Today is a very sad day for me. It’s the third anniversary of my eight year
old niece’s death. I can’t put into
words just how much I miss her. She was
like a daughter to me. I love her so much.
That will never go away.
I tried to convince myself that after three years, this
anniversary would be easier. It’s
not. The shock that follows you for a
long while after losing someone tragically has faded, but the missing never
goes away. When the sadness overwhelms,
I try to replace it with happy memories.
It doesn’t always work. Sometimes
it does.
You don’t know how I dreaded calling my sister today. I didn’t know how strong and supportive I
could be. I let my tears flow before I did. It made it easier for me before we
talked. I was proud of her when I did
call. I found her to be resilient. She’s at least putting up a strong front. I told her she sounded good. I think she appreciated that.
My nephew is kind of having a rough day. He’s been a rock for his mom and the rest of us
throughout this whole thing. He became a
young man right before my eyes the night it happened as he comforted me with
his unwavering words of faith. Today he misses his little sister. Today I tried to comfort him.
Earlier this morning I talked to my dad. He wasn’t aware of the date. I reminded him that he should call my
sister. He did not want to. He didn’t want to think about it. We all still hurt over my niece’s senseless passing. However, I convinced him to call and talk
about anything but that…just call. She would
know why he was calling. When I talked to
her, she told me she had talked to both Mom and Dad. I was glad they faced it and called.
I feel so guilty that I am not able to get out and go to my
niece’s grave. I wanted to put out some
fresh roses for her, but I because of my foot I’m stuck at home. I will get them there eventually. One thing is certain. I won’t forget.
My blood sugar has been running a little high today. I’m sure it is do to my deep sorrow that just
won’t leave. I was told my emotions
could affect it. I wouldn’t be surprised
if my blood pressure is up too.
I thought that maybe by writing a little bit about the
day, I might feel better. I can’t really
say if it is helping or not. I’m writing
in purple because it was one of her favorite colors. It’s the least I could do since I couldn’t
make it with flowers.
CW
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