• the_infernal_optimist said on Aug 21, 2007....

  I can offer you a couple of cheesy grins, if that helps at all. :-D
  
  I value your friendship deeply, and you add something bright (and very deep purple ;-)) to my life!
  
  Here's a quick joke for you:
  
  Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question
  if they aren't prepared for the answer.
  
  In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called
  his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
  He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
  
  She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
  I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,
  you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie,
  you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people
  and talk about them behind their backs. You think
  you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
  realize you never will amount to anything more than
  a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
  
  The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do,
  he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones,
  do you know the defense attorney?"
  
  She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
  since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted,
  and he has a drinking problem.
  He can't build a normal relationship with anyone,
  and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.
  Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
  women. One of them was your wife.
  Yes, I know him."
  
  The defense attorney almost died.
  
  The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench
  and, in a very quiet voice, said,
  "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me,
  I'll send you to the electric chair."
  
  ~Infernal
  

• rightwingwizard said on Aug 21, 2007....

  infernal:  I came here to cheer MM up a bit and only to find myself rolling on the floor.  Oh, the pain.  I have a cramp in my side for the laughing. 

  MM:  Now that infernal has given you a laugh pick youself up off the floor.  I've got something special for you.

  I herby sentence you to one official rww noogie

  [noogies MissMimi]

   

  Now!  Pull it together young lady!

   

  rww

   

   

  I hope that helped.

• quietone said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Okay,
  Old couple go to drs to find out they have alzhymers. The dr says from now on it would be a good idea if you both wrote things down so you don't forget them.
  That nite the old couple were sitting and watching tv
  The old man says "you want some ice cream dear?"
  the old lady replys "yes that would be nice, I will have a bowl, but you better write it down so you don't forget."
  The old man says "I wont forget"
  The old lady says "Oh, will you put some strawberries on that for me too?"
  "yes dear" the old man replies on his way to the kitchen
  "you better write that down" the old lady says.
  " I will remember" the old man says.
  "Oh, could I also have some whip cream on that too?"
  "Yes dear" he replies.
  "You better write that down" she says.
  "I will remember" he says
  Well, he was gone for some time but when he came back in the room, he hands his wife her plate of bacon and eggs...
  she says "wheres the toast?"

• rightwingwizard said on Aug 21, 2007....

  There were two retired couples sitting around the card table playing their weekly session of pinochle.
   
  After a few hands the wives decided it was time for refreshments so they went off to the kitchen.
   
  Left alone the two men chatted aimlessly for a while.  Eventuallly the subject of eating out came up and the older of the two mentioned that the previous week he and his wife had eaten at that new place on the waterfront.
   
  H2 "Oh, there's a new restaurant on the waterfront?  What's it called?
   
  H1 "Ah, let me think a minute.  What's the name of that flower?"
   
  H2 "What flower, the place is named after a flower? Lilly?  Pansy?..."
   
  H1 "No the one you give your wife to get out of trouble!"
   
  H2 "You mean Rose?"
   
  H1 "Yeah that's the one."  He turns toward the kitchen, "Hey Rose what's the name of that new restaurant down on the waterfront?"
   
  rww

• Mamie said on Aug 21, 2007....

  what's the trouble, Hon bun? I think our atmospheres must be similar, I was out of sorts yesterday and had to take a lot of naps. Then I was ticked at myself for wasting the time sleeping..cranky? Yes, I think so...so, move over, so I can sit with you and whine directly in your ear! Do you have some snacks? i'm hungry too.

• sweet_cookie01 said on Aug 21, 2007....

  hmmm.... snap out of it!!!....LOL... or maybe take a nap and start the day in a better mood when you wake up!

• silverwhisper said on Aug 21, 2007....

  here's something uplifting: you're a very talented writer and a wonderful friend, who, if she saw a blog entry like this one posted by a friend, would immediately type a very long comment saying just how decent or insightful or sweet your friend is.
  
  ed

• gingersoul said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Mimi......i admire you.....simple like that......i know that when i am down ...well, i am really down. I am cranky, letargic, pessimistic. And i think: how hard must be to be in such crappy mood for somebody who in their life have already had a huge load of difficulties to face and still wake up in the morning and smile and raise a family and are open and warm and sensitive to other's people problems, problems that sometimes are a LOT less important than theirs.

  What SW said about you running to upliftt others ..i had another proof in my last post......again ....so, Mimi, sorry i dont have any jokes for you...but i hope this comment will put a little smile in your face. {hug}

   

• mobil said on Aug 21, 2007....

  You can't snap out of this Mimi, you're gonna have to go and get some help Honey.
   
