It was a little hard to hear, but I needed to. My friend wasn't being mean...just honest. Those are the best kinds of friends to have.
I have been down for many reasons. Most of them you already know. You know all the medical fears I have had. Thankfully those are subsiding as I am learning to take my life back. I seem to be doing well with my diet as far as my blood sugar readings go. I'm learning to battle the diabetes. I have no doubt I will win over it. There is no other option in my mind.
My foot is healing well. It drains less and less each day. The sore spot under where my toe was is fading away. I have wondered if maybe a clamp was there during my surgery. The blistered skin from the tape holding on the wound vac is nearly normal.
Now my biggest fear is for when the medical bills start coming in. I know that insurance will cover the majority of the cost. I always worry about extra expenses though. It will be ok. God will provide. He always does.
I've learned who my true friends are during this time. Somewhere along this journey I lost one of my best friends. He simply stopped communicating with me. He gave no explanation except that now was a "busy time" for him. I was very hurt at first because I thought we were more as he had encouraged me to believe. I took him at his word. He knew exactly how I felt and it seems he made a fool out of me. My hurt turned to anger. I can only assume that my amputated toe and/or the diabetes chased him away. I'll never know because he didn't offer the respect of an explanation. I think I at least deserved that. I most certainly thought more highly of him than that. I consider myself lucky to find that out about him now versus later.
So, that brings me back to my sensitivity. Privately, I have been harboring that pain and resentment about my lost friend. I've struggled a bit with my worthiness. My other friend knows that. I've had to make the decision that I am more important than worrying about it. I have to be well. I can't waste energy on a friendship lost. I will survive. I will give myself no other choice.
Friends move out of our lives. I suppose they leave a stamp upon us. New friends move in. Life keeps changing and we change with it. We survive or we quit.
I'm a survivor.
CW
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