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What is marriage to you?

lyssa posted on Aug 30, 2007 | views: 175 | Tags: love, marriage, life, relationship, relationships
I have been reading a lot of blogs here. Some on marriages and relationships. I have also been frequenting a forum for men and women to express themselves on a lot of things. Family, friendship, business, infidelity and a whole load of other issues.
 
Most of these threads - I would say 80% of them are all about infidelity and marriage. Also about second chances and other men/women. Some have gone through affairs - be it emotional or physical. Sometimes it starts off with an EA then proceeds to PA. Some of them said that it is just physical affair and nothing else. I have also read on some of the posts in the forum that - some men and women, do not feel the same way about their spouse after 10 years - more or less - even those who has fallen out of love after 20 years but stayed for the sake of their kids, financial stability and whatever comes with it.
 
There is a few who swore that they would never cheat on their partners but ended up cheating or thinking of acting on it. I do not judge people. I really don't because I have had experience on being cheated, family members got cheated on and friends who cheated and a lot more. So it is not my place to say anything but give out some good advice (if mine was anyway!).
 
With all this said, it got me thinking. I have an idea of what marriage is about.. or at least, the ideas I have are what I would want in my marriage and I believe that to achieve it, I have to work for it - not just my partner. It's not 50-50 but 100-100 on both sides.
 
My question is - seeing that a lot of you here - at least the ones I know - are married or in a LTR - what is marriage all about? Falling out of love for someone you vowed to be with for the rest of your life - does it really happen?
 
I guess the reasons I ask all these questions is because I have been thinking about marriage a lot lately. I have never wanted to because of the pain someone had caused me. Also a few broken marriages of my friends and the pain they went through... I put my brothers' and parents' marriages as an example, a good one but I need some perspectives from outsiders.
 
Any comments are welcome!


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Comments

  • secretlife said on Aug 30, 2007....

    i think when we're young, we have this fairy tale image of what marriage is going to be like.

    and maybe because we're young, that's the way it was meant to be-

    we think that love can conquer all, that we couldn't possibly change so much that we'd fall out of love with the one we love most, that nothing in the universe can come between true love.

    the truth of life is often very different. 

    two people working full time jobs get tired, the reality of paying a mortgage and struggling to make ends meet is different than you might have thought, and takes more engery than you might have believed.  add a few kids to that mix and there's a million new feelings, new responsibilites....then raising the kids and working and keeping a house and where is the time for the relationship?  The reality is, that you have to work to make time for the relationship, and most people just don't have the time/inclination/desire to do the work it takes to keep a marriage healthy.

    i tell my girls the most important quality a man can have is that he is a true partner.  in ALL things. 

    Does falling out of love really happen?  Yes, you bet it does.  Disappointment, indifference, lack of communication......these things can most certainly destroy love.

    Look at the divorce rates if you don't believe it.

  • silverwhisper said on Aug 30, 2007....
    honestly, what i think of marriage is something i've previously blogged, once or twice.

    ed
  • lyssa said on Aug 31, 2007....
    Thanks Secretlife and Silverwhisper for your comments. I do think that marriage is not just about love, there is so much for to it like Secret has put it. I guess in a way, I had a dream marriage but as I grew up, I see the changes and what not in my parents' and then my brothers' marriages. I know it's a whole lot of work to make a marriage last. I really admire those who made it work throughout all the indifferences, disappointments and such. I really do and I hope I have in it me - one day - and also in my future husband to make our marriage work.

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