• laladavis said on Sep 05, 2007....

  well its nice to see a man who isn't controlled by his dick. It's somewhat rare.
   
   
  but back to your post...I was once told that the physical act of sex wasn't a necessity. If the love is strong enough, it could surpass any physical needs. Weeeellllll, to a point I think. One of the ingridients of a relationship is attraction. And attraction inevitably leads into sex. So I think sex is a neccesary ingridient, personally.  Now in your friends situation, It seems that the woman does not want to have sex because she's not able to have children anymore. I dont know how old she is but that's something that could devistate a woman and make her not want to cuz there's no point in her eyes. Maybe this woman is a born breeder?? Maybe the only reason she ever had sex, ever, was to reproduce?  I'm not sure what her hangup is exactly but she's got one.
   
  And yes, friend definately needs to start some communication with her. I personally know that men have needs. And if he doesn't want to end up cheating on her, he does need to talk to her, tell her whats on his mind, listen to her response, and try coming up with a solution. Their relationship depends on it. If she refuses to put out, or come to some sort of comprimise. If things dont turn out better and they cant see things getting better... probably time to make some decisions.. that is if he doesn't wanna be a crazed horny guy not happy.
   
   
   
  Or he could simply start masturbating, maybe she could help.....
   
   
  that will definately relieve a lot of things.
   
  blah blah blah
   
   

• laladavis said on Sep 05, 2007....

  oh, I thought so... your "friend" huh?

• slirpuff said on Sep 05, 2007....

  I can only assume she is older since
  she "can't" have children anymore.
  My bride, as she says, feels as we age,
  we don't go for quanity but quality. Her
  sex drive is less and it usually doesn't start
  with lust but with gentle foreplay; it's all about
  the mood sometimes.
  He should lay his cards on the table and find
  out "why" she no longer wants to do it..
  Life is too short to be in a marriage where
  both people's needs arn't being met...
  BEEN THERE ONCE.
  Steve
   

• Eilan said on Sep 05, 2007....

  I'd say your "friend" probably has nonsexual relationship issues that manifest themselves in the bedroom.  What has he done lately to make her want to have sex with him?
  
  Been there, done that, but I was the partner who wasn't interested.
  

• MsStar39 said on Sep 06, 2007....

  He needs to get right to the point, either go for some counseling, or tell her he will get it somewhere else.

• Suddenrain said on Sep 06, 2007....

  Maybe he can interest her in ,excuse me but ,"jacking him off or oral sex"?  It's an option unless her problems go deeper. Then I'd suggest that she needs to talk to someone. A counsler for both of them perhaps. As I've aged, I have found that the mental intimacy is much more important to keeping a sexual relationship going.

• sweet_cookie01 said on Sep 06, 2007....

  she must have a hysterectomy half maybe or full... and in both cases the hormones goes down, she may also be having menopause... which may result to headaches, cramping, mood swing and yes sometime painful intercourse... i think your friend have to consider these things too... how old is his wife?

• lfbno7 said on Sep 06, 2007....

  Sounds like his wife has lost all interest in sex with him, so either he talks to her about it and sees if she will understand his needs, or he masturbates a lot, or he finds himself a new lover, something his wife has no right to complain about since she is the cause of it.  Sounds like she should be grateful if he finds a lover, because then he won't be bothering her.  Most likely she's too self centered to give a shit about his sexual needs, and she will be pissed if he "cheats" on her, but she no longer has a vote in that decision, she forfeits her vote when she refuses to satisfy him.
  
  I have high standards in everything, not that they are ever met.  I don't think people have a decent marriage if they don't place each other first.  And that will sometimes mean having sex when you don't really care to, because your spouse needs to, or wants to.  I realize that many others disagree, but as I said, I have high standards in everything, and I think spice (plural of spouse, like mice is plural of mouse) should make sacrifices for each other's happiness.  And I don't think celibacy is a sacrifice that should be asked for.  I think in a good marriage they both "put out" always, always, never say no.  Not that there is a marriage in the world today that meets my standards.  I think love and sex come first.
  

• easyman4 said on Sep 07, 2007....

  well laladavis thanks for your input but i work with this friend and to listen when you dont want to sure gets to be hard and maybe im a good enough friend to try to help in some way.again thanks. i will put some ideas to him and find out whats going on.i toldd him that i think she is cheeting on him .ill be back with a reply in a few days or so .and yes she has had a hysterectomy and yes it was full.ive told him also please dont tell me things that are so personal .and he always tells me we been friends for so long that he can tell me anything.so i cant let him down .

• simplyklo said on Sep 09, 2007....

  Not to put a damper on things for your friend, but I am a very sexual person yet during my marriage things got so bad that our sex life ended ... you couldn't have paid me or given me enough cocktails to touch my husband in any sexual way!  While there were definitely some "issues" between us I guess, the reality was that we weren't compatible ... we had both changed and in different ways.  Beyond that though, he wasn't willing to try counseling and our lack of sex became my "problem" ... he knew I was raped at the age of 16 and though I hadn't had issues with it in years thanks to counseling and the support of friends and family, he threw this in my face saying I was "broken" instead of admitting that we were.  Anyway, I'd suggest to your friend that he needs to try counseling if she is willing and he needs to go into it with an open mind.
   
  Good luck.

• Eilan said on Sep 09, 2007....

  So what evidence do you have that you "friend's" wife is "cheeting" on him?  Unless you're the one fucking her or you caught her in bed with someone else, you have no business saying she's cheating.  If she had a completely hysterectomy and isn't taking HRT, she may not have much of a sex drive.  Or maybe your buddy's so bad in bed he isn't worth the effort.

• easyman4 said on Sep 11, 2007....

  hes missed two days of work but if he comes in today i will talk to him .and i ask him if his wife was taken some kind of hormone pills . so i tell you i would not put up with what he does i dont know if he jacks off or not i sure dont want to know i did tell him to come out and tell her whats on hes mind and also find out if she is cheeting .he told me it would realy hurt him becouse they been together too long. ive told him look whats its doing to him. ill be back when he come to work today.

• easyman4 said on Sep 12, 2007....

  well he came to work today and he told me he got a lawyer becouse he cant take no more shit from a so so so bitch he told me why he missed work was becouse he tryed to talk to her and she would not listen to him and he was so full of shit then he said he went out the door and got himsilf a lawyer .i ask if there was a way he would consider counseling he said he tryed and she would not hear of it she dont need it it was him.man i tell you i would of done the same thing if i was in his shoes .i told him if he needed anything i was there for him and he could stay with me for a while until he got on his feet.as far as her cheeting he told me that she wont tell him nothing that it was none of his bussiness.and no way i would go for this person i dont sleep with my friends wifes .

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