I decided to go out to lunch today with a friend at work. He's the type of guy who is very off the wall and outspoken. Pretty much my complete opposite, which makes him fun to be around. Sometimes. Other times he's just obnoxious and embarrassing. While we were driving to the restaurant, we happened to stop at a light next to some poor schmo getting a traffic ticket.
I don't know what the guy did but he was standing outside the car talking to the officer. And he had one of those really long beards, which he decided to braid. A long beard is fine, but braiding it? That just looks stupid to me. And apparently it looked stupid to my friend too. He shouted out the window, "hey, the fashion police needs to give you a ticket for that beard!"
The policeman and the beard guy both looked at us with annoyance and I wanted to disappear. And since I was driving, I was afraid I'd get a ticket for something too. Like being an asshole. Can you get a ticket for that? It wasn't me who said it, but I'm not sure they knew that. They were looking straight at me. Probably because I was the one staring at them with horror, while my friend looked out the other window and pretended he was looking at a street sign.
When the light finally changed, I resisted the urge to speed away urgently because that would get me in trouble for sure. But I punched my friend on the arm really hard and asked him WTF he was doing? He just thought it was really funny and insisted it wasn't a crime to shout something out the window. Maybe not. But since when did he become a member of the fashion police? It's not like he's a fashion palette himself. He was wearing a mustard yellow shirt with a brown tie that said "Thrifty's Drug Store" on it. He got it at a flea market. Who is he to be calling the fashion police on braided beard dude?
But I guess he has an aversion to men who braid their facial hair. Or who sport those lame looking rat tails off the back of their head. I have to agree with him on that one. I had a friend in college who had a braided tail on his head that he'd been growing since he was in Jr. High. We all used to tell him that lame style went out of fashion in the 80's and even then it wasn't cool. But he wouldn't get rid of it. Not until he got drunk and lost a bet, and then another friend of ours chopped it off victoriously. He hung that rat tail from his rear view mirror as a souvenir.
Anyway, we finally got to the restaurant and parked in front was one of those cars with the advertisements plastered all over it. You know how they pay people to wrap their cars with signs? Well this one was a pink Volkswagen and it had Barbie stuff all over it. And the best part was, some guy was getting out of it. So my friend, again unable to resist shouting out the window, asks the guy if his name is Ken. And did he get that car in the divorce? Luckily the guy laughed about it. Sort of. I'm pretty sure he thought my friend was a moron.
But he was on a roll. We were eating at Mexican place and he sidles up to the counter to order. And he asks for a quesadilla. But he says it the wrong way on purpose. He pronounced it dilla like like dill and not dia. He was trying to be funny and make a reference to Napoleon Dynamite. I didn't think the guy got the joke though until the order was called. They announced over the loudspeaker, "order for Napoleon!" Apparently they'd seen the movie and had a sense of humor of their own.
And it reminded me of this one time I was eating at a restaurant and they announced over the loudspeaker that Art Vandalay had a phone call at the front desk. I busted up laughing. Of course, if you've never seen Seinfeld, that wouldn't be funny. But that was the fake name George Costanza used when he was pretending to be a latex salesman. I was dying of laughter that they actually announced that on the loudspeaker because they didn't get the joke. I almost went up to the desk myself and said I was Art Vandalay, just to see what the person on the phone would say.
Anyway, this post has absolutely no purpose I guess. But I'm gonna post it anyway.
-evil_twin LA
evil_twin posted on Oct 02, 2007
| views: 471
Comments
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uniquely-ironic said on Oct 02, 2007....
Next time lock the window buttons and keep his window up! I'm all for funny, but yelling stuff out the window with cops around is pretty stupid. He's lucky the guy with the pink VW didn't punch him. -
tizzygirl said on Oct 02, 2007....
