• moonriver said on Sep 20, 2007....

  i'm listening, mamie. and it doesn't surprise me. helping others, empathizing with others, is a good way of healing or at least easing one's own hurts.
  
  

• gingersoul said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Mamie.......do you believe me if i tell you i have never completely bought the image you wanted to proejct about yourself? You left behind some tiny clues here and there, like Pollicino. You have not been completely silent about it.

  And how have i been able to read them? They are indeed so tiny...

  Because i am like you. People in RL would never believe me when i say i am fighting with it on a regular basis. Only few dear friends know it.

  They see me like this strong, up front, bold, fiesty, chin up person. Little they know that many days i wouldn't want even leave my bed.

  Reality is i dont share myself easily. People often say i am difficult to read but a  great listener because i do listen. i dont talk about me too much. I am a great problem solver. For them. My problems ...well..they take a little longer....

  I mean,  yes we all have our up and down, our love life might sucks, we worry about the future...They can know that.

  But my deep core is not there to be showed. And many times is not pretty to watch. I think i showed here about my dark side a lot more than i ever allowed many in RL to know. Especially since i moved here in the States.  

  So, Mamie, dont add guilty to your burden. Thats the way we are...we are ready to help out but asking for help is not our thing. If we do ask help...it means we are in deep trouble....{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  You know you can reach me anytime.

• Mamie said on Sep 20, 2007....

  thank you Moon. You are so kind and it feels like a little salve on a hurty heart.
   
  Ginger, ah, you are one of the angels...who knew me...better and simply asked me, what gives? Even to this moment, the beauty of you reaching out brings a lump to my throat. You are the best. And all the way from Texas, you have helped me to smile through my tears and remember the good things. I thank you again, and if I could find them, I would send you a basket of moon beams... for the light you have shared with me. Thank you so much and mostly, thanks for holding my hand.
  Hugs to you both, Mamie

• secretlife said on Sep 20, 2007....

  if you girls need help getting out of bed, just give me a call---

  i can always think of a reason to get out of there....and i'm very very jealous of anyone who can stay in longer than me!

  seriously--- i keep waiting for my turn at crashing and burning.

  i'm sure it's coming...

  when i talk about one day at a time, i'm deadly deadly serious.

  it's all i can do.  one day. 

  maybe that's why i'm still able to get up...i think, just today....just get thru

  the things you have to do today...

  i was sitting out on my deck late afternoon yesterday.

  it was a beautiful day-- crisp and clear.  the sun was shinning- the grass is so green, and the trees are changing, and in terms of the day, it was was pretty perfect.

  i was so grateful to be sitting there and able to see the beauty.

  so many other days i live are not beautiful at all.

  but for those hours yesterday it was lovely.

  and i will let them carry me into this day, which isn't very good either-

  and thru the chores that have to be done....and then back to my family with laughing girls home from football games, and a cute little freckled boy who will be looking for mommy to kiss him goodnite.

  I don't know why i always get up.  i just do.

  i don't know why you battle depression and i don't.

  it doesn't really matter mamie-

  we all fight our own battles. 

  all that matters is you find the help you need to fight yours. 

• botoni said on Sep 20, 2007....

  MAMIE! How very brave of you to face and admit to your albatross. Thats both huge and wonderful. Now take heart. There is help. Have a big gulp of air, steel up your nerves and talk to your doctor. Depression can have many causes. One is often just a chemical imbalance althought there are others. A lesson I needed to learn was how to take care of myself before I could really take care of others. You are a wonder now, just imagine what a wonder you ll be when you look after yourself!

• mobil said on Sep 20, 2007....

  So many don't understand depression Mamie, I think that's changing though. I don't know what to say Mamie, you are girl Friday, but, girl Friday is stuck in Monday.
   
  You can't just buck up and lose depression and I am not real happy with what I have seen from all the antidepressants out there either. My wife became depressed after the change of life began. She's in and out of it now, more out than in, much more out now.
   
  I know the one natural thing that helps depression is exercise and I think diet may help some too. I suggest you read all you can about diet and depression and if you are not, start getting more exercise. Fresh air  helps some too Mamie.
   
  That's all I got, other than taking an anti depressant and that might help you. Stay intouch with all your friends here Mamie, you have many, I hope you count me as one. God Bless you Sweetie, this too will pass

• Battycat said on Sep 20, 2007....

  You are not alone Mamie,  and you're not a fraud, just trying to get on with life.

