Okay, I never wrote in detail about this and since my ex and I have been spending some time together and this topic already came up!!!!!! Well ...
So, I can be very open sexually ... okay, you probably guessed that! But, there's a line ... commitment is commitment, you know? Well, my ex loves to talk about fantasies - sometimes when we're on the phone, sometimes via e-mail, and sometimes when we are having sex ... I too am okay with that, but here's where things get weird.
I told him early on in our relationship that I had been with women ... I never had a girlfriend but yes I was open and experimented ... every guy's dream, huh? (Okay, most at least.) Well, he was okay with that and it never came up ... not for over a year anyway. Then, as our fantasy talk got more intense, he raised the topic of wanting to "watch me lick pussy". Okay ... but, this was at the same time as asking for a faithful, monogamous relationship ... okay, I'm a girl ... I just don't see how these two concepts go hand in hand.
And, what's more ... I know him. The second I fulfill his fantasy that he's been begging for, I'll be accused of "cheating" and being a fucking "lesbian" or something and he'll walk out on me ... AGAIN! How do I know this? Well, I hired a babysitter once, less than a year ago, and bought tickets to see Les Miserables. It was a rare night out for us, and he was taking me to an exquisite dinner before the show. We decided to play it safe and take a cab instead of driving. In the cab I was snuggled beside him, thoroughly enjoying the moment and looking forward to the rest of our evening. He suddenly tensed up though ... I didn't know why ... until we got to the restaurant.
As soon as we got out of the cab, in the middle of the fucking city, he started screaming at me. "I saw you checking out that cab driver! You are a lesbian, aren't you? You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Well, I still am not convinced that our cabbie was even a lesbian ... I honestly did not check anyone except my psychotic date out ... anyway, dinner sucked - I refused to eat and got drunk instead. We skipped the show and took a cab back to his apartment to break up instead ...
So ... that's how fucking crazy he is and now he is asking again for me to "lick pussy" while he watches. Hell, I've tried to tell him that I can't just do that ... there would have to be a strong attraction for one, and I would have to trust the circumstances which is hard to do when he's been so crazy and verbally abusive in the past ... I could easily find a friend, yes, a girlfriend, who would be willing to join us for drinks (with her boyfriend) and make out with me ... women can do that ... but I'd still be afraid he'd later accuse me of either "cheating" or being a "lesbian".
Oh well, maybe I just talked myself through it ... if I find someone who turns me on enough to do that, it will not be for him and I will instead share with the rest of you!!!
