As a single black woman in Atlanta, how many times have you complained of the lack of dating and the rise of disrespect of our women and heard that it is because the ratio of women to men are 5 to 1? In some cases and areas, I’ve been told the numbers are unbelievably higher at 20 to 1 and that men are like children in a candy store.

 

The fact is, after researching this theory, I have concluded it to be a myth or rumor probably made up by some disgruntled sistah who may have actually believed the gap was that broad. It was an exaggeration at best. Still, it is clear to me that the females are faced with a dilemma. It is the dilemma of dating in the 21st Century.

 

As little girls, we read books that told us that we would have a Prince to come and save us from misery. Not until then do we have our happily ever after. But Prince Charmin didn’t sleep with Cinderella’s step sister. Snow White didn’t have to worry about her prince on the ‘down low’ with the Seven Dwarfs. Little girls should be taught the reality of things early on and then maybe we won’t have so many depressed and suicidal females before they’re able to drive.

 

With that said, a report cites the ratio of black men to women as 597 men for every 1,000 women, nearly 2 to 1. But consider unemployment and there are 297 eligible men to every 1,000 black women. This statistic didn’t take in account that there are many homosexual men and men in the prison system. Still it is my opinion that our complaint if any, should be that Atlanta leads the nation in cities with the highest number of children living in poverty.

 

I was told by a male associate of mines that I was too hard on men. You see, he seemed to think that men without jobs or disrespectful men were being raised by bad mothers and that any judgment should fall on them. I beg to differ, and that doesn’t mean I don’t hold women accountable to some degree.  But bad men are not likely to have been raised by bad mothers, as much as they are taught by absent fathers and there’s a difference.

 

The plan, if you believe in the ‘good book’ was that men were supposed to work while the women tend to the home and focus on the children. Now you have the majority of women working forty plus hours a week and trying to be a good mother and it’s hard. Most neglect to do the motherly things and make more mistakes than usual tending to their seeds and the future harvests a bad crop, thus provides another link to an already thriving chain of disruption.

 

You will have some guys who will say, “Hey I’m an exception to the rule.  I have my kids and I’m doing it all by myself”.  Well my hat goes off to that ‘exception’.  But really, should you get commiserated for raising your kids?  Especially in the cases where the women have abandoned them?  So you got your kids because no one else would step up to the plate.  Your baby momma turned out to be a streetwalker and you need to be acknowledged for saving your children’s life?  Congratulations!  I’m sure there are exceptions to the rules, and like all men are not bad, or dead beats, or even disrespectful, to generalize all men would be foolish on my part, and I take pride in being intelligent to some degree.

 

But the fact still remains that many black kids are growing up without daddies around and many women are disappointed, discouraged and disgusted at the way they are treated by the majority of men. There was a time when grandma and grandpa was in the household to throw knowledge on the off-springs and mediate between the spouses, teaching them the tools of a successful marriage like the ones they had in the 20’s and 30’s, for after the Civil War, most slaves were so thrilled to be free and able to care for their families that they valued the right. But now grandma is just an old nagging hag and you don’t want them in your business anyhow cause the children are miserable around them. The extended family seems non-existent and any roots seemed not cut off during the days of slavery, are surely getting destroyed by us now with our ignorant and foolish ways of thinking.

 
The best thing for the average female to do when choosing her mate, is probably to find a man that thinks as close to her as possible.  Someone who loves his mother and sisters and respect them as women first and foremost, then appreciate them for making an impact on his life.  For when he sees his mother as he grows into manhood he learns what it means to be a woman from her. But for goodness sake, don’t tell them all your desires and dreams, don’t reveal to them everything about how you feel or think. That’s one of our biggest problems now, we talk too much. “Honey, we need to talk. I feel this way, I think this way. How do you feel about?” Now it took me over two decades to figure this one out ladies, so it brings me much pleasure to enlighten you. When you reveal so much to the average man, you give him any advantage he needs to take advantage of you. For the longest time, I ran down my list of do’s and don’ts as if I was a drill sergeant or somebody’s mama. I believed at the time that I was doing him a service but I was letting all the no good men know how to take advantage of me. I was telling them all the things to do and say just so that they could con me right out of my panties, and then I got mad afterwards when they changed or showed their true colors.

 

It may be true, with women in Atlanta far out numbering the men, even the eligible bachelors are really attached. Because even though he’s not sporting a wedding band, there’s probably some desperate female trying to claim him and having a different opinion of what ‘single’ actually is.

 
The truth of the matter is everything worth having is worth working for. But anything in a relationship that hurts bad can’t be good.  In the end we conclude that the gut instincts, those subconscious feelings know more about our life and what we’re supposed to be doing then we do, some call it guardian angels or good old fashion spirituality.

 
In the meantime, we could always move to Alaska where there are more eligible bachelors for women to choose from. Or even in Chattahoochee County, Georgia located 136 miles southwest of Atlanta near the Alabama state line. Most women don’t know it but Chattahoochee County is one of the best places to look for men because there are 362 men to every 100 women and blacks make up 30% of the population. Good Luck!

-there is not much worse, in the form of disgrace, to one's own race, than a misguided or uneducated Negro-   V Lyric Parker