  This shit has to do with brain chemicals and your's are just a little out of whack, please go talk to someone who deals with this stuff ok?
   
  Ok, a joke also, This guy takes a shoebox into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The box is jumping all around and the guy has his hand on it holding the lid down.
   
  The bartender says; Hey ,what the hell you got there in that box and the guy says, you don't want to know.
   
  Well, he orders another drink and there are noises coming from the box now, people gather round and the guy has no choice but to open the box.
   
  Out jumps this little guy, and he's mean and nasty, insulting everyone in the bar, running back and forth alont the bar kicking over peoples drinks. The little guy is only a foot tall.
   
  The guy finally get him back in the box and everyone says; What in the hell was that?
   
  Well says the guy, I found a lamp, a magic lamp on the beach and I only got one wish, so I wished for a one foot prick............
   
  All my best Mimi

• evil_twin said on Aug 21, 2007....

  I'm horrible at telling actual jokes, so I won't even attempt to do that! But if you need a boost, just know that everyone has off days. But you are a wonderful person that can always make me and countless others smile. You're a great lady and a perfect cyber mom! :-D
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• DifficultSoul said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Smile for me Mimi. Even if you have to fake it!

• lioneljay said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Suck it up, and snap out of it.

• lioneljay said on Aug 21, 2007....

  “The Starfish Story” by Loren Eiseley
  

  Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
  

  As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
  

  He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?” The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”
  

  “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”
  

  Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”
  

  At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “It made a difference for that one.”

• uniquely-ironic said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Oh MissMimi, I can relate to having a case of the crankies.  In my case dark chocolate, a nice lunch and some really silly TV snaps me out of it.  I encourage you to go do something you really enjoy.

• destinydiva said on Aug 21, 2007....

  okay, i did a search for encouraging poetry cus my head is all screwed and negative today :-) here goes!!
  
  

  Sometimes we do not feel
  like we want to feel
  Sometimes we do not achieve
  what we want to achieve
  Sometimes things that happen
  do not make sense
  Sometimes life leads us in directions
  that are
  beyond our control
  It is at these times, most of all
  that we need someone
  who will quietly understand us
  and be there to support us
  I want you to know
  that all us at soulcast are here for you
  in every way
  and remember that though
  things may be difficult now
  tomorrow is a new day

  
  

  (I edited the soulcast bit :-) 
  

  
  

  Destiny xx
  

  
  
  

• gingersoul said on Aug 21, 2007....

  LJ.........i love that one......:-)

• polarheart said on Aug 21, 2007....

  DreamyCreamyMimiSweetPeachyPie,  I can only say "I understand", it sucks but it will pass.  I send you a [[[[[[[[[BIG HUG]]]]]]]]]]]] across the turbulent oceans and mountainous earth.  Luv Polar

• Alyss said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Mimi, too tired right now to be funny or witty so perhaps a {hug} will suffice.
  
  Hope tomorrow is brighter. {hugs}

• mom said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Mimi- aww I am sorry you are feeling crabby.  I don't have a joke for you but an actual story.  My son called me up the other day and tells me what his girlfriend did to him while he was sleep.  He said that she was asleep and was woken up with her thumb up his butt.  I guess that makes a guy jump and wakes them up.  She laughed hysterically.  LOLOL if that happens I would just say, "What, no kiss first?"
  Then I got a call from my Daughter in Kansas that said while her husband was peeing she stuck her finger in his butt and he couldn't go pee. LOL I guess there are so many things you can do with the finger in the butt.
  
  

• LadyGamer said on Aug 21, 2007....

  You obviously need to ajdust your chocolate levels.
  Yes, everything CAN be fixed with chocolate, thank YOU!

• MissMimi said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Mom, you have such a fascinating family... ;)
   
  Thanks Alyss, now... go to bed!
   
  Aw, polarbunny, thank you.  I love long distance hugs.  {{{{hug}}}}
   
  Oh, Des, I love that poem.  Thanks for finding it for me.
   
  U-I , dark chocolate works miracles.
   
  LJ, thank  you for that wonderful story.  And for the boot to the ass. ;)
   
  DifficultSoul, :D  Welcome to SC!
   
  e_t, my cyber surrogate son!  You make me smile.
   
  Mobil, I did get my pills adjusted so things are getting better.  LOL ...one foot prick...
   
  Thanks Ginger for being so sweet.  We all have rotten things we have to deal with in our lives.  It's a good thing last night that I was alone because I really wanted to pinch someone's head off.
   
  And so would you, Ed.  :)  Thank you, friend.
   