I can see how embarssing that could be...the yelling at the cop...and if the cop had wanted he could have come up with something to site you for so it's probably not a good idea but I would have laughed my ass off. I do have to admit I'm not opposed to the braiding of the beard hair...yes I find it hot on SOME guys, but some just look like derranged genie in the bottle wannabes....the rat tail, I do hate that! A lot of guys did that when I was in grade school....I think my boyfriend was guilty of that at one point in his life! But anywho your friend sounds like a hoot! But I would hate to hang out with him ALL the time, but on select occasions when I need a laugh I would definitely call him up! -
tizzygirl said on Oct 02, 2007....
Unique- I used to do that with a friend of mine when we were like 17, he would constantly hang out my window and yell at people when I was driving....so one day I decided to roll up all the windows and put the window lock on and turn the radio up...since it was so loud I didn't hear it but I definitely smelt it!!! Needless to say I never kept him locked up in my car again, and he thought it was hilarious! -
uniquely-ironic said on Oct 02, 2007....
tizzy - My son's friend thought it would be fun to yell out the window at a kid with a spiked mohawk while I was driving. I pulled over about 6 feet from the mullet head and told him to get out. I have never seen such fear on a teenager's face, I laughed so hard pulling away (with him in the car) that I didn't have the heart to scold him. -
evil_twin said on Oct 02, 2007....
uniquely--I really do need to leave the windows up when he's around! I had no idea he was going to do that though. He's crazy!
tizzy--I figured the cop could write me a ticket for something if he wanted to bad enough. Luckily he must have just assumed I was a harmless idiot. Even if it wasn't even me who shouted at him! But this guy is someone I rarely hang out with outside of work. He always gets me into trouble. The last time we went out together for the night, I ended up almost getting beat up and having to sing karaoke.
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CreativeWoman said on Oct 02, 2007....
One of my best friends is a heckler. She gets it honestly from her mother. There have been times where I was in public with them both and would have preferred to be under the table. Most of the time they are fabulous people, but when they think they are on a roll or tag teaming, they don't understand how uncomfortable they make this little country mouse.
I feel your pain. :-D
CW
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hillbillygirl said on Oct 02, 2007....
Sounds like a entertaining lunch break....lol.You know that guy driving around in the barbie car had to feel like a idiot to begin with....well atleast one would think. I know I would have been thinking the same thing as your friend....might not have come right out and said it to him directly. I am always one to notice goofy people in public and point them out to my friends. We aren't ever rude and say things out loud but we sure get a good laugh. I took my daughter to Chuck E Cheese for her birthday party a few weeks ago and there was some woman walking around with BRIGHT pink highlights in her hair...they matched her shirt perfectly....we all got a good laugh on that one. -
evil_twin said on Oct 02, 2007....
CW--That's a great name for my friend. A heckler! That's exactly what he is. And it is funny sometimes, but I really do get embarrassed to be seen with him. Especially if he's shouting things out the window to a police officer!
hillbillygirl--You're right about the guy in the Barbie car. I'm sure he did feel like a moron driving that around! I hope it wasn't his regular car. I hope he has a Barbie at home who usually drives it. I'm not sure you could pay me enough to drive a pink Barbie Volkswagen!
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silverwhisper said on Oct 02, 2007....
holy cats but i know what you mean about people critical of other people's fashion sense who have no business opening their yaps about it! that's very funny about the quesadilla/quesadiya thing, and i love that they paged art vandelay--that's great!
i can't believe you know someone who still had a rat tail for that long. WTF?!
ed -
evil_twin said on Oct 02, 2007....
silver--I can't believe I actually knew someone with a rat tail for that long either! It was a very joyous occasion when he finally let us cut it off. I have no idea what he was thinking with that one! -
nursecutie said on Oct 02, 2007....
OMG.....This guy sounds soooo annoying! LOL I can see where he'd be funny sometimes but I would just want to crawl away and become invisible if he was shouting at people on the street!
