• silverwhisper said on Oct 11, 2007....

  originally, as i first understood it, it was all about being embarrassingly emotional. evidently, its meaning has morphed.
  
  the wiki link reads more to me like a description of goth than emo.
  
  ed

• Battycat said on Oct 11, 2007....

  Thanks ed, it sounds a bit like goth to me as well, but she says it isn't. I can't connect through your link at the moment, I'll try again later :-)

• silverwhisper said on Oct 11, 2007....

  yeah, it wasn't loading for me either but i loaded the cached version via google: all i did was google emo and looked at the urbandictionary link. :>
  
  ed

• evil_twin said on Oct 11, 2007....

  I used to know a girl in college who cut herself. And this was before it was 'cool' to do stuff like that. I'd never even heard the term emo until a few years ago and my friends little brother told me about it.
  
  Emo's are overly emotional people who sometimes cut themselves as some sort of physical release of the pain they're carrying inside. It gives them some kind of rush. Or so I've heard. And the scars they get from the cutting are like badges of their turmoil that they wish to express to the world.
  
  I don't get it either....
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• Battycat said on Oct 11, 2007....

  ed - I'll try again, thanks.
   
  e_t - Thanks, that's probably the best explaination I've had! Seriously.
  That kind of fits with how she is, and I can imagine with her friends they all "compete" in a way, to show their turmoil.
  I do think she does have a lot of real  issues that she can't express, it's very difficult, I'm just not close enough in body or spirit to be much help, I don't think she'd talk to me.

• evil_twin said on Oct 11, 2007....

  You would be surprised at how common this disturbing trend is. When my friend's brother was in high school, he said that the majority of people he knew had done the cutting themselves or knew of someone who did. Hopefully it's just a weird phase and your niece will grow out of it before she really hurts herself.
  
  -evil_twin LA 

• silverwhisper said on Oct 11, 2007....

  i've never understood cutting as necessarily part of being emo, but i'm sure e_t is right: he's younger than either of us, battycat! :>
  
  ed

• evil_twin said on Oct 11, 2007....

  I got my information from a teenager, so that's even younger than me! I'd never even heard of it before. I'm sure there are probably people out there who call themselves 'emo' and don't cut. But from what I understood from my teenage source, it's pretty hard to find one who doesn't do it.
  
  I may be younger, but we still didn't have emo's when I was in high school. This was new to me too!
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• secretlife said on Oct 11, 2007....

  'emo' is a term my 17 yr old uses to describe people who are overly emotional.
  the vast majority do not cut.  but more kids do cut than i ever imaged. 
  personally, i think it's a sign of a serious emotional problem. 
  i'd get my kid to a shrink really fast if they were cutting.

• simplyklo said on Oct 11, 2007....

  Thankfully I've never had to deal with it though I had a friend who started doing this in college (I learned years later) ... in her case she needed counseling and medication ... regardless, I wish you the best - it's definitely scarey and I feel for you and your family.

• kelly said on Oct 11, 2007....

  Cutting is symptom of borderline personality disorder, not simply an emo fad. I suppose people can emulate influential peers who have this disorder but given the normal natural aversion to such self-induced pain it should be a very short lived thing for the people who don't actually have the disorder.

• sweet_cookie01 said on Oct 12, 2007....

  i dont get it too... why add physical pain to help release emotional pain?! how could scarring yourself will make you feel better?

• quietone said on Oct 12, 2007....

  oh battycat, I feel bad for your niece.  I hope she will soon get help or leave this "emo" group of people.  This is the first I have heard of "emo" so I have no idea, but all those scars will last her a lifetime, and mabye not just the physical ones either. 

• nytquill17 said on Oct 12, 2007....

  *LONG SPEECH ALERT* :p
  
  Just to be clear - cutting can be a symptom of BPD, but it's not only that.  It can be related to a lot of things.  It can be a disorder in itself.  It's really poorly recognized.  The connection to BPD is that in the current version of the DSM (the psychiatric bible) the only mention of self-injury is in connection to BPD.  The "current" version of the DSM is actually not that current, and the phenomenon of self-injury has become much more well understood since it was written.  Also, a good psychologist/psychiatrist will recognize that the DSM isn't the be-all and end-all that a lot of people think of it as.  After all, it's not that long ago that homosexuality was listed as a certified disorder in the DSM!
  
