I wish there's an opportunity to tell you pointblank what I feel. To tell you that every inch of you brings so much anger and regret deep inside. Anger towards the situation, towards you, towards myself.
I wish I could strip myself of all inhibitions, bare my soul, and tell you how you have affected my life so much, and yet I never wanted any of this. I trusted you and you betrayed me.
I wish it were easier to brush everything off as if nothing happened.. But it happened, and no matter how hard I try, the same event happens in my head over and over again. Could I summon the tears to wash away the pain?
I wish there weren't much people who'll be hurt when I finally have to courage to tell them this thorny path I am going through. That I am suffering in silence, and that my love for them are the very reasons why I need to keep it that way.
I wish it was easy to ask for forgiveness to the people I have hurt, and expect nothing but compassion and understanding. To feel the warmth of their embrace, and be assured that everything is alright. To tell them that I am sorry, and that I never intended to hurt them this way.
I wish there was someone I could talk to right now, someone who would listen, and never judge me, blame nor loathe me. I have been praying so hard, and I am still waiting for answers. Maybe in due time, everything will fall into place.
I wish none of it happened.
Sometimes, it is best to keep silent, to keep everything in the dark so that others will not be hurt. Thank you for spending your time reading this.
Lioness posted on Sep 20, 2007
| views: 268
Comments
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unknownblogger said on Sep 20, 2007....
I think I need to wipe away my tears... -
sweet_cookie01 said on Sep 20, 2007....
i am sorry you are going through that suffering of pain and confusion.... -
simplyklo said on Sep 20, 2007....
Been there ...
Not sure what has happened but I made some poor decisions (to put it mildly) almost 5 years ago and hurt some people that I loved dearly ... unfortunately the truth always seems to get out somehow so you may find that you have to face it. Things are okay now but it was a long painful road for me ... I'm sure there is someone out there who'd listen and not judge you - I found my Dad of all people, a man I typically cannot talk to, to be the most supportive person when I went through my rough spell.Hang in there. -
mobil said on Sep 20, 2007....
I didn't understand it Lioness. was this something you did or something someone did to you? -
silverwhisper said on Sep 20, 2007....
lioness, i undestand that you are in the valleys of a great guilt. perhaps some of us could throw you a line?
and if you need to get it out, feel free to PM me.
[hug]
ed -
ellamae14 said on Sep 21, 2007....
lioness: even from here, you'll know that a lot of people cares for you. and they-we, don't even know you personally. i think most of your friends or people involve who knows you - feels the same way.
Guilt is a rope that wears thin as they say. I hope you'll get over it soon. don't suffer too long, it will affect you in more ways than you can imagine. and it's never worth it. let go and forgive yourself. sometimes it's the hardest thing to do, forgiving oneself.
saka... ang lakas makapangit ng sama ng loob.pramis. sayang naman di ba? cheer up! :) -
dazed_and_confused said on Sep 21, 2007....
I don't actually know the right words to say in this situation Lioness, but whatever it is, you know that a lot of people care about you in RL and in SC, so keep hanging there and hopefully, things would look brighter for you. I'm just gonna pray that you can go through this and come out stronger than ever.
Your friend,
dazed
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Battycat said on Sep 22, 2007....
I hope you are OK, all I can say is what has been said before {hug} -
queenparanoia said on Sep 23, 2007....
if someone is hurting you right now just tell who it is and i'll kick his ass. i'm not kidding. i may be going to manila and i'll certainly will kick his ass. please dont be sad. i can't think of anything right now but i want you to know that i'm here for you ate. so please dont be sad... -
Lioness said on Sep 24, 2007....
To all of you guys who dropped by, read and commented: unknown, sweetcookie, simplyklo, mobil, ed, ellamae, dazed, Battycat, queen, thanks a lot. Your kind words and care made me feel like I am not alone. I cannot elaborate much on what transpired, it's too personal and embarrassing, but I am sure you will understand. It's an incident that is best to be kept hidden or forgotten.
I vow to move on and be back to my usual self. I hope that someday, I would have the courage and opportunity to say those things to that person.
To you guys who lent an ear, many thanks!
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