Don't crushes kind of become a thing of the past after you pass a particular age? What does it turn into? Is it more of an adult thing to say it is an infatuation? If I were infatuated with someone, what would it be and how would I know? People seem interesting to me at times. Rarely do I meet (or want to meet, in this age of Internet Romance, Myspace Whore Cruising, and Page Lurking. Good thing people on Myspace don't have a way of telling how many times you visit their page and for how long!) a person that I would really like to be around more than my average 'Friend Time Quota'. Very Rarely. Even more rare than that are the times I do anything about it.And there is usually a certain something that makes the situation unlikely, anyhow.

     Generally I believe that love is a chemical addiction. That is why it hurts so bad and for so long when a long relationship ends. That is why you do crazy shit afterward. You are experiencing withdrawal symptoms. But how would you explain being strongly compelled (using the word 'attracted' would be dangerous. 'Attraction' is there, but I am trying to get across a point that the 'attraction' is also more than physical....well, as much as it CAN be considering you're on the Internet!) to a particular person? There are definitely chemicals rushing trhough your body that aren't normally present, but how do they even know that they would be compatible with your infatuation's chemicals? Why do they act so certain, like they fucking know? Who the hell do they think they are? Am I making sense? Your body just seems to know, without having met that person, that it wants to be around them. It's not ALWAYS right, of course...That is how I wound up on the wrong side of the law in Guatemala with a sheep and a radish. I'll explain that one in a different blog.

     Basically, I am 26, almost 27, and I am finding this 20 year old girl mighty attractive. That bothers me. I don't like younger girls. No offense to some of you younger women out there, but there is a certain something that I find very unnattractive in young women. They don't know what they want in life, anyhow (usually), so it's difficult to try to have a relationship. I odn't know, I could go on forever about all the reasons I don't like the idea. But there is just SOMETHING about this woman. Oh, mind you, she JUST turned twenty last month, or so. She is something special. It's just a bummer that I can't/won't do anything about it. Oh well, plenty of fish in the sea, and all that bullshit. Unfortunately, Salt Lake City, Utah just doesn't have much in the ways of fish. Dating here is like trying to touch the back of your eyeball by sticking your hand up your ass. Don't ask how I know that. I'm quite frustrated with all of this. I have been single for going on a year and have had.....1 and 1/2 dates, or so? It's crazy here. I mean, I'm not unattractive (or so my mom says! Ha!), and I like to think I am not quite as annoying as my blogs make me sound. It is just a different sort of place here.

     Mary, if you only knew how smitten I have become. Shoot me.