• uniquely-ironic said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Oh CW, I'm so sorry to hear that your oaf of a husband doesn't get that you don't need to hear the horror stories right now!  Is there any way you can have a conversation about how it bothers you, especially right now, so if he could just keep those kind of stories to himself, it would be helpful?
   
  As for "spilling" out tears.  Go for it!!!  You've just been through a really big deal, and I would guess you "compartmentalized" a lot of pain and grief so that you could deal with your surgery and recovery.  Now you're in a position to let some of it out and I think you should.  It's normal AND healthy.

• quietone said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Oh CW, I agree with uniquely, go ahead and cry, let it out - let it all out.  Yes you have been through and are still facing a tramatic experience.  There are millions and milllions of people with diabetes that live normal lives.  Like you said you ARE a survivor.  {{{{hugs}}  you keep up the good work.  I don't think hind sight will help much of anything right now, ya know...woulda, shoulda..we all do that.

• nytquill17 said on Sep 20, 2007....

  I know you are a tough lady, and the sheer amount of crap (for lack of a better word) that you can deal with and keep right on going with your chin up truly amazes me.  But if you are feeling the need to grieve, cry, scream, rant and rave, anything - please do it.  Our emotions are as much a part of being healthy as our bodies.  And I have learned from my own experience that when it comes to diabetes, you can't even separate the two from each other.
  
  Please don't think you're weak because you feel.  It takes one hell of a lot of courage to face your thoughts and feelings - you are STRONG because you feel.  This is not something you need to push through.  I really believe you will be so much better off letting your feelings run their course.  But you'll find your own way, that works for you :)
  
  I have heard my share of scare stories too (my dad used to yell at me about going blind and such every time I had a little spike).  I don't know why people think we need to hear this stuff - as if we don't already know how serious it is?  I mean, WE were the ones in the hospital, right?  We're the ones living with this over our heads, right?  Diabetes makes people do some REALLY weird stuff.
  
  On insulin: I don't know what your doctors have said in your case.  But it's my understanding that they'll try a lot of different drugs and different doses before going to insulin.  Plus no doctor is going to be (or at least they shouldn't be) hard on you or expect a lot of good results while you are still learning the disease, and still recovering from major surgery and infection. 
  
  I know how discouraging it is to try and try and still not "get it right," especially when you're worried about what may be on the line if you don't, but think of it this way - you were probably not in the best of health before you were diagnosed.  But you were alive, walking, breathing, seeing, etc.  Now that you are diagnosed, you may not yet have this thing down pat, but you are certainly in better shape and therefore less danger than you were before you were taking medicine, watching your diet, etc.  Remember you are still in the "baby steps" stage, still getting the hang of the basics.  Not only will it not be like this forever, but you're only gonna go up from here! :D
  

• Alyss said on Sep 20, 2007....

  CW, don't be so hard on yourself. You have been through so much recently. Please give yourself the permission to grieve for what has happened and give yourself some time. {hugs}

• silverwhisper said on Sep 20, 2007....

  CW, i'm very close to wanting to beat the stuffing out of your husband. that, however, will not meaningfully help you--all it will do is make me feel a hair better.
  
  having said that: you already know on one level that you need to give yourself time with this. allow yourself that, b/c that isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. others have made this point, but it seems not to be getting through so i figure i better repeat it.
  
  perhaps if enough of us keep saying it, it'll sink in? :>
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• Mamie said on Sep 20, 2007....

  boy, soul sister, we are having the same kind of day...I am sorry for your struggle and I know exactly what you are talking about because it could be my post too. Maybe, just maybe, we can KNOW that this emotional component is all a part of dealing with this medical category...I will lift you up and you will lift me up, deal?
  Mamie

• CreativeWoman said on Sep 20, 2007....

  UI,
  I did tell my husband this morning that I didn't want to hear those stories anymore.  We'll see if he remembers.  I think regarding the tears, that the reality of it all is sinking in now.  I do feel a little better after having written this.
  
  quietone,
  Thanks for the hugs.  I did have a cry.  I'm a little better now.  I need to be forgiving of myself.  What's done is done.
  
  nytquill,
  Thank you for your thoughtful comment.  I do feel just a little better now.  I had the cry.  My blood sugar went down.  I guess my body needed the release of emotion.  Regarding the insulin, I think you are right and I'm worrying for nothing.  I've only been a few points out of my range.  I need to give myself a break.  It's only been a month since I was diagnosed. 
  
  Alyss,
  Thank you for the hugs.  I can always use them.  I think I am grieving.  It's very strange to feel this way over a toe.  Most people don't understand.
  
  Ed,
  Thank you for the hug.  I promise I will try to let it sink in.  I tend to be a little hard headed sometimes...not always for my own good.  I'm being impatient with myself when I need to pamper myself.
  
