I know I have made several references to my husband being in jail in some of my comments left on others blogs. I think it is about time that I tell my story... as brief as I can, of course. I'm 32 years old and my husband is 25. My grandmother really had a hard time with that one, but that is beside the point. We got married in March of 2005. We hit a few rough spots, as do all marriages at some point, but toward the end of 2005 we really began to struggle. My husbands seeming inability to keep a job contributed well to that; also, the fact that he seemed to drag me down along with him. Our finances went down the drain, I began to struggle with bills (notice I said "I" and not "we"), I lost my apartment and because of that I lost my job. I work online for an internet service, I am a medical transcriptionist; therefore, I have to have a home, computer and internet access. My husband and I come from completely different backgrounds. He is from the streets, and while not totally "gangsta", he comes close. He has a sweet and caring side that few see, one of the reasons I married him. But, he often looks for the wrong means to an end and has the attitude of "do what I gotta do" and does not always make wise decisions. However, I never really expected what was to come next. In January of this year, as we were driving away from where my husband and I were staying, I found myself suddenly surrounded by police cars, 3 guns pointing in our faces. We were both told to lay down on the ground, were cuffed and arrested. I had no clue what was going on, but I could tell that he did. He had apparently been robbing houses instead of working a legitimate job. Why was I arrested? Because I trusted my husband and pawned a couple of items that he had, unbeknownst to me, lifted from said houses. He told me that they had come from somewhere else, I believed him. So, I spent 2 weeks in jail at the end of January, beginning of February. I am now out on $25,000 bond, which thankfully my grandfather was able to pay, and have yet to be sentenced. My trial starts August 2nd. My husband is still in jail. His bond is $40,000 with no family able to pay that kind of money to get him out. I know I sure can't. He also has no private attorney like I do, so he sits in the crooked hands of our wonderful public defenders (dripping with sarcasm). He has on many occasions told me how sorry he is, that he never meant to involve me or hurt me.. that he has changed. That really is neither here nor there at the moment. I went to visit him tonight. Our conversations either end up really good or in a fight. He does not seem to understand that I am working my ass off right now just trying to keep a roof over my head, I am living in a hotel (granted I love the fact that I have housekeeping cleaning for me), I don't see my own children but on the weekends because of this mess, and I'm so exhausted that I can't even freaking see straight... yet he wants me to help him. How am I supposed to help him?? Pull money out of my ass? That would be a great trick, but can't do it. When I tell him I cannot help him because I can barely help myself right now, he gets upset with me and says that I don't want to help him and don't love him. Is that right? He makes me feel so completely useless sometimes and even though I understand that I am out here and he is in there, is that really fair to me? Do I deserve to be talked to and treated like I am nothing and that I should be doing more than I am? And is it right for him to tell me that I can't really have any friends and should coop myself up in this room day and night, just because he is not out here with me? I am so frustrated and I just don't know what to do anymore.