mOOn platOOn

7 regular features updated on odd days

The Bottom Line: This is a blog about mOOn platOOn, by Steve Games. Working in Hollywood but outside the bounds of studio controls, it’s a dream to create a movie – a TV series – a video game, books, interactive website and toys, and this is the beginning.

The Reconstruction: Nostalgia Rock By A Group Who Has Completely Replaced Every Organic Cell In Their Bodies 2.9 Times Since John Bonham’s Extinction

Wigs haven’t made such a comeback since George Washington’s time.

After not bothering to perform together for 19 years, geezer rock band Led Zeppelin has decided that one more performance is now called for to honor the memory of the guy who made them famous 40 years ago, Ahmet Ertegun.

They must be running out of money. Otherwise why "Lawrence-Welk" yourself in such shamelessly nostalgic fashion like ancient rock "legend" Led ‘Crippelin is doing? They’ll start by raking in over 5 and a half million for an hour of play. And it won’t be new material.

These dim fucks (yes, I call Robert Plant and Jimmy Page dim fucks because anyone with their name recognition should be able to generate billions for both themselves and the needy causes of the world in a mature fashion by now and yet I cannot even picture their faces) who were lucky enough to be managed properly at the right time way back when have the audacity to charge TWO HUNDRED FIFTY FOUR DOLLARS AND THIRTY FUCKING CENTS for a ticket to watch them hobble on stage and imitate their former selves?

"This performance stands alone as our tribute to the work and the life of our long-standing friend," Robert Plant said in a statement. Oh really? So it's all about a tribute to the late founder of Atlantic Records, Ahmet Ertegun, who signed Led Zeppelin in 1968? Then why are they charging for the event? Is the money going to Alcoholics Anonymous? Because the bandmates themselves admitted that the band died along with alcoholic drummer John Bonham, causing the split up in the first place back in 1980.

The concert's organizer said "They thought about it very carefully, and even decided to actually rehearse for a few days to see if they could play together again," according to Reuters Television in an interview. Tantrum watch!

What is it, they hate each other too much to get together once every couple of decades and make a killing? Good thing they aren’t trying to run a business together or anything.

And, wow! Imagine that. They can actually play together again. I mean, what if one had somehow grown allergic to the others? Or, God forbid, arthritis had crept in since the last time Jimmy Page wiggled his mystical fingers? Or, gosh, twenty years later could someone still be grudging?

Why not dedicate the retirement fundraiser to poor, dead, pickled Bonham? Are they still mad at him for up and dying on them? I wonder how much they enabled his boozing back in the day?

Why dedicate the event to anyone at all unless they get the money (does Ertegan’s family get it?)? I guess if Zep didn’t pretend like it was to honor someone else they’d have to put on a show acknowledging that it was really just for them, and admitting that they’re now forced to live off of the past.

Here is another over-inflated band that had some tunes that required heavy doses of illegal drugs to turn them into “classics.” This pretentious “theatre-rock” is so calculated and disingenuous that the group should be paid with counterfeit money.

It isn’t that they’re old. Nothing wrong with old. It’s that they’re trying not to change. Change is inevitable. Hence the unintentional comedy.

At least the Rolling Kidney Stones have been in continuous play for the last three decades. Their body memories are saving their shows. One of them is even going to appear with Zep just in case too many fans of one or the other have passed along to that pearly hall of fame in the sky (or more likely in the case of most of them, in the fiery pit of eternal damnation). Pete Townsend is showing up because he begged. Apparently Zep is too insecure to feature a contemporary band for their opening act. Perhaps security will be checking for AARP fellowship cards at the door, but for the financial sake of the event all senior discounts must be dropped.

Rumor has it that onstage use of cocaine and heroin will be replaced with incense, Advil and Ben Gay, explaining the difference in the odors wafting through the event today versus 1978.

Some tribute. A chance to watch a legend grow frail. They might at least have the common sense to gray-up the wigs.

The Stairway to Heaven is crumbling.

It Came From Out Of The Script

In this excerpt from the screenplay mOOn platOOn, first term President Ronald Reagan is formulating his latest strategy against the Soviet Union. His own secret advisor, former President Richard Nixon, has been snuck into the White House in the dead of night for a fateful meeting:

INT. Reagan’s Oval Office. Present are Colonel Hamilton, Major Munoz, former President Nixon and President Reagan.

SUPER:1983

HAMILTON

Mr. President, we’re on schedule. Excitement is growing in Houston about publicly getting an American female into space. The interest amongst woman and minorities is picking up dramatically.

REAGAN

We need everyone to get into the space thing. From midgets to math professors -! Everyone!

HAMILTON

The political advisors have made us well aware that if this business of arms in space ever gets out, the international heat will be great. But we’ve got ample justification. Major Munoz?

Munoz stands before graphs and flip charts.

MAJOR MUNOZ

These charts and photographs provide evidence of Soviet experiments in space with lasers, particle beams, radio frequencies and kinetic energy.  These experiments were targeted at the main cities of North and mid America. Each incident presented here is verified by at least two sources.

HAMILTON

Any move on our part at this juncture is self-defense. Guaranteed.

