For my first post on SoulCast I wrote of my Golden Retriever, Dakota.
I wrote of this gentle, noble dog and how she taught me some of the most
important lessons in life. That post is still one of my favorites, the other
being about my daughter.
My Dakota was born May 1, 1997 and was brought home at seven weeks
old. My wife was the one who really wanted her and little did I know that
within two weeks I would be hopelessly in love. I had never taken to an
animal the way I took to her. She became known very quickly around the
house as "my dog".
As was written in the other post, she taught me how one could deeply love
an animal. She taught me how compassion was not reserved for certain
people, but existed to be used for life itself. She taught me how many
creatures could love, think, be happy as we can, and feel pain, loss and
suffer grief.
We found this puppy was so smart, so easy to train. One little scolding and
she was completely housebroken.
I built a fence around the front yard in two sections just for her and she spent
her life, when not in the house, in that front yard.
She learned to open all the different types of gate latches as a puppy, so I
had to place snaphooks on the latches. I thought it was kids playing tricks on
me until I watched by the corner of the house and caught her. This, of course,
required apologizing to the kids.
When she was one year old, we got another Golden we named Cheyenne and
their first meeting was a sight to behold. We held the new puppy to let her smell
of her, then set Cheyenne on the ground. The puppy wandered underneath
Dakota and when she tried to walk away, Dakota took a paw and nudged her
back under her.
This meeting became a lifelong love and friendship between the two. They were
inseparable, never fought, and Cheyenne would follow her new found friend
everywhere for the next nine years.
Dakota was rarely away from my side except when laying on the cool tile floor
in the library by my wife on the computer. When she was through on the computer
or watching tv, my wife would say "its nite, nite time Dakota" and the faithful dog
would follow her and take her place on the carpet at the foot of the bed.
Dakota had some bad times too. At age seven she ruined a ligament in her hind
leg and underwent a long and serious operation. In the eighth week of healing,
she did the same thing to the other leg and had to endure it all over again. For
weeks on two back-to-back occasions, I used a folded bath towel to wrap under
her and hold up her rear end so she could walk outside to do her duty. A labor of
love each and every time.
All of her life, when I was outside, she was with me. She lie on the porch to watch
me take care of "her" lawn.
When I was in the workshop, she lay in the doorway where it was cooler. I never
minded stepping over her (which could be fifty times a day).
When I worked in front of the workshop on a floored canopy, she lay five feet away
in the shade of the porch.
Every evening around eight o'clock I would go in front to a patio table to drink coffee.
She always went with me, and she also told me when it was time to go. I would sit there
looking at the stars and gazing at Dakota laying on the lawn.
In the middle of last week, Dakota seemed ill. She didn't eat Wednesday evening or
Thursday, so I took her to the vet Friday morning.
I took her in at 10:00 and by about 11:00 I was signing a paper for euthanasia. A
large tumor was blocking her bowel and urethra. On top of that, they found lumps in
a location that is always deadly for dogs. They would not recommend surgery for
several reasons.
I took my beloved Dakota in for pills and in an hour, I took her life.
I was in shock Friday, its Sunday evening and I'm still in shock.
The tears haven't stopped, I don't know when they will.
I called this dog my "first born" because she was the only animal in my life I loved
dearly and was truly "mine".
I'm incomplete. I feel like a body without a soul- only sadness.
Every step I take, every place I look, reminds me of her.
What I know for certain is that she had a good life. No dog was ever loved more by
a family. She got the best food. No voice was ever raised toward her in anger and
she got the attention she loved and needed.
But I am left empty and concerned.
Because I worry that she is cold....
Dakota....are you cold?.....
.....I'm so worried.....
beyondtheveil posted on Sep 09, 2007
| views: 325
Comments
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the_infernal_optimist said on Sep 10, 2007....
Oh, beyond...((hugs))
I'm so sorry for your loss. :(
Have you seen this? It helped me once, years past now. May you find some comfort there as well.
~Infernal
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Lioness said on Sep 10, 2007....
Beyond, I am sorry about Dakota. She may be gone, but the memories linger. Memories of your joyful togetherness. Maybe if she had the chance to tell you how lucky she was of having you, she might have said it in her own special way. Hope you feel better soon. -
sweet_cookie01 said on Sep 10, 2007....
oh my this is the first post i read today and what a way to start... i am now in tears!
letting go of a dog that you have learned to love so much and who has become a part of the family, a part of you is such a painful experience.
i had dogs before who have come and go because of old age and each time they pass on i thought i would be stronger but then the loss would prove me wrong...
hugs for you... i am dakota is still watching over you....
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secretlife said on Sep 10, 2007....
i'm so sorry beyond.
it's so hard to say goodbye.
i know she's not cold. and i know she's not suffering.
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Mamie said on Sep 10, 2007....
oh I too am so sorry for your loss. I feel the same way about mine. This is the grieving process and unfortunately the only way through it is..through it. ((((hugs))))mamie -
gingersoul said on Sep 10, 2007....
BeyBey....dont worry.....Dakota is not cold...she is way beyond cold and thirst and hunger and pain. Wherever she is ..she is fine...she is ok.
You have been a great owner, she has been a great companion.
I lost my dog Gunner as soon as i moved here in the States. I brought him with me from Italy . I just couldn't imagine leaving him behind.
We didn't have a place to keepe him the first months though because we were sharing a small apartment with my sister-in-law. So he stayed at my father-in-law's home in the country...it was Paradise for him....free to roam as he liked....but he got killed by some poisonous meat that he ate somewhere...I cried my eyes out. I still consider him my first dog even though in my family we always had dog.....but he was mine, only mine. We chose each other when he was a puppy... And he loved him so much.
I lost my cat too last winter, Allie, for leukemia, I brought her to the vet and said goodbye to her. She was just bones and big eyes watching me. She wa just the best cat in the world.
I am so sorry for your loss. There is going to be somebody who will tell you to get over....,its only a dog...have another one...but we know its not true...
They are not only dogs. They choose us and we choose them. And many times they simply make our life better.
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
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silverwhisper said on Sep 10, 2007....
ah, beyond...i am so sorry about dakota. you write so movingly about her.
rest well, dakota. you brought much happiness to a good man.
ed -
skald said on Sep 10, 2007....
Beyond. I am so sorry for your loss. What a lovely post your wrote about Dakota. she must have been extraordinary. I am so sorry. -
RollingC said on Sep 10, 2007....
Beyond.... I hear (and understand) your grief. I had to put my beloved white German shepherd to sleep as the operation had not much chance for success as he was already 10 yrs old. I'll always remember Rocket as the most devoted dog I've ever had in my life and the pain that I felt on putting him down made me swear that I'll never have another dog again. Maybe one day but not anytime soon.
It hurts too much when they part.
Rc -
kruuyai said on Sep 10, 2007....
beyond: I've been wondering what happened to you. This explains it. I'm so sorry, and I know that doesn't help. It's so hard to deal with this kind of loss. When my first cat died, I didn't think I could ever get over it. In some ways, I haven't. Still, I'm glad for the time that I had her in my life, and it was worth living through the pain of her loss. I'm sure you feel the same way about Dakota. One thing I learned when Bok Choi died is that you don't stop loving someone just because they're dead. That's the part of them that never dies.. your love for them. I'm glad that you wrote this. It's a good way to remember the things that you love about her. When I buried my cats, I always sat and remembered the milestones of their lives. I wish I were there to give you a hug. Be good to yourself. -
Alyss said on Sep 10, 2007....
{hugs} for you beyond.
I know they in no way fill the void but I do know what the loss of a much loved, 'first born' pet feels like and so I offer the only thing I can... {hugs}
I am sure Dakota is safe and warm and happy now where ever she is.
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moonriver said on Sep 10, 2007....
beyond -- you wrote a beautiful eulogy for a loved pet who has deeply touched your life. i never cried for a dead pet, as a child and up to now. it's still heart-wrenching though, to bury it -- to hold its lifeless body, to dig a deep hole, to gently set the body into the hole, to gradually cover it with dirt, and then top the mound with stones. i think i've personally buried 5, 6 pets (dogs and cats) in this way.
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EvilTwin said on Sep 11, 2007....
[Hugs] for you, beyond... I don't really have any words, but I suppose in this, we don't need any. I understand. [More hugs]Just one thing that caught my attention though. You did not take her life. You gave her relief. Please don't confuse that...And remember, you are not alone... -
beyondtheveil said on Sep 12, 2007....
I want to thank all of you for your most kind comments and caring. This has been, and still is, very difficult for me. I had given thought before about what it would be like for the inevitable to happen, but was unprepared due to it happening so quickly and without warning.
These comments mean so much to me at this time.
Again, thank you from the center of my heart.
Comment on "Love Lost- A Requiem for Dakota"
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