• silverwhisper said on Sep 20, 2007....

  i cannot add to the great advice you've rec'd already, mamie. please heed them: they're right. all of them.
  
  ed

• Mamie said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Hey Secret, thanks for your notes...and for your offer to get us outta bed!:) I have started a new focus on Gratitude, so I think I recognized that beautiful afternoon yesterday right when you were doing the same. I am gently reminding myself of all the glorious ways I am blessed...it is true, I just have a disconnect and get stuck in the what-ifs...
   
  Botoni: wow, thanks for thinking it was brave. Now that I think of it that way, I am glad I did write it out. It divided the burden by sharing it with you. I have checked in with my doctor because I could not stop crying. I have meds and am feeling a bit better. I wish it was something you could talk yourself out of...I am quite a talker.
   
  Mobil, thank you friend. I know this will pass...such is life. I was carrying this secret for a while and it finally boiled over. I am aware that diet and exercise are important when dealing with depression...as it is for the diabetes that I earned by over-achieving with chemo (I am an over achiever, did I mention?)
   
  I have been doing ballet and pilates for four months now, but since I do those on dvd and alone, I recently started walking with some girls from the neighborhood. I think I will enjoy the new friends too. We are hiking the gorgoeus hills of Chester County PA around 3 or 4 miles a day. I am getting very sexy legs....trying to keep up with Jenna and those legs from her bike rides....
   
  Batty, thanks for understanding. I appreciate you not judging me and for allowing me to just be. I am not sure why I thought anyone would judge this as stupid since I would not do that if I read of anothers suffering with depression.
   
  Silver: thanks for dropping by. We do have some good advisors don't we? i appreciate you commenting and saying hello. Feels good. Thanks.

• MissMimi said on Sep 20, 2007....

  For my sweet friends, Mamie and Ginger, and all who suffer alone in the darkness.
  
  
  
  

• Mamie said on Sep 20, 2007....

  MissMimi: if you only knew how much your notes mean to me...thank you so much...you are an angel...if I knew where you lived, I would be one of your stalkers:))
  Ok, I am going to "just breathe" now...thanks for the reminder..."if I get it all down on the paper, it no longer threatens the life it belongs to...." is just how I felt writing this post...thanks. Perfect song. I hope Ginger enjoys it as much as I do...I know she will.

• CreativeWoman said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Mamie,
  You aren't a fraud, dear.  You are a very warm and kind person who cares about other people. Sometimes it is much easier to lend a helping hand to others than it is to take care of ourselves.  I know I am most certainly guilty of that.  Very few people in RL would ever guess of the private pain I harbor.  I guess I could be called a fraud too or deserving of an Academy Award nomination.
  
  It helps me to write about it.  I hope it does the same for you.  I have an understanding ear should you ever need one. 
  
  ((((hugs))))
  
  CW
  

• rmuxagirl said on Sep 20, 2007....

  HUGS!!!
  
  Mamie I know exactly where you are coming from.  Its hard to admit when you are struggling with anything let alone depression of any sort.  It's almost as if you don't say anything then it doesn't really exist.  Yet at the same time not talking about it hurts us even more because we keep it all inside and not let it out.
  
  Well you have been there for me, so it's my turn lay it all on my :)  That's what the "garden" is all about.
  

• truthsayer said on Sep 20, 2007....

  My dearest Mamie. 

  I think that I shall share most of my response to this...with you, in private message.  Remember that word I asked for?  I am working on a poem for you too.  So that you will know that I know. 

  We who feel deeply, feel deeply for others, while keeping some of our own feelings tucked away; to be sorted later.  Right now, in the moment, we share the feelings that we have that connect with others...to make them know that they are not alone.  We commune with each other in this way...like I told secretlife when she and Gingersoul shared their pain and sorrow...deep calls unto deep.

  The place where we often miss, is those feelings that we placed on the shelf, in a jar marked, "Later".  The ones that surfaced, but didn't quite fit with our last communion, be it with a fellow human, or even with our Lord.  We felt it, and tucked it away inside that little jar...for "Later". 

  But for some of us, later never came.  There was so much to do, so much to say, tears to wipe, laughter to share...and later never came.  Secretlife is waiting for her "Later."  Gingersoul is waiting for her "Later."  MissMimi and CW and even some of the guys are still waiting for their "Later" jar to be opened. 

