• secretlife said on Sep 30, 2007....

  you know, when you write things out like you've done, it takes a TON of courage.
  i love doing that, although i keep my lists to me.  it's one way of seeing your shortcomings.  and seeing them is the first step to making changes.
   
  it's so hard when you have kids to remember yourself. 
  i woke up around 40 asking who am i?  hey, it's better than never asking at all, right?
   
  you've been in relationships your whole life.  i think being on your own will teach you so much about yourself.  i bet you've already learned alot in this past year-
   
  the way i learned to love myself was in little steps.
  i had to force myself to have time apart from my role as mom and wife.
  and i used the time to do silly things like have my hair cut or colored, my nails done, my eyebrows waxed...to walk and exercise.
  i worked up to having an hour a day that i can call my own.
   
  so go get your hair done.  it'll make you feel better.
  and plan little things for you.
  i promise you you will feel different about yourself.
  you will think....i am worthy of this.  and your children will see and learn that it's ok to be selfish sometimes....that it's ok to value yourself.
   
   

• confuzzledwife said on Sep 30, 2007....

  secretlife-
  thank you! you seem so nice :)
   
  Well, just this week I started walking again and I feel SO good about that!  Now that my youngest son is in appropriate schooling, and everything is in place for him (last year was a nightmare with the school!),I am finding that extra time for ME- which hasn't happened in forever!   I am noticing as this year is ending, I'm seeing things head in another direction.. UP! 
   
  In a lot of ways, my life is improving.. I am trying hard to focus on the positives- last year at this time was so very different from now- it's like I was living someone else's life back then!  I was a scared, physically sick woman- not "allowed" time for myself, and just lived on pins and needles-
   
  Now that I've been on my own for the most part for the past 10 months, I am realizing how much I am capable of- sure I have a lot of issues with my *husband*...  still up in the air- but mostly feeling he doesn't mean what he says- it's a very confusing situation... outside of that, I have been making more time for me, which has made a big difference just this past week alone.  I can walk, work out, and get my hair done :)  I love that-  I am working hard on cutting calories as well as taking my vitamins- I want to take care of myself and do things for myself- I deserve them, you're right :)
   
  Thanks again for all the kind words :)

• gingersoul said on Sep 30, 2007....

  Confuz..... i agree with Secret...it takes a lot of gut to come here where you dont know anybody and talk about your less flattering things about you.

  This is a very good first step for clearing the air around you and start baby steps toward a new you.

  Everything can help....losing weight, changing your driving routine, changing store to shop at,  reading something different, trying a new lipstick, smiling more...and dedicating a little more time to yourself...and Soulcast is a great place for this......believe me...its better than a theapist couch....lol..

  I am glad that you said how last year you were different from now..it means you are on the rigth path...

  i hope you can find here a space to think, share and feel less lonely.

  Loneliness is the beast to kill..

  Welcome here..i have subscribed to you because i would like to keep in touch with you...:-)

• confuzzledwife said on Sep 30, 2007....

  thank you Ginger :)
   
  it's so refreshing to find someone nice to talk to- get their ideas, comments, and opinions.  It helps me feel less lonely- and since I've been to therapy a few times, I never felt as good in months of therapy as I have in the one day I'm sitting here spilling my guts to strangers, I have to say today I feel cared about.. first time in a LONG time I felt that way-
   
  I love all the advice I got so far-
   
  I enjoy reading everyone's blogs- very interesting! sometimes I can relate, sometimes I lol- it's nice...
   
  I am trying to stay on the right path- trying to stay positive, all that good stuff
  -
  Thank you again :)
   
  Oh and btw.. In my original post I said I don't have contact with 6 family members- I realized I meant to say 5 lol.. I have one sister I love to death and is there for me :)

• sweet_cookie01 said on Oct 01, 2007....

  welcome to soulcast... i dont think anyone in this world is ugly!
   
  I hope you find soulcast a special place for you the way it is for me... i look up to mothers who have a special child because they require double the patience we give to normal kids... you must be a super mom!!!

• pickersplock said on Oct 01, 2007....

  Welcome to Soulcast.  This is a wonderful place to vent.

• confuzzledwife said on Oct 01, 2007....

  thank you all for the nice welcome :)
  Sweet cookie- thank you for the compliment!

• Actorguy said on Oct 01, 2007....

  The great thing about SC is that nobody here is trying to be nice...they just naturally are nice.  You have happened upon a wonderful group of people here....a family...and its a great place to be.  Welcome to Soulcast, confuzzled. Stick around wontcha.

• confuzzledwife said on Oct 01, 2007....

  I sure will stick around- very welcoming group :)

• gingersoul said on Oct 01, 2007....

  Confuz...its very important to have at least THAT sister by your side....nurture your relationship with her and treat her good...sisters are precious..

  And about you being surprised by how much you have already revealed to us compared to what you ever told to people in real life......dont worry...... its a common reaction everybody has once they writes here...

  Sc is a hotel,somebody will tell you this sooner or later..once you check in is really difficult to check out....

  Have a very happy staying!..:-p.

• Me-Myself&I said on Oct 01, 2007....

  Welcome to the neighborhood! You will find here, if no where else,
  that you can trust folks.
  There are a whole lot of people here who are amazing.
  Everyone bares their souls here. cool huh?!
  I enjoyed your post....it was right-on. brave of you. 
  No peeping around the corner.  ***smile***   see ya

• confuzzledwife said on Oct 01, 2007....

  thanks again for the great welcome :) 
   

• simplyklo said on Oct 01, 2007....

  Welcome to SoulCast. After reading some of the earlier comments, it sounds as if you are doing a little better - getting out to walk and take time for yourself. I have found myself in ruts before, and after my divorce I felt like I didn't have any friends and was alone, alone with my kids with no family nearby. Hang in there though. I have found that in addition to taking time for myself, setting goals has also helped. For instance, you say you're "ugly" well how could you change the way you feel about that? I gained weight after my last break up and that made me feel "ugly" so I've set a goal to work out daily and get back into my old clothes by the end of the year. Also set rewards for yourself whether it be going shopping, splurging on a nice dinner, getting a spa treatment ... anything. Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you and offer you some encouragement!

• lfbno7 said on Oct 01, 2007....

  hi.  i want to be your friend.  you sound nice.

• confuzzledwife said on Oct 02, 2007....

  thanks lfbno7

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