• silverwhisper said on Jul 28, 2006....

  hey, we all need time alone. i wouldn't worry about it. after all, it could be worse: at least you don't work together, which i've seen some couples do. :> you should find a way to communicate that you need a little emotional space. if you don't, it can fester. ed

• Brownian said on Jul 28, 2006....

  I'm with silverwhisper. The need to spend time by yourself (with yourself; for yourself) in no way diminishes your love or appreciation for your husband. Is there perhaps some way you can schedule some private time (or with friends), like a girls' night out or something like that on a weekly basis? Also, try to work in some quality time with just the two of you, so that your time together doesn't consist exclusively of "having supper, playing with the baby, debate over whether the person not putting the baby to bed should have to do the dishes, splitting up of said chores, etc." BTW, I noticed on your last post you mention having self-esteem/confidence/shyness issues. Just throwing it out there, but as someone who is being treated for depression with meds and therapy, I know that such issues can be related to strong feelings of guilt and shame, both of which your post suggests. Great blog; wonderful writing!

• Expendable said on Jul 28, 2006....

  [color=#0066CC]Everyone deserves a break. It's good for you, it's good for your husband, it's good for your kid. But if you want to wallow in guilt, who are we to stop you? Go, wallow.[/color]

• cfamommy said on Jul 28, 2006....

  Thanks, guys. silverwhisper: Yeah, if we worked together, I might have to kill him. I won't let this one fester- that just leads to pus and grossness, and who needs that? Brownian: The quality time thing is so true. Quality instead of quantity might be something he would go for. Good call on the depression/guilt thing, too- I hadn't thought about that. And thanks for the compliment! Expendable: Thanks, but "wallow" makes me think of a hippopotamus (don't they wallow?), and that's not a mental image I think is good for my self-esteem. ;-) And how are you [i]blue?[/i] That is so cool.

• caliqueen said on Jul 28, 2006....

  don't cheat *yourself* out of time with yourself... in relationships, we (the female half of the species) will always sacrifice first, naturally, our own wants... try to hold back just a little and the rewards will be tremendous. remember that you have one child, not two. and please don't take offense to this statement, really just think about it...

• starlightstarbright said on Jul 28, 2006....

  cfamommy, I agree with everyone else. You have no reason to feel guilty about wanting some 'me' time. I know that spending a lot of time with one person much less two people is emotionally draining after a long period of time. You need a girls' night out, and you are certainly entitled to it! I'm moving in with my boyfriend this week and will take advantage of a weekly opportunity to board a train and travel on my own to see my family. Separation is sometimes a good thing, even though your husband loves you dearly! You're one lucky gal!

• JadeLondon said on Jul 28, 2006....

  Don't feel guilty for taking time out for yourself--because trust me, if you didn't get it, you would be very resentful. Trust me when I say that I know. It was very gradual for me--the loss of my freedom. My husband is not a social creature by nature, so he does not understand my desire to be so. Now it is at the point where he acts as if it is a huge imposition to have him watch the children--it is not as if he didn't father them. Yes, if that is cheating--then the consequences be damned. You will be a much better mother and wife when you are home. In fact, I may take my own advice and do some "cheating" myself.

• Expendable said on Jul 28, 2006....

  [color=#0066cc]cfamommy: If you put color=blue inside [ ] at the front and put /color inside [ ] at the end, then everything in the middle will show up as blue! [color=#FF9999] =^_^=[/color]Or you can use web color codes like color=#330099 to make [color=#330099]purple[/color]. Most of the forums I visit use bbcode and better editors so I learned a little. [color=#FF9999]=^_^=[/color] Or blame silver. -Ex [/color]

• Expendable said on Jul 28, 2006....

  [color=#0066CC] Oh! and don't forget to put the closing tag on the end - /color in [ ]. - Ex [/color]

• ellaywest said on Jul 28, 2006....

  Guuuurrrrrllll!!!! AT least you do it. I just sit in the house wishing I was somewhere else. I feel awful but I work all day with folk that I don't particularly connect with, then I come home, that's it. I work right next to a major transportation, Newark Penn in NJ.....ok, I always wanna just walk out of work and jump on a bus or train or shuttle and go anywhere but home. So, don't feel bad, just be glad that you can cheat with yourself and its okay with him. My man wouldn't be so gracious being stuck in the house with our two kids. So I just sit in the house and day dream...sad, but true!

• Susmaryosep said on Jul 29, 2006....

  EllayWest,,,,Things could be worse, like looking after a mother in law, who is 95 years old, [b]totally deaf[/b], and hungry every five minutes, needs assistance to stand and walk to the WC, hates to take baths, sometimes 'does it' on the bed, has the loudest voice when making complaints, and in general, a 24/7 basket case......

• JadeLondon said on Jul 30, 2006....

  Susmaryosep: That sounds like such a harsh existence. Although my situation was not nearly as difficult, I can relate somewhat. My mother had a concussion that was that is caused some permanent damage to her olfactory nerve. She was also diagnosed as being manic depressive (and was on a cocktail of medications). This was a little over ten years ago when I was still a teenager. Although I was balancing the checkbook & mailing the morgage payment(my father was in another state), I still had been sheltered. Made me something of a late bloomer. Anyway--sorry to ramble on. But I know that what you do is a thankless task. My father has taught me to always use a bad experience as an opportunity to build character. So look at it like this: you will be chock full of character by the time everything is said & done. :)

• JadeLondon said on Jul 30, 2006....

  Sorry about the typo above. Should read "concussion so very bad that she suffered...etc" ~Jade

• Susmaryosep said on Jul 30, 2006....

  Thanks JadeL, the other depressive thing is, you imagine the day you turn into a helpless demented toothless old fool, then the character building bit is futile? hahahah

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