REAGAN

Good. I’m not surprised. It’s time for my pre-emptive strike. We’re launching a public relations offensive to cover our covert, Cold War defense operation. By the time any leaks occur, the public will already be on our side.  

NIXON

I’ve got it all worked out. On March 8th, you publicly redefine the Soviet Union as “The Evil Empire.”

REAGAN

“The Evil Empire.” Well, that’s catchy.

NIXON

And on March 23rd, you go on international television and introduce your solution to evil empires, a…well, a sort of, I dunno, “Star Wars,” just like the movies.

REAGAN

“Star Wars.” Say, I had a co-star once that reminded me of that Wookie fella.

HAMILTON

What are we supposed to do, sir? Attach florescent tubes to our automatic weapons?

MAJOR MUNOZ

I’m afraid the only force at our disposal, sir, is the Air Force.

NIXON

Didn’t General Boushey brief you on the space shield system before he left us? It’s simple. Conceived to thwart any incoming missiles targeting the United States, the shield consists of lasers, microwaves, particle and projectile beams.

HAMILTON

Is there a blueprint…or…?

NIXON

You’re missing the point, Einstein. The fact that President Reagan is willing to announce it publicly will scare the hell out of the reds. They’ll assume that we must already have it.

Hamilton and Munoz’s eyes meet.  How is that a good thing?

REAGAN [Imitating the press]

“But Mr. President, won’t that just cause the Soviets to spend even more money on their military?”

NIXON

Precisely. “Mr. Cronkite.” And that’s exactly what they don’t need. Their economy can’t take it. They’re already at the brink and the people have had enough. We keep pushing until the dam breaks. Meanwhile, we’ll actually work on the space shield in secret as well. Who knows? We might even come up with the damned thing.

HAMILTON

But, uh…Mr. President, and Mr. President:  “Star Wars?”  Sirs?  Isn’t that copyright infringement, or trademark trespassing or something like that?

REAGAN

Gee, John, do you think George Lucas will mind the publicity?

NIXON [Cracking up]

Ha! Good one, Mr. President! These guys just don’t think like we do, I guess.

REAGAN

Thanks a lot. Dick.

Nixon is not quite sure how to take that.

If I Were Casting Now

The part of Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America: James Cromwell (The Queen, Six Feet Under)

mOOn platOOn Byproducts

mOOn platOOn Refrigerator Magnets. A large round “Moon” magnet with craters holding magnets with faces of Oberon (Giovanni Ribisi), Ariel (Claire Danes), Colonel Hamilton (Tommy Lee Jones), Major Munoz (Carlos Mencia), Zodia (Lucy Lu), Nixon on the Moon (Joe Montegna) and McVey (Morgan Freeman).

mOOn platOOn Issues

Adopting an attitude to accomplish a goal, even if that attitude is faked, is marketing. In the screenplay mOOn platOOn, those who are recruited for space work are led to believe that they’re signing up for a relatively short-term adventure, though the recruiters know better.

Attorneys perform intellectual prostitution all the time. Compare and contrast this with the work done by street whores. Is selling your mind as dangerous as selling your body?

Other Projects By Steve Games

I was the voice of a previous SoulCast ID who wasn’t particularly popular (not in the top 12 most popular of the time, anyway) but is known to almost anyone who’s been around for at least 6 months and about whom many posts and comments have been written. Can you figure out who I was? Hints: (a) I haven’t used my previous ID since appearing here as mOOn platOOn. In other words, you won’t find mOOn platOOn and X anywhere together in real time. First I was X, then I became mOOn platOOn. (b) the tone of this edition’s lead article is different than any of my other present posts, but similar to all of my previous ones as X. In fact, I have no actual opinion about Led Zeppelin whatsoever, I’m just posturing up there like an intellectual prostitute taking some obvious easy shots at an entity that will not be effected by them. Wouldn’t I love to be able to coast on my rep? Break a leg, boys! (c) I mentioned my other ID in an earlier mOOn platOOn post as part of the story, but without mentioning that it was I.

The Cast In Hollywood

Yo, temps are cooling even as I’m heating up – we’re toppin’ out in the 80s today, and it’s sweater time tonight. Good cuddlin’ eves…

A perfect time to produce mOOn platOOn. You can be a part of it. Those who share in the building of our vision now will be by our sides when we reach fruition. Executive producers – financiers – are fully credited in the film. Your job is to make a specific part of it possible. Hollywood is run on private capital. Do you need experience in show business? No. Who are you? You inherited your money – or made it mostly by accident. You have more money than you know what to do with. You’ve been pretty stingy up until now. But you’re growing tired of taking everything for granted and want to be a part of something creative. You want whatever $ you put out to count for something cool. A couple of thousand is no dent in your wallet. Try with a small effort first. No platOOner shall be forgotten. Join now.

Participants can get involved by going to www.paypal.com and sending to stevegames1@yahoo.com through their system.

You will be contacted. mOOn platOOn wants you.

THANK$ - Chuck Cummings, Gordon Toland, $ati$fied Cu$tomer, trebleclef, HoleintheCosmos, sheemAfeM. We’re going strong! Y’all look for emails. INSIDER’S CLUB first online social gathering coming up.