  Cookie, You figured it out.  I know I was tired.  Insomnia.  Grrr
   
  Mamie, come and sit by me and we can whine in harmony.  I have chips and doughnuts.  Sorry, I ate the chocolate.
   
  quietone, LOL  Where's my toast?
   
  rww,  [rubbing head]  An rww noogie!  Gee, I feel so much better!  :p
   
  Infernal, I saw this last night, and I love the pic!  What a couple of cuties!  Great joke!
   
   

• MissMimi said on Aug 21, 2007....

  LG, I sent my son to the store this afternoon, specifically for chocolate.  I wouldn't have let him back in the house if he'd come back empty handed.

• LadyGamer said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Good for you! I got a BIG box of godiva for my birthday... I would share with you. But only the milk chocolates!

• pickersplock said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Three couples are standing in line, waiting to get into heaven

  The first couple walks up to Saint Peter and the husband says,

  "We'd like to get into heaven, sir."

  Saint Peter says, "You can't be serious!  All your life you've

   been addicted to

  sweets, it's all you thought about on earth! When you could

   have given money to the poor you spent

   it on chocolate, cookies, and pie instead.  You even married a

  woman named Candy.  I'm sorry, but you can't come in." 

  The next couple steps up and the husband asks if they can get in

  to heaven.

  Saint Peter says "Are you kidding me?  When you were on earth

  all you thought about was drinking.  Instead of helping the poor,

   you spent all your money on beer, wine, and whiskey.  Why, you

   even married a woman named Brandy.  I'm sorry, but you're not

  coming in either!" 

  Well, the next couple steps up, the husband looks at his wife, shakes

  his head and says,

  "Forget it Fanny, we don't stand a chance!"

   

  There! Now snap out of it!

• destinydiva said on Aug 21, 2007....

  lmao pickers!!!!!! 

• lfbno7 said on Aug 21, 2007....

  i feel in a philosophical mood now.  here's one way of looking at it.  think of a teenage girl being all depressed because the boy she has a crush on isn't paying any attention to her and is looking at another girl.  she's miserable.  she wishes she was dead.
  
  think of her 80 years later.  her spleen doesn't work.  her liver doesn't work.  her teeth don't work.  her memory is for shit.  she's always tired.  she has insomnia.  she has already gone through open heart surgery and four bouts of chemotherapy.  her arthritis is killing her.  she has an ingrown toenail that hurts.  she just got bit by a mosquito and she is itching like crazy.  she doesn't know it, but tonight a kidney stone is going to start moving and she will be tortured by it.
  
  i have a point in here somewhere.  what is it?
  

• Alyss said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Mimi, glad you got chocolate!

• sweet_rose said on Aug 21, 2007....

  dear girl what you need is a spanking... that will straighten you right up
   
  ;-)

• Eilan said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Just suck it up and snap out of it! BTW, wanna cyber? ;)
  

• Zayda said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Don't make me come force feed you chocolate, woman!!!!!! ;)
  
  
  Hmmmm...I have an idea: chocolate, wine, and some Keith Urban playing. Mimi, I think you need a girl's night out.

• fearing said on Aug 21, 2007....

  {tickles MissM}
  
  

• boogiebear22 said on Aug 21, 2007....

  I must say I'm having quite the same experience today. I'm new to this place, and I have to say your blogs keep me utterely entertained! Here's a little humor for you..
   
  A woman who is almost 9 months pregnant with triplets is walking home from a conveinence store after purchasing something to cure her late-night craving.
  Upon exiting the store, a masked man approaches her and shoots her in the belly three times.
  She is rushed to the hospital. She and the triplets are okay, but the doctor decides not to remove the bullets, for the risk of harming her pregnancy. A few days later, she gives birth to three healthy babies. Two girls and one boy.
   
  One day, 16 years later, one of the girls comes out of the bathroom in horror, crying.
  Her mother looks at her and asks "what's wrong, honey?"
  The daughter replies "I was taking a pee, and a bullet came out!"
   
  Deciding now was the best time, she told her daughter about the shooting 16 years ago.
   
  A few hours later, the other girl comes out of the bathroom, also crying.
   
  Mother says "what's wrong?"
   
  "I was taking a pee, and a bullet came out."
   
  She again, explains the situation.
   
  Shortly thereafter, the boy comes downstairs horrified and crying hysterically.
   
  Mother says "Let me guess, you were taking a pee, and a bullet came out?"
   
  Boy says "No, I was masturbating, and I shot the dog!"

• DesertMermaid said on Aug 21, 2007....

  Mimi its for you ~
  May the blessings of God harass you ,
  Happiness attacks you where ever you go ,
  May all your worries get pick pocketed ,
  Good wishes stalk you ,
  All you sadness gets hijacked ,
  May peace jump at you and cling to you :)

• MissMimi said on Aug 22, 2007....

  I like that, MissMermaid.  Thank you!  :)
   
  Welcome, boogiebear, and thank you for the compliment. :)  great joke!
   
  [slips by fearing and pinches her derriere] :p
   
  Zee, you are a true friend.  Anybody who brings me chocolate and KU wins my seal of approval.  I'll switch to a Coke, and you can sip an unpretentious yet flirty young [insert your fave wine here]. 
   
  Eilan, cyber is so hawt... Oh baby oh baby!  :D
   
  rose, I have been thinking the same thing myself.  Unfortunately no volunteer spankers have stepped forward.  ;)
   
  Alyss, I even made double chocolate brownies after dinner.  I got a buzz just smelling the batter.  :)
   
  Ifbno, was your point that what first appears momentous is really trivial compared to losing your health?  Of course it was!  LOL
   
  Heehee... pickers!  I liked that one!  :D

• ZsuzsiO said on Aug 22, 2007....

  oh, boogiebear, that was really funny!

  pickersplock - why, Fanny has a meaning I don't know of?

  LadyGamer - HAPPY BIRTHAY!!!!!

  MissMimi - I hope you are feeling better today! You know you are being loved up here!

  Here is one from me:

  A Canadian radio channel had a contest on the most embarrasing storie. This one won:

  A woman had an appointment to the gynocologist, but she woke up late and now was in a hurry. Since hygene is first, she wanted to make sure things are clean down there for the visit so she rushed into the bathroom to at least wash that area real quick. In a hurry she reached for her daughter's little purple towel that was on the bath tub right next to her to dry herself up with it, threw it to the laundry and  than ran to the doctors.

  When she got there she already knew the drill so she undressed and got up on the doctor's bed. When he came and looked at her closely he smiled and said

  "Oh, I see you really made an effort to look especially nice for me today"

  Not understanding his comment she did not reply.

  About dinner time she was already in the kitchen when her teenager daughter came up to her, as always, questioning her about things she needed or wanted. This time she was looking for her towel desperately. She told her to just get another one, but she was not at all ready for her daughter's reply. All of a sudden the doctors words made sense as she was recalling his words again, and again and again. Here is what her daughter replied:

  "But mom, I need that purple little towel that I've had right on the bath tub with all my sparcles and glitters rolled in it..."

  MissMimi, darling, don't we all have bad days...?

• lfbno7 said on Aug 22, 2007....

  miss, yes exactly.  your body has so many moving parts and each one comes with a different warranty.  a guy at work just took a morning off to take his mother for cataract surgery.  damn, i don't want that.  her eye warranty ran out.

• Mamie said on Aug 22, 2007....

  hiya, MissM: how are ya today? feeling any better? These jokes are so funny! Thanks to everybody!! You cheered us all up!! xo, Mamie

• MissMimi said on Aug 22, 2007....

  yes, Mamie, I'm good.  :)  I got a decent amount of sleep last night.  Amazing how that works.

  Adequate sleep + a whole bunch of sweet people here + chocolate = pleasant disposition.  :)

• MissMimi said on Aug 22, 2007....

  lfbno, my husband's had both eyes operated on for cataracts.  His eye warranty expired when he was around 45 I think.  Just for my own curiosity, is your name (capital)ifbno or (lowercase)lfbno?
   
  Zsuzsi,  OMG, that is hysterical!  LOLOL  That really is a good one.
   
   

• sweet_rose said on Aug 22, 2007....

  ((( sweet rose steps forward to spank mimi))

• MissMimi said on Aug 22, 2007....

  Ooooh ...!  Yippee!!

• Zayda said on Aug 23, 2007....

  Mimi--Of course I would bring you KU. And maybe, if you are really lucky some DVD with HAWTNESS in it.

• vivian2007 said on Aug 24, 2007....

  mimi, I just advise you to hang out with sexy millionaire singles in your area. I believe your life will become colorful! Also you will have positive attitude towards life! Try out wealthyromance.com, a site dedicated to wealthy men and beautiful women.

• lfbno7 said on Aug 24, 2007....

  hi miss mimi.  my name is lennie.  my screen name is ..
  
  LFB No 7.
  
  but i do it all in lower case
  

• wakingharmony said on Aug 24, 2007....

  Way too funny!!I shoulda just come over to your place 3 Days ago!! Musta been a full moon  Lennie must be slippin Didin't offer the spankin hmmm better check on him make sure hes okay   boggie bear love the Joke ...... Happy Birthday YALL

Comment on "Please?"

Currently tagged	friendship encouragement life hi friends friemnd prick (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously