• Alyss said on Sep 08, 2007....

  I haven't ever cut but I used to pull my hair out which is another self harming behaviour. And I understand about it being or not being a bad habit.
  
  Would it help if I instructed you not to do it or would it make it worse?
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 08, 2007....

  yes, i do know someone who did, once. that was, as it apparently very often is, a function of internalizing pain and low self-esteem.
  
  ed

• wombat said on Sep 08, 2007....

  Yes, my niece.  She has been hospitalized for it.  Also, taking a cigarette lighter to her arms.  I spent time with her trying to understand.  As expected, it came from sexual abuse, neglect, pain--wanting to feel something when she felt numb.  She is better now, but not much.  Thank you for reminding me, I need to get her address and write her a letter--a letter in long hand.  Not an email, or a printed out page from my computer.  Please, if you feel this way, find someone to talk to.  I have had many kinds of outlets for my own pain, but thank goodness not that one as of yet. 

• Pontius_Pilate said on Sep 09, 2007....

  Thanks Alyss, but don't think it would do much good. My head is like a solid brick wall... not much gets in there that's not already there.
  I think in a way for me it slightly helps with not pushing the blade in deeper. Deep enough to do the job once and for all.
  :shrug:
  One thing I can saw SW, I don't think I've ever been accused of having a high self esteem.  lol
  

• wombat said on Sep 09, 2007....

  Scared.  Are you ok tonight?  Don't pay attention to my rambllings.  Pay attention to yours....and keep rambling......

• Jenna said on Sep 09, 2007....

  PP......Yes, I have known someone who has cut before.....it was not good.  I am upset to hear that you are doing this.  You need to get help.  You cannot keep doing this.  Is there someone you can see?  A counselor or something?  You cannot let this go on.  Please.....seek help!!!!!
  I will be thinking about you!
   

• wombat said on Sep 09, 2007....

  P.S.  Just cried my guts out, (over crap going on here at home that is not worth talking about)     then came back just to be here.  So, if you can or need to, then do that. 

• wombat said on Sep 09, 2007....

  I see you.

• Expendable said on Sep 09, 2007....

  You'll get a better rush from jogging. Endorphins. Very addictive.

• mommyof2 said on Sep 09, 2007....

  I have as a teen and now wear scars that I'm not looking forward to explaining to my kids when they ask. It was a release for me too, glad I grew out of it.

• polarheart said on Sep 09, 2007....

  I knew someone once who use to cut her arm.  It was the first time I heard about this kind of behaviour and it really upset me.  She had been raped earlier in her live and had very low self-esteem.  It was just so sad for me.  I hope you will allow yourself to overcome this thing and let go of it.

• gingersoul said on Sep 09, 2007....

  This is quite unusual..as for stats, cutting is a behavior unfortunately "popular" within teen agers and specially teen ager girls. 

  You are a man and way over your teens.....

  I think this makes a difference and makes me wonder why....

  You must be alone. This seems a cry for help.

  Are you trying to make you heard from the world because you feel the world doesnt pay attention to you?

  My sister's had a close girlfriend who was in cutting for years. She snapped out of it but after a while she fell in heroine. Then in alcohol. She was a very troubled young girl...her arms were always covered in full summer. I didnt like her because i was worried for my sister followong her steps.......and sure enough it happened... 

• quietone said on Sep 09, 2007....

  Pontius Pilate ~ I am sorry you feel so bad.  I do understand though never have cut myself..how it helps with the pain somehow.  I also know it is just not that easy to just "stop" its as bad as alcohol or drug addiction.  This does not make you a "bad" person.  You had the guts to come here and talk some...keep that up for starters.  We are all here for you...even PM if you feel the need to. My only saying sometimes that keeps me going is "I know God does not make junk"!  

• ZsuzsiO said on Sep 09, 2007....

  I've once talked to a guy who could only jerk off by thinking about cutting his private parts. That was due to the bady part's odd looks. I've never actually saw "exsibit A" (did I spell that one right?), but he told me it was bent, not standing straight, and that he hated it. I think he said he did not really cut it for real, but than again, I've never saw it to be able to tell.
   
  Also, a frined of mine's daughter pulls her hair. It got so bad at some times that her scalp was bleeding and she've had her head covered by the marks she created by it.
  Is that the same as cutting? Does it mean my friend shell worry about her well being?
  I'll send this blog to her, so she can read it and see if she relates to this one or not, so please comment more!
   
  Sorry to hear that you are in need to harm your body like that. I have a feeling there is not much I can say here to help you there. So just know that we are all here for you.
   
  HUGS
  Z

• vacantmind said on Sep 09, 2007....

  Pontius Pilate... I have created a post sharing my views on this topic. It was too long to post here IMO. I hope that you will give it a quick read.

• Battycat said on Sep 09, 2007....

  Yes, I have a cousin who does it, she says it's a release as well, maybe blogging will help you, soory you're feeling so bad.

• tbs230 said on Sep 09, 2007....

  I have a friend who confided in me that she used to cut herself.

  It's amazing how at any given point, I can come onto SC and find someone with a post relating to how I'm feeling.

  I've been thinking about this cutting business. Do you make small cuts, or big ones...are they hidden or visible? I only ask because these are the questions that are running through my head right now...along with other things, but that's irrelevant to this post.

• nytquill17 said on Sep 09, 2007....

  I want to comment on this, but I'm not sure what to say.  It can serve a lot of purposes.  Expression of things you don't know how to say or don't feel safe to say.  Releasing pain or punishing yourself, going numb or feeling alive.  Asking for help, or a way to get yourself through without relying on anyone else.  But whatever you use it for, it's a sign of great pain and suffering, usually that, for whatever reason, you just can't handle (or don't know how to).
  
  It used to be that self-injurers were automatically assumed to be suicidal.  People understand it a lot better now - it's the exact opposite of suicide, in a way.  People who harm themselves are trying to find a way to survive.  When you are ready, it may be a good idea to seek help, not so much to stop the cutting (in fact I suggest you avoid any therapist/counsellor who pushes you to stop or who focuses only on that) as to learn to understand yourself and to heal the pain that is driving you to do it.  But you've got to do that only when you're ready and only because you want to, and not because anybody says you should.  Otherwise it will just be one more thing that you feel you have to hold inside.
  
  Be gentle with yourself.  Understand that right now, you are doing what you have to do to hold on.  Understand that you are strong, that you are above all else a survivor, or you wouldn't be doing this.  Don't let anybody make you feel ashamed or tell you that you are sick or wrong somehow.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to figure out what's going on inside - what you're feeling and why.  What matters is not that you stop, but that you heal.
  
  There are some good websites out there, but reading them may make you feel better, or it may make you feel worse.  It may even be triggering (make you want to harm yourself) so be careful.
  
  Be good to yourself, and I wish you all the best.
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 10, 2007....

  pontius pilate: given what i can surmise about you, i wonder if in your case it isn't partially to feel.
  
  ed

• Pontius_Pilate said on Sep 10, 2007....

  I want to apologize up front for failing to reply to all the replies since my last.
  I have been reading your posts and honestly am just unsure what to say, to, for, against, agreeing, anything really.
  Think I've read this and VM's post about half a dozen times over the last day or so.
  I will be posting a bit more on this in another post shortly, adding in other info as well. Just felt that I needed to at minimum acknowledge everyone who has posted here.
  
  ed, honestly, I think you may just be right.
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 10, 2007....

  i don't know people who cut for that reason, but i do know of people who do. you often express an idea of numbness or detached-ness in your comments and blog entries: it seemed a reasonable possibility.
  
  ed

• Pontius_Pilate said on Sep 10, 2007....

  Well I apologize if I come across that way. I don't intend for it.
  It just seems that for me if I open to someone, I get hurt or, in some ways worse, when I feel I need someone the worst, I am simply ignored.
  To me, don't get attached or get to need anyone and you can't/won't be let down when it happens.
  

• hillbillygirl said on Sep 11, 2007....

  I am not sure what to say to you PP except reading this makes me so sad for you.  I know personally how hard it can be to go thru life feeling alone and numb.  I lived in a very abusive marriage both physical as well as mental there were days I would wake up wishing I hadn't wishing it would all just go away.  But I knew I had to think about my daughter( at the time I only had one), and what would happen to her if mommy went away or what would she think about me if mommy tried to hurt herself.  Please dont hurt yourself!!!  Talk to someone....if nothing else do what you have done in your other posts RANT and RAVE!!!  Cuss and Scream!!  But please dont damage yourself.....wether you realize it or not but when you are hurting yourself you are hurting the people who care about you as well.  Take care.....hope things get better!!!

• silverwhisper said on Sep 11, 2007....

  no no, no need for an apology, pontius pilate. you've obviously had bad experiences w/ people betraying your trust--i recognize the signs.
  
  ed

• BleedingArmy said on Apr 08, 2009....

  I did cut myself, not more than 20 minutes ago. I used to be totally against it and I didn't even talk to my sister for a while because thats what she did. But now I see why she did it, why it makes you feel better. It's because every cut you make it takes your mind off of the pain in your heart, and replaces it for that much longer, it feels SO good. On the down-side of it: I want someone to know...I want them to know how I'm feeling, but, then again, I don't want anyone to know, I don't want my mom to cry about me, I don't want her to be angry at the person that made me feel this way because I still love him, I don't want to be called a freak, and don't want to go TO THERAPY!!! But the Lord is watching over me: Right as I was washing the blood off of my arm, the doorbell rang, and guess who was on the other side? Two girls about my age going around and giving out flyers for their church, and telling me all this stuff about the Lord (I do know this stuff because I love the Lord and am Christian) but, when I closed the door, I collapsed, because I knew he was watching over me. Cutting is an emotional thing, just because you do it doesn't mean your emo, I believe that cutting is a good way to relieve stress.

• Bloodyaddiction. said on Jun 29, 2009....

  I have been cutting for about 3 years. it makes me feel in control and i lack that in my life. i have also burned myself with scorching plastic. the pain feels better than feeling nothing at all. 

• feelthesydneylove said on Jul 06, 2009....

  Yep, I used to cut myself three years ago on a regular basis but then I stopped when the situation had improved. Thank god the scars from back then have healed so well that they are barely visible. Unfortunately, over this past weekend I have returned back to cutting because as of right now I am trying to cope with everything that has been happening lately. Not too long from now, I will update SC readers on that one with a written blog. Feel free to read, if you wish. So I can certainly sympathize with your situation because I do understand the position where you come from. Also for BleedingArmy. I do hope that BleedingArmy's situation improves. ): - Sydney

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