I do hate beards with braids in them though. Ugh! And a hair tail on your head?? That is just wrong! LOL If I was that one guys girlfriend I would have chopped it off in his sleep.........of course he might not have had a girlfriend while he had a tail! LOL!
xxoo natalie xxoo
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minniemouse said on Oct 02, 2007....
I have a friend who says Tortilla like your co-worker said quesadilla...but only she isn't joking!!! I can't get her to say it the right way! It's like she has a speech impediment or something....yet says everything else fine!! Its kinda funny, yet really annoying at the same time!!!! LOL Minnie -
Twylarants said on Oct 02, 2007....
Heckler...perfect word! I never thought of heckler to describe my mother, but, yeah, she was a heckler. A nasty woman who begrudged everyone anything. She would say terrible things about people when we were out together. She wouldn't drive once she got older, (probably why there are still people alive in Jersey) so I would drive her everywhere. But I'd always walk a few feet behind her in case someone heard her and turned around to throw a punch. Blood red's not a good color for me. -
hotaka said on Oct 03, 2007....
Since when does anything you write have no purpose, dude? The Ken joke was funny and funnier because the guy got it. The Napoleon joke was good too. It's cool when people get the jokes. Here in Japan people take everything so seriously. Once at the convenience store they asked me if I wanted my rice ball heated and I said no thanks but could they heat my salad? There was a moment where the clerk seemed unsure about what to do, like it was beyond her programming to comprehend. Then I said I was just joking and she still seemed confused for a moment as if she was unsure about whether she should laugh or not because laughing with a customer is not part of the job programming either. I have to see the same clerk a few times before they get used to me and know when to laugh. -
rmuxagirl said on Oct 03, 2007....
In college we used to harass my friend about his car. It was terrible he had parts of it held on by duct tape, and there was no fabric on the ceiling. It ran fun even though you could barely open the passenger side door and parts feel off. He loved his car and wouldn't get rid of it. He just laughed with us...until one night. We went to watch airplanes take off at the airport. Two cops came by and checked us out apparently 4 college students look like terrorists. Anyway one of the cops walked around the car with a flashlight and asked "So whose hoopy is this." We all died laughing at this even the cop. After that my friend got a new car. -
evil_twin said on Oct 03, 2007....
cutie--You're right about rat tail guy. He didn't have a girlfriend! But believe me, all of us wanted to chop it off in his sleep too. But he was kinda big, so I didn't want it to be me that did it. He would have woken up and killed me no doubt.
minnie--I know someone who says tortilla that way too! It is very annoying...
twyla--You crack me up! I loved the part where you said the fact that your mother didn't drive anymore was the reason people were still alive in New Jersey! It would be pretty embarrassing when the heckler was your own mother. You can't escape!
hotaka--I thought all of his jokes were funny too, except they would have been better had he not been shouting them out the window to police officers! :-P I can tell that you're extremely sarcastic just like I am, and it's always frustrating when people don't get the joke.
rmuxagirl--I've known a few people with crappy cars like that! My friend had this old Audi that was falling apart. I ripped off the sunvisor once trying to bring it down. And he just told me to toss it in the backseat with the other car parts. He was gonna drive it until it had no floor, then he'd pedal it like the Flinstones!
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kruuyai said on Oct 03, 2007....
Hey, Johnny Depp braids his beard when he's doing Captain Jack Sparrow, and he's like, the sexiest guy in the universe! And I like the rat tail thing, too. Tomas, the guy who just lost TT's room at the Ice Man's has normal length curly hair and a dredded rat tail down to his belly button. Very sexy!
Fun post.
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evil_twin said on Oct 03, 2007....
kruu--You bring up a very excellent point about the braided beard. Johnny Depp can pull it off. He's Johnny Depp! He could do just about anything and women would still want him. But let's just say this guy was no Jack Sparrow! -
kruuyai said on Oct 03, 2007....
Point well taken. :) -
queenparanoia said on Oct 03, 2007....
hahaha youre friends is indeed crazy and funny!!! =)
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