  Mamie,
  My dear soul sister, we need some no sugar added cocoa, a big box of tissues and some big fluffy pink pillows on the floor for a long girl talk.  I suspect we share a lot of the same thoughts, feelings and fears.  It's a deal.  Reach for my hand when you need it and I'll do the same.
  
  CW
  

• skald said on Sep 20, 2007....

  You have been though a lot and that is no wonder that you feel the way you do. Your husband should not scare you this way. There are people who have lived in to old age with diabetics. You can not blame your self for anything and how were you to know that you had diabetics. You did not know.
  
  Please try to let your self feel a bit better.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Sep 20, 2007....

  skald,
  Thank you.  I do need to be kinder to myself.
  
  CW
  

• dailyachesandpains said on Sep 20, 2007....

  CW:  The source is obvious...your husband. 
  You have just gone through (and are still going through) something VERY traumatic x's 2.  You lost your toe, that's hard enough as it is!!!!  And, you found out you have diabetes...double whammy!
   
  Allow yourself some time.  Take it day by day.   
   
  Let it all out!
   
  I hope you feel better soon!
  {{{HUGS}}}
  Daily

• sweet_cookie01 said on Sep 21, 2007....

  CW i wish i could come over and just sit beside you... give you a comforting assuring hug...

• botoni said on Sep 21, 2007....

  CW......Being a diabetic as well I can empathize with some of the things that are plaguing you. Reading about diabetes and the treatments is helpful, you ve obviously done that. Attending classes for diabetics will give you great information as well as a peer support group. Those are both beneficial situations. Being diabetic isnt easy but it is not a sentence to die young! Embrace your difference and go from there. You ll find your focus will change in time and you ll once again feel more normal than you feel now.

• MissMimi said on Sep 21, 2007....

  CDub, I really thought I had commented on this... 

  I'm about ready to tell your husband to shut the hell up.  You need his support not his snide comments.  He is truly insensitive.  I hate that for you. 

  This has thrown you for a loop.  It's a lot for anybody to deal with.  You're not sliding backwards.  You just need a little time to regroup.  I wish I lived closer--I'd grab a few of our soul sisters and come rescue you.

  I'm hugging you...  You know where to find me if you need a friendly ear.

   

• simplyklo said on Sep 21, 2007....

  Keep your chin up - I can understand how it's even harder when your husband, the person who is supposed to love and support you doesn't understand that he is freaking you out instead ... I always find that writing helps me get things out and release some of the anxiety ... hopefully writing this blog has helped you a little!
   
  If not, I also find exercise helps ... anything.  For me I tend to need a little Tae Bo at times ... you know, a little kicking and punching (the air of course)!!!
   
  Best wishes!

• queenparanoia said on Sep 23, 2007....

  cw. i hope writing thispost makes you feel better. hangon there cw. i'll pray for you... hugs... =)

• UnknownUser said on Sep 24, 2007....

  Sending hugs your way.  I have to admit when I read the portion of your post about having the fever and sniffles and asking should you have thought about your toe then, the first thing that went through my head was how I never would have thought about it.  Diabetes runs in our family and I'm the next in line for it, and so far, the writing is on the wall.  Take care of yourself, and don't let the horror stories make you depressed.  They used to freak my grandmother out with those stories.  Tell hubby to knock it off.  ;)

• lfbno7 said on Sep 24, 2007....

  Why does your husband tell you stories that depress you?  Is he doing it on purpose to depress you?  He's supposed to be on your side, no?  Is he just being a knucklehead?  Or is he being intentionally cruel?  Why is he the way he is?  Is it just utter thoughtlessness?  Do you tell him how it affects you?  And how does he react when you do?
  
  Lots of times my wife will come out with whatever happens to be on her mind at the time even though she should know that it's something I don't want to hear.  In her case it isn't willfully trying to get under my skin, it's just that it is on her mind, and whatever is on her mind pops right out of her mouth without a thought to the consequences.  I could tell her a hundred times not to do that, but it makes no difference, because whatever enters her mind will be coming out of her mouth instantly.  And it pisses me off, and I let her know that.  Still, it will never change much.
  

• Derek@SleepASAP said on Oct 01, 2007....

  CW Thank you for sharing and I will include you in my prayers. Something you might want to consider is looking into your quality of sleep. We at SleepASAP.com have put together a website aimed at helping people to get optimal sleep. There have been several studies done that your bodies chemistry changes when you are not getting enough sleep. Many doctors never even inquire about patients sleeping habits. Many people suffer from obstructive sleep apnea and when this occurs your body will not let you get the restorative sleep you need that comes in the 2nd Rem sleep. Your body is afraid it will die so it continually keeps you from the deep sleep. We have a very comprehensive sleep assessment that you can take and there is no cost, plus a sleep diary that you can keep track of your sleep patterns and this will tell you more about yourself and how and when you get the optimal nights sleep so you can replicate it again and again. I hope our site can be of help to you and many others. ICA Derek

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