• gingersoul said on Aug 30, 2007....

  Alyss......i know what you are talking about....when my ex filed for divorce i got back at work by only few months. My hours were long and insanely stressful....i had to leave my daughter in school longer after hours or ask some friends to pick her up at school...i was also in the proocess of selling my belongings AND our home. This only consumed a lot of my energy, time and money.

  I knew that if he wanted to play hard i wouldn't have the money necessary for the legal expenses...and the time to go on a long mediation.

  You know that i have no family here. Only few friends. I was terrorized i might lose my job when i needed it the most to prove my capability to ask for full custody  and he wasnt helping me financially if not paying the mortgage until the finalization of the divorce. he wouldnt pay for his daughter expenses either.

  But...the point is.......i survived, i did what it needed to be done, i took one step at the time, i calmed down my anxiety attacks talking with my friends. No pills no shrinks... I did end up in ER at the beginningof this grueling experience one day because i was sure to have a heart attack...they sent me back after a battery of tests suggesting me antidepressants and long walks..... i took the second ones.

  But what really helpd me was focusing on the small details and not panicking over the big picture. This is the secret. making list of the many practical things and stick with it.....

  It would help if you have a frank conversation with your soon to be ex....i couldn't have it with mine because he was totally absotbed with his new partner and their baby and he simply wouldn't care about my diffculties, or his daughter's emotions as well.

  Selfish and weak as he demonstated to be.... I hope you ex will understand better your reasons and your problems.

  Alyss....you can do it. It looks like you are the only oen that will not make it. But ist not like this.....listen to your survivor inner self ....she will guide you....{{{hugs}}}}

• EvilTwin said on Aug 30, 2007....

  [Hugs] love...  I know you're worried about it all.  And I know why.  But you've got to have faith, love.  And he's got to live up to meeting his promises and resposibilities.  You've got to be strong, and make him understand that he has made commitments...
   
  I know things will all work out, Alyss.  I believe in you.  Do what you must and do what you can, love.  Everything will work out.
   
  Gen Melin A'maelamin.

• dailyachesandpains said on Aug 30, 2007....

  {{{{ALYSS}}}}
  I'm so sorry!  I'm sure it's very hard to have all these changes hit you at once.  The one thing I can relate to is the panic attacks.  Just try to make it through them, as hard as you can. 
   
  I hope everything works out.  I know it will.
  Daily

• silverwhisper said on Aug 31, 2007....

  alyss, you'll be able to make this work. i know it.
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• GrapeKoolaid said on Aug 31, 2007....

  Take a deep breath.  Inhale through your nose(5 count), exhale through your mouth(5 count).  Close your eyes when you do this(unless you're driving), and push all the negativity out with the exhale.  Inhale all the energy around you through your nose, and exhale all the bad stuff out through your mouth. 
  
  This is the beginning part of my relaxation technique.  The rest can be found here, but this first part can be done where ever you are, even on the go. 
  
  Things are tough all over, but you're made of sterner stuff, no?  I have faith in you.  Always have.  Go out there mom, and carpe diem!  Make this day your biatch.  :)
  

• hotaka said on Aug 31, 2007....

  I was trying to think of something helpful to say but then I read what gingersoul said and since she has been there, done that, it seems her comment is the one to read. Like the other three all I can do is offer encouragement. I always say hope for the best but prepare for the worst. That's why I always end up bringing too much stuff with me on a hike!

  Well, envision everything going successfully and you and your daughters working through the worst case scenarios together. It's not just you but your daughters too. You have to support and help each other.

  *Sigh* First CW's toe and now this. My hugging arms are going to get a good work out with you SC gals.

• carmachu said on Aug 31, 2007....

  Its completely understandable you have fears DH will drop the ball as he made promises to watch the kids while you have those commitmets...lets be honest, he hasnt kept other promises, so who's to say he will now.
   
  Dont have an answer....but hang in there. You can do it....

• Alyss said on Sep 02, 2007....

  Thank you all...
  
  Ginger the strange things is I feel disloyal by even thinking that he might back out of the arrangements we've made and yet I know he might. I have to trust that he won't but get my contingency plans organised for if he does.
  
  I will try to talk with him but he is being very avoidant at the minute.
  
  Daily, thank you.
  
  SW, I will make it work one way or another. Is it wrong to hope for the best but prepare for the worst?
  
  Grape, so I'm made of sterner stuff am I? Do you know me? ;-)
  
  hotaka, your encouragement matters so thank you.
  
  Carm, I wish that weren't so, truly I do, but I have to prepare for it for the sake of the girls.
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 02, 2007....

  no it isn't. that's how i tend to approach the unknown and unknowable, myself. :>
  
  ed

• LadyGamer said on Sep 02, 2007....

  You can only do as you must and take what comes as it comes. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Today's is more than sufficient.

   

  It is difficult to do this, yes. But there really is no other way without major medication.

  You can do this.

   

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