  People cut or otherwise injure themselves for a lot of reasons.  There are certainly those who will cut because it's cool or because their peers are all doing it.  And there are those who cut because they are genuinely in pain.  Self-injury, when it is genuine, is a sign of intense emotional pain.  Usually the person hasn't learned how to properly express that pain, or they aren't in a situation where it is safe or acceptable to express it in a normal way.  Self-injury helps by either numbing the person to their feelings (the physical sensations cause them to dissociate) or by having the opposite affect of helping the person access feelings physically that they have blocked off mentally.  The resulting wounds can act as silent cries for help when the person herself is afraid to ask, and they can give the person an opportunity to nurture herself through wound care, filling another emotional void.  Many self-injurers have a very specific ritual pre- and post-injury, and the ritual itself serves to calm and comfort them.  Also, when the body is injured, it releases endorphins, the same chemicals that cause a runner's high or that make you feel good after sex.  So it actually does make you feel better.
  
  Self-injury is really shocking and difficult to understand for most people.  We are hard-wired to want to keep our bodies whole, so why would someone want to deliberately injure themselves?  It's a sign of a mind in extreme distress.  One thing that people used to get confused about, though not so much anymore, is that cutting was some sort of botched suicide attempt, or a "test run."  But a person that cuts herself is not trying to die - she's doing whatever it takes to stay alive. 
  
  Insisting or trying to force the person to stop may actually do more harm then good, by taking away their only coping mechanism without taking them out of the situation that's causing the distress.  Also, if a person insists that the cutter stop, the cutter will usually feel misunderstood and vulnerable and will shut down their trust.  The change has to come from within the self-injurer and at their own pace.  And usually that happens not by force of will but because they no longer need to cut to survive - they either get out of the harmful situation or they learn better coping mechanisms, or both.  It's important to avoid knee-jerk reactions of any kind if a cutter "comes out" to you, because they are showing you a great deal of trust and they are putting themselves at risk.  This is an extremely emotionally fragile person who is entrusting a very deep secret.  The best thing to do is to offer them a safe space where they can talk without feeling rejected.  But it's also important to set limits for yourself for the things you can't handle (phrased in "I" sentences: "I can't handle talking to you while you're harming yourself" or "I can't handle hearing a play-by-play of your injuries").
  
  Therapy can be very helpful.  But again, the self-injurer has to want it for themselves.  And not just any old therapist will do; it must be someone who understands self-injury for what it is and who won't freak out or force the self-injurer to stop before they're ready.  Fortunately, there are more and more therapists who understand this phenomenon, but there are also still some very strict and rigid

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 12, 2007....

  I know a cutter who is in her mid 30s.  She has been cutting for as long as I've known her.  At first I was very alarmed.  I then realized that it only happened when she was really stressed out, and my harping on her to stop only made it worse.  She has gotten therapy and is on meds, but still will cut if her life become stressful.  I think all you can do is try to provide alternate ways for them to vent the stress.

• nytquill17 said on Oct 12, 2007....

  I didn't see that it cut my comment...guess it was getting a bit too long.  *blush* Sorry 'bout that. (I have a quasi job interview this morning and I'm a bundle of nerves, so I guess I got chatty!)
  
  I did mention that there are some helpful websites out there and that if you want, PM me and I'll send you a link to one.
  

• Battycat said on Oct 12, 2007....

  Thanks everyone.

  e_t - It does seem really common, there seems to be quite a few kidds at e's school into it.

  ed - Definately wasn't around when we were at school!

  secret - That would be my 1st reaction as well, but then some say not to make too much of it - i'd find that really hard.

  simplyklo - I have a cousin who cuts, but much more seriously, she isn't emo, but it's worrying that E could end up the same way. My cousin has been having therapy for quite a while, it doesn't seem to be helping yet.

  Kelly - Hopefully it isn't a personality disorder, i hope.

  Sweet - I don't understand it either.

  Quiet - I hope so too, it is hard to get your head round, and to know what to do.

  UI - I hope we can find some way for her to cope.

  nytquill17 - Thanks so much for the info, don't blush. I will pm you. Hope your job interview went well.

• briannacarline93 said 4 days ago....

  i think your neice is calling her cutting emo because people at her school have called her that, im in 10th grade & i was diagnosed as a self mutilator, and people at school would see the scars and call me emo, im not emo and its not just a phase, its a disorder that usually comes along with depression, ever since i've been on anti-depressents i've only cut ones, it helped a lot, i am also in counsling hope this helps

Comment on "My Niece"

Currently tagged	cutting emo self harm self-injury self mutilation (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment