When we lived together as students, my friend and I had a memorable conversation one night about sexual fantasies. We talked about what turned us on, what turned us off, how a typical fantasy might go for us, etc etc. Half-way through, her boyfriend rang and asked what we were up to. Following a quick cold shower, he was surprised enough to find us talking about masturbation to answer our questions about what turned him on, and what his typical fantasies involved. Later on we checked with our male friends and got very similar feedback: the differences were intriguing.
That night we coined the idea that if women's fantasies are the main feature, men's fantasies are the pre-feature trailer. Where our fantasies had been detailed and precise ("first he takes my hand, no no, I take his hand") with a database of ideas for location, set design, hair and make-up, and an extensively revised script; his fantasies were short, sweet and to the point (I see tits, I see ass, maybe a suspender belt, I see her moving above me and I'm on my way).
Never before had I been so aware of how much my sexual arousal relied on emotional, mental connections. It was never (in my fantasies) so much how he was touching me as how he was looking at me. The boys we asked often didn't even have a face in mind. Where do these divides come from? Since then I've read Nancy Friday's Men In Love (although my boyfriend tells me I can't unquestioningly take this as an average collection of male fantasies) in a search for answers. I'm still intrigued by what makes guys tick, versus what makes me tick.
Do you think there's a fantasy divide, or are there as many women as men masturbating to pre-feature trailers?
ladyscarlet posted on Aug 22, 2007
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Comments
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exhibit_c said on Aug 22, 2007....
Interesting question. As a generality, I would have to agree that my fantasies tend to the sex and not the romance.
The exception is that I often have a phase wondering where and how a connection would be made. I never was the sort of guy who picked up women and after 35 years of happy and faithful monogamy, my skills at detecting sexual interest in women (which were never good) have completely atrophied. Although it's possible that some female has tried to chat me up and/or hit on me in the last couple decades, I'm oblivious. Or maybe none have since it's usually obvious in the first few minutes after I'm introduced to a woman that I'm in the "very married" category.
Your idea of calling the two fantasy styles the feature and the trailer is clever. Quite clear too, except that you must mean real movies, not porn. They leave the feature part out of porn movies nowadays. To the extent that porn is someone else's fantasy provided for the viewer to borrow, it tends to prove your point.
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anonymous said on Aug 22, 2007....
I think that men and women have similar thoughts but express it completely differently. Women know more adjective/adverb vocabularly off the top of their head. Example: typically, if you ask a random male to list 15 colors quickly, he would probably take longer to do than a random female. But that doesn't mean he doesn't know the color, he just can't recall it off the top of his head quickly. He might say red, blue, yellow, green, etc... but forget colors like cyan, magenta, etc. In contrast, if you asked him outright "what color is like cyan" he would probably know "it's a light shade of blue"... Likewise, if you ask a male to simply "describe your fantasy" the reply is going to be short. He'll describe the basics but leave out the details. But if you ask him specifically outright about details (do you see me, or you, reaching first to hold hands) he could answer it. The way you *phrase* the question will determine how much details you can get out of the answer. If you ask him "what are you thinking right now" he's gonna freeze.... it's so unspecific. -
anonymous said on Aug 22, 2007....
if you ask a female for directions she'll say go down about 1 minute, you'll see a cute red brick house with daisys in the front. make a left there then head down until you see the post office and then make a right. if you ask a male for directions, he'll say go down 3 blocks, make a left, go down 2 lights and make a right. *BURP* conclusion: never ask a man for directions in the suburbs. -
ladyscarlet said on Aug 23, 2007....
Exhibit C:I often have a phase wondering where and how a connection would be made - I do that too! Sometimes if I get the scenario all worked out, I find the (fantasy) sex follows. Like a date where the tension before something happens is almost sexier than when it does.Maybe porn films would be better if they revived the feature idea ;)Anonymous: We asked him about details, he just didn't seem to need as many. I'm not saying this is a blanket that covers all male sexual fantasies, I just found the differences intriguing. I like the *burp*. -
silverwhisper said on Aug 25, 2007....
i think that if you compare the kinds of porn/erotica men tend to prefer vs. that which women tend to prefer, you'll find this tendency illustrated in great detail.
my own fantasies are generally romantic as well as erotic, but i'm also aware that i'm in the minority in that regard.
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mom said on Sep 02, 2007....
For me it is more of an emotional tie that I feel for a person. As much as I love Oded Fehr, he has never been in a sexual fantasy. He would be my foreplay, but the act itself is geared more toward someone that I have connected with.