  But it has gotten so big now.  At least we see it that way.  It may even have the poor shelf tipping under it's weight...but still, we say, "Later."  Well honey, we all have a "Later" jar.  I have one too.  I told you so.  I don't believe in medicating unless absolutely necessary...even when I cried for two days straight and lost eight pounds the hard way ; )  I lived.  I got through it.  All I wanted was for someone to hold me while I opened my "Later" jar, and let just a little bit of the tears out.  I wanted to be loved while I let out enough so that my shelves would stop tipping ; )

  I didn't have the love of my family though.  They probably tried; they just didn't have much to give.  You probably read my blog about that.  In fact, it may have been the first one of my blogs you ever read.  That's probably why we are friends...little sister...you are not alone.  Your jar is not as big or as full as you think it is.  Your shelf only feels like it is tipping... : )  Trust me.  I have been there.  You will get through this lady, because your "Later" jar is the very same jar that Jesus keeps  for us, until we are ready to go through it with Him. 

  I wish I could find the verse, but it says that God keeps everyone of our tears in a jar, and He does this for us.  He never missed one of them MM, not one.  You can count on that.  I promise.

  I guess the Good Lord had other plans...I guess He felt that this would help you, and someone else too.  So, I went with the Spirit and wrote it out now...right here hon.  Blessed be MM.

  Love, love, love...like a breath MM...in and out....love, love, love.  Remember to receive, receive, receive as well as you give, give, give.

  *Truthsayer

  P.S.  soulcast doesn't own this comment...this is one is owned by *me, my Lord, Mamie and my girls....all of them that He just ministered to in here...& ALL of His children with a "Later" jar      

• skald said on Sep 20, 2007....

  I am sorry Mamie for your depression but no you are not a fraud. I think that you are brave and you are not showing your depression at home or to your friends but remember my friend it is you who needs the help now and you need to get the attention not just to give the help and attention so go and get it.
  
  By silence is a quiet way of lie but that is when people are hurting others with the silence.
  

• hidufel said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Not a fraud mamie, never that. your reaching out liek you need to, and you have a lot of people here whom care and have given much good advice already. One of the problems ive seen, is those people oftne go to, have the hardest time when they need that help themselves. Kudos to you for the courage to acknowledge your need, and for reaching out. now, listen to these folks, they ALL have good Advice!

• Mamie said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Well in an ironic twist of fate...the first page and the first blog:)
  I would smile if I wasn't so depressed...I AM KIDDING...YAY ME! I would like to thank the academy and my manager...um, ok, let me get out of the Emmy's and get back here...
  hello!
  Hey Creative Woman: thanks for making me smile and giving me the academy awards idea...we shall attend that dinner together from now on...why oh why do we hold these things in, when letting it out is such a relief? I will let it out, if you will.
  You can if I can. Lets start anew tomorrow.
   
  Rmuxie, get your butt over to my garden and come sit a spell! I just PM'd you, thank you sweetie pie!!
   
  Truth: you really did name yourself well...I just answered with a comment on your blog. How do I say thank you for such a gift? I am honored and uplifted by your words. From God's lips to my ears...I hear. thanks.
   
  Skald: thank you my friend. You are so kind and always have such a gentle spirit in your words. I feel like you hugged me, so this is me hugging you back...I will get help and I have found help right here at the Hospital of the University of SC...:)) thanks so much.
   
  Hid: thanks for dropping in ,my new poet friend. I appreciate your visit. As you say: "a bar is bent...a path lies open..." shall we walk it  a while together? I vote yes!

• starchini said on Sep 20, 2007....

  Mamie you gave me such great advice when i was depressed.  Just flip your switch, and fake it till you make it!!!  Much love mamie : )

• quietone said on Sep 21, 2007....

  Mamie ~ I am with the rest, you are no fraud.  depression is a terrible "thing".  You aren't alone in that.  It takes a lot of guts to "come out" so to speak about this...that is a first huge step.  I don't think anyone can help you/us out of depression, but we can be here to support you and listen.  I am glad you have some friends to go walking with.  And thank you for letting me know I am not alone...

• kruuyai said on Sep 21, 2007....

  Mamie - There's nothing shameful about suffering from depression.  Many of us do.  And in many cases, it can have physical causes.. hormone imbalances, etc.  Mobil offered some good advice, and I would recommend seeing a professional about it as well.  The first step in battling depression, I think, is to determine whether the cause is physical or psychological.  There's a lot that can be done to help, either way.  And it is true that, stepping out of our own problems and helping others with theirs is a good way to step out of depression, but if there are physiological causes, it won't be enough. More important of all... you need to be able to talk to people about what's really going on with you...whether it's here or with someone that you know IRL... because holding it in only makes it grow.  I hope you're able to find a solution, and know that there are many more of us who struggle with this on a daily basis... so you are not alone.

