I am either too clingly when I want to cuddle, kiss, be affectionate and she gets mad, pulls away and tells me to leave her alone.  But when I roll over, get distant, leave her alone I am too depressed for her and am unfair because I bring her mood down.

 

If I pay for stuff when we go out I am implying that she cannot take care of herself and that she in some way NEEDS me, which she can't deal with.  But if we don't go out because she has no money she feels as though we don't ever do anything fun.

 

I am expected to ask her about her day and I really am interested and excited for all the things in her life.  I listen attentivly and she brags, gloats, and joyfully expells all her happenings.  When I want to talk about my day or what I am doing in my lab she walks away, says she has homework or something else to do and it is time to leave her alone.

 

I wonder if she even realizes how huge my lab work is.

 

I desperatly need her to care about what I am doing in my life.  I am going through this huge transition trying to get into graduate school and I feel like....like she is my dad.  Tells me I have to go, have to do...but is less than supportive about it.

 

At least before we broke up I could feel that she loved me.

Now I feel that she despises me.