I won't bore everyone with the mistake I made getting married once upon a time, but can I just vent and say that my ex is such a weasel and a total ASSHOLE?!!!!! There, I said it. I've been wanting to confront him about something recently but knew that a conversation would undoubtedly lead to a fight and frankly I divorced him so I wouldn't have to fight with him or listen to him anymore (among other reasons - on both sides of course).
Well, first the weasel takes me for alimony and child support and then retires!!!! Yes, not only was he less than a "man" about the fact that I made more than twice what he did yearly, but he was the one who told me to file for divorce and he is still bitter and hasn't dealt with things and moved on.
We were together for 7 years total ... I married him after our daughter was born thinking (at a young age of 26) that it would put his Catholic family at ease, and though I was not in love with him, it was right for our daughter and wasn't a big deal since we already owned a house together, shared bank accounts, etc. We were only actually married for a little less than 3 years however and well, I guess I should have known better!
So this summer I was on vacation in Maine - with my kids - we were visiting family. He called to talk to our daughter. Fifteen minutes later he called again. "Good, I'm glad you answered," he said. "Did you know today is the 5 year anniversary of your filing for divorce?" he asked.
"No," I responded, "Frankly I wasn't keeping track, but Happy Divorce!" I said cheerfully. What the fuck was I supposed to do? We fought all the time. He told me he wanted out to but, as usual, I needed to take care of everything - I should file. I listened to him and did it the very next day! We were only married 3 years and now 5 years later he is still mourning the anniversary??? I don't mean to sound heartless but it's not like it was only my decision!
Anyway, what's worse is that he is a total weasel. Since he doesn't work full-time (yes, he blew through $250k and had to start working again but only does as much as he has to while holding his hand out for child support) he gets to spend more time at our daughter's school than I do.
Well, after our divorce I ended up dating someone we both knew from our Stock Exchange days ... he was not a "friend" of my ex's but they knew each other and in the day liked each other. My ex has had a problem with him since we started dating (and actually, I am single now and ended the relationship anyway). That being said, my ex-boyfriend used to party some with the boys. So, my ex-husband decided he is a cocaine addict, blah, blah, blah. Well, that alone would be fine, but recently I learned more about what comes out of my ex's mouth and I no feel that I not only have been defamed but he has put our daughter at risk ... parents may "gossip", kids may overhear, and our innocent child may find herself hearing a bunch of shit started by a jealous, bitter, ex-husband!
So, here it is. My daughter wanted to have a friend spend the night. I had met her parents before, but as a single, working mom, I don't get to spend a lot of time at the school therefore I did not actually know them other than by name and face. Well, the mom called me back and put me through the Inquisition. She "just had to ask" if there would be men in the house, how I felt about drugs, etc. She claimed she was molested as a child and as a single mom she was overprotective, but it was overboard. I humored her and answered all her questions honestly to put her at ease. I also invited her to join us for a movie before the sleepover so we could get to know one another better and she could see the environment her daughter would be in.
Well, I don't do drugs ... sure I tried pot in the day, who didn't? My ex-husband was the one who smoked pot from sunset to sunrise though and he knew I'd never even tried cocaine or other substances like that ... if I didn't try in my teens or 20's I'm just not going to go there now - hello!!!!
Also, when I have had boyfriends, that life is separate from my kids and playdates. My girls knew my ex-boyfriend and loved him and spent time with him. But because I never wanted a parent to be concerned that their child would come to my house for a sleepover and meet different men, I always had sleepovers on nights when my boyfriend wasn't around - just out of courtesy!
Anyway, I got to know the mom who interrogated me recently - actually we are really close now. And, what I learned was that my ex-husband in some random conversation started ranting and raving about the "fact" that I dated a man who was a known cocaine addict, etc. etc. Well, she is not the only parent who has heard this story!
I've tried to bite my tongue and let it go ... I don't need to be recognized like he does by all the other parents and to be awarded The Best Parent Award as the recognition from my daughters is all I need. But honestly, I feel that he is not only defaming my character in front of a group of people I will have to associate with for at least the next 9 years, but he is putting our daughter at risk.
The parents around here primarily come from money, have money, and like to gossip. So what happens when another mom is "gossiping" about my alleged situation and their child overhears? What happens when my daughter is questioned or "informed" at school???? Hello - we live in a fucking small town and the gossip and crap can have a huge impact on kids!
Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing your advice. I was going to send him an e-mail that way I could edit it several times to get my point across without anger and without being accusatory and inflammatory, but of course the Little Idiot's e-mail doesn't work anymore, so ...
Help! I'm not sure I can restrain myself much longer!!!