• pickersplock said on Sep 21, 2007....

  I don't think I can add anything more to the words that have already been written.  I'm just here to lend my support and wish you well!

• skald said on Sep 21, 2007....

  I am so glad that you have found help. (((((Hugs)))))

• gingersoul said on Sep 21, 2007....

  Mamie.....i need to thank Mimi e Truthsayer......{deep thanks to both of you}.

  And Mamie.....moon beams are perfect...even if you don't find them....{{hugs}}

• Mamie said on Sep 21, 2007....

  Starchini: you are so right! Duh on my part.. I am paddling hard now! The shore seemed quite far yesterday...today, not so much!

  Quiet: thanks for that. No, we are not alone. I guess I should have just raised my hand, and asked for a turn...many people are checking in and I am sorry we have so much stress in our lives...I do take heart though in the fact that each day is a new do-over option and I am claiming mine! Hope your day is sweet and your weekend, even sweeter!

  Kruu: thank you. I wish I could pin point the problem, so that I could just stop it. I am beginning to think that I am hard wired this way? Who knows...but I have elected to approach it medically, nutritionally, spiritually and ....and....gracefully. I fully intend to understand what is going on and to find my joy. This too shall pass, and I will not sweep it under a rug to mess with later. Today, I begin.

  Pickers: thanks YOU! I smile when I see your name...you always make me smile!!

  Hi again Skald, thanks, I have found help and have been kinda building my team for a few weeks. I think by now it is beginning to hit its own stride. I am determined.

  Ginger: thanks for the hugs...I re-hug Mimi and Truthsayer too...make sure we include them on our SC trip to Italy whenever we decide to go...it will be a yak-fest!! I do imagine moon beams in your smile...so there! Sending them spiritually....have a great weekend with your baby girl!!

  To my Private message buddies....thanks. You are the best. I will heed your words of wisdom and really relax this weekend...I will return next week fortified and ready for the kind of action it takes to be an SC Lady!! Thanks so much!! When I make my next million$$, I am taking us all to Oprah to explain how you threw me a rope when I was down..and she will probably send us all to a spa week free of charge!

• destinydiva said on Sep 21, 2007....

  wish I could find some words to make you feel better....  (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
  would a great big hug do for now?
  and a smile :-) ?
  I hope so xxx
  
  

• Mamie said on Sep 21, 2007....

  well yes it would! GOT IT!! Many thanks.

  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooo

  Mamie

• MissMimi said on Sep 21, 2007....

  Mamie, will this spa have chocolate?  ;)

  How you doing today, Mamiekins?

• Mamie said on Sep 22, 2007....

  well, hi there, Mimi...um, I am feeling like a Passion Flower!! Truth be told, the spa will have chocolate but mostly sugar-free chocolate for CW and me. Hope you don't mind so much!!
  I have been mulling this whole thing over...mulling but not dwelling.
  I have been living in the moment and enjoying life's simple pleasures..baby steps. Going easy on myself...thanks for checking....the Mamester

• MissMimi said on Sep 23, 2007....

  sometimes, that is exactly what you need.  To just live in the moment and not dwell.  I'm glad you're going easy on yourself-- I know it ain't easy. 

  Hang in there, Mamie, my little passion flower.  :)

• Jenna said on Sep 23, 2007....

  Hey My girl......I have been away from here for a couple of days......and then I went away this weekend.  I just hopped on here for a sec to see what I missed.....and I see this.....the blog we talked about the other night.
   
  I was at the beach this weekend....took a long walk.....and you came to mind.  I thought about the battle you are going through.  The battle I have fought and am so trying to remain on top of.  It ain't easy babe.  It ain't easy.  I said a little prayer and threw it out there....into the universe.  I hope somehow you felt it today.  Perhaps through a warm breeze, a butterfly, a ray of sunshine hitting the clouds just the right way.   
   
  Mams....we need to make a plan.....cuz Houston, we have a problem here.  Sweetie, we will get through this.  We have been pulling each other out of quicksand for so long......we are not going to go down now.  I have one week til this ride....(.funny how I have kind of put my life on hold because of it.)
   
  After I make it.....I will pull out these two beach chairs  we are familiar with and we will set up in your backyard and figure it all out.  It should be easy now.  We can do this and we will.  I believe in you.  I know together we can make it through. 
   
  It has kind of been a tag team effort all along.....and now tag, I am it......I am going to get you through this!  Promise! 
   
  I love you girlie!
  xo

• gingersoul said on Sep 23, 2007....

  Jenna...i am smiling reading your comment...beautiful and touching.....this friendship between the two of you is indeed something to fight for and to rely on...

  Mamie....see? you  have wonderful friends around you...{{hugs}} 

• Mamie said on Sep 24, 2007....

  happy sigh...thanks my girlies. I am getting a bit stronger with each day passing. I am so inspired by the words of wisdom from all these great people here. You were right...throw it out there and let the love come in. Both of you said that to me. How cool is that?
   
  I am ready for the beach chairs. I am ready to move ahead and be okay with this abundance of health and wealth that I am feeling. I am taking the brass ring. I am opening to all miracles...and they are zapping me left and right (yes, I rec'd your prayer, just didn't know it was you at the time)...thanks so much.
   
  Let's make a new pact. No more tag...coz that means that one of us is down while the other is up. Lets call a truce to the struggle...it is what it is and we are thelma and louise on the rise, above it. Troubles be damned.
   
  PS Jenna, please check out Mobils circle post. I put your behind in church...I said it , so you have to swear it is true (wink, wink)...
   
  Ginger, how do you feel about moving to Philadelphia? It is not Italy but we do have an Italian Market in the city and I have an extra beach chair.....love, love, mamie

• truthsayer said on Sep 24, 2007....

  I am just checking in with all of you lovely ladies (and gentlemen).  I am glad to see the sunshine on your faces and the cool drinks in your hands.  Your laughter and your loving witness is carried on the gentle breeze to everyone that reads the words of this blog!
   
  Mamie, you are most welcome, and I return the (((hugg))) of course.  Gingersoul, you are most welcome as well.  Jenna, I think you and Mamie are getting this all worked out together!  Celebrate life ladies and cast all of your cares on Him, like the Good Book says.  I held all of you up in prayer today.
   
  Love, love, love,
   
  Truth   

• Mamie said on Sep 24, 2007....

  well hi there Truth, today I had no less than three real live miracles with my name on them...so I know for certain that you called me by name, thank you!!
   
   I talked with Ginger and with Mimi today too, so what is not to love? :)) jenna and I missed each other but the messages work just the same. We are quite the team, aren't we? As they say, God sure knows how to set a table!
  Blessed be, to all, Mamie

• Mamie said on Sep 26, 2007....

  hiya soul friends, just wanted to give an update to all on this thread...I am doing much better. Thanks so much. I have been healing and processing and then healing some more. I am not sure how to measure when this is over, but I am having more happy times than sad now and I am uplifted once more by your support and love.
  Thank you so much! I really, really really want to have you all over for lunch....just to hug you in person...did I mention I am a hugger?
  love, Mamie

• destinydiva said on Sep 26, 2007....

  glad your feeling in better spirits mamie :-)
  (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
  destiny xx
  

• gingersoul said on Sep 26, 2007....

  Mamie...i have been in Philadelphia years ago and i loved it!!!

  I have my cute little Liberty Bell and all...

  Do you have also a spare room for me and my daughter?....LOL...{{{{hugs}}}}

  Truth....{{{hugs}}}

• Mamie said on Sep 26, 2007....

  ginger:
  as a matter of fact I do, dear! There is a guest room here and I would put a crystal vase next to the bed with a yellow rose..there are powder blue towels in the private bath with beautuful Irish lace sewn on the edges just for beauty's sake.
   
  We would have your lovely girl spend some time in my daughters room viewing all things PINK...and my girl will be a big sister!!...
   
  and we will have a glass of fine champagne and celebrate!
   
  THEN we will jump in a limo, go pick up Jenna and go down into the city. We will visit Penn's Landing and stroll the city in the Fall and in the winter we will ice skate right next to the river in the open air rink. We can take a ferry over to New Jersey and pick up Secretlife...and come back and have dinner at the Ritz Carlton just before we take in the Ballet at the Academy of Music...on Broad Street...sigh...yea, that would be fun!

• anxious-for-salvation said on Jan 11, 2008....

  
  How could you know my thoughts?
  These are the same feelings I am going thorugh right now.
  Thanks for expressing beautifully in precise words.

• Mamie said on Jan 12, 2008....

  hiya anxious....i am sorry for your struggle. And since I have made great progress since then, I would like to help find some tools to help you through...isn't it hard to be the go to person?

  I wish you for today....clarity...peace...joy...just breathe....PM me if you want to talk about this...it is ok if you don't too...just know